Getting shot wasn't that bad in the end

Callen's pov:
Seeing Deeks entering the room with slumped shoulders and deep dark circles under his eyes worry's me. He also isn't looking towards me, way to occupied with wringing his hands.
„Hey. How is he doing today?" he asks Alejandra in a vulnerable voice.
„I am doing pretty good. I would say even better than you if look at you." I answer him in worry. His shocked indrawn breath and wide eyes on me lets me guess he wasn't expecting me to be awake. Well, I guess Alejandra and Sam as well were pretty shocked but we are talking about Deeks now.
„I am sorry! I better leave again!" Deeks exclaims in a panic already a hand on the door handle.
„Wait! I wanna talk with you!!" I shout after him. Feeling really worried for him, not only does he look like he hasn't slept in ages. He also isn't acting at all like he normally would. And I also won't let him think that he is at fault at whatever has happened to me.
„It's ok Callen. You don't need to fire me, I already packed my stuff." he tells me without looking at me at all.
„What the hell are you talking about Deeks!? Why on earth would I fire you!!" I interrupt him because he seriously isn't making any sense at all. That's when he finally looks me in my eyes, he looks completely shocked, afraid as well. But why? Why would he be afraid of me? We are a team! A family for fucks sake!
„Can you guys let us talk please?" I asks sam and Alejandra pleadingly. And to my surprise they agree to it without any hesitation at all.
„Deeks, come here." I say softly, pointing towards where sam has set only seconds ago. He looks pretty unsure if he really should get any closer towards me or bolt all together. After a heavy sigh though he slowly makes his way towards the hospital bed.
„Why do you think I would want you to leave? I thought I told you already that you belong to the team. To the family I should say." I ask him softly, afraid that if I would say something wrong he might run off. Instead of answering me he only shrugs his shoulders once.
„Marty?" i try again to get him to answer me. Really needing him to understand how completely wrong he is on that.
„Because Of me you nearly died." he says quietly.
„Again." he whispers as if remembering something.
„Why would you say something like that? Or even think about? You didn't do anything wrong." I try to explain to him. Also trying really hard to get him to look at me, but he only keeps on looking at his hands.
„Look at me Marty." i tell him and after a few seconds, he indeed turns his head and faces me.
„I want you to listen to what I am going to say, ok?" I ask him while making sure to hold his eyes on mine. After a nod from him, I decide to go on.
„You have done absolut Nothing wrong! You did nothing that has hurt me, nor did you do anything that nearly killed me!! You hear me?" I tell him sternly. Asking to make sure he understands that I mean it.
„But, but..." he starts to stutter out, but I make sure to immediately stop him from arguing with me on that.
„No but Deeks! You did absolutely nothing wrong!!" I tell him even sterner in hopes he starts to believe me on that. He has a look of a frightened child and it hurts me to see him like that.
„Listen, you did nothing wrong. And I want you to believe me on that!" I tell him soothingly. The first tears already running down his cheeks.
„You needed to get operated on again. Chris nearly lost you, and that's my fault." he hiccups out. Scrunching up my forehead, what can I say that would make him believe me?
„Deeks, you didn't do anything wrong!" I repeat again. It's the simple truth, but how on earth can I make him see that as well!?
„I angered you to the point where your heart stopped beating! How can you say I didn't do anything wrong!?" he nearly shouts at me, anger and hurt running through his facial expression.
„That's not what had happened though. You Can't blame yourself on something that you didn't do!" I tell him calmly. Knowing it wouldn't do anyone any good to get loud as well.
„It wasn't?" he asks in a broken whisper.
„No, it's not what had happened." I explain again, relieved he slowly starts to believe me.
„But, what else?" he asks lost and confused.
„Another old bullet shrapnel had wandered to my heart and reopened some stitches. It would of happened anyway." I tell him in explanation while he once again takes a seat on the bed after his small outburst.
„So it wasn't me?" he questions unsure but none the less hopeful. Feeling a soft smile spreading on my lips at his question.
„No, it wasn't you at all." I answer him and just like that Deeks has himself crushed into me just like Alejandra had done not long ago. Feeling his whole body shaking against me makes me only hug him closer as best I can.
„But now you need to start to take better care of yourself again! You really look like you haven't slept in a really long time." I instruct him with a worried filled voice.
„I will. Just couldn't sleep, thought I really got you killed, or nearly killed." he answers me, still in tears.
„But you didn't. And since that's out of the way now." I start to say with a small smile.
„You don't need to worry anymore, nor do you need to run away from us." I add with a smile. And to my utter relief, he reply's the smile shyly.
„I guess I need to talk with Hetty then." he says with a small sigh.
„Yep! But if you would feel more comfortable with me around as well, we could ask her to come here to talk." I tell him honestly. Not wanting him to feel uncomfortable at all, not after he felt this awful the whole 10 days I was out.