I Swear This Time I Mean It - lashton

'I...I think, you are the first person I'm telling this...', he stopped sighing.

'Luke I appreciate it but please just tell me. You've helped me through so much how much worse can it get?'

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

'I think I'm gay.', he whispered and I looked at him surprised, shocked, more surprised though.

'Why are you thinking that? You've had girlfriends in the past and were happy with them.'

'But it didn't feel right, it's just, I kinda noticed it lately that I've been more attracted to boys, if you'd want to say it like that.'

'Do you want to tell the other boys too?'

'Not yet, I feel like they'd maybe treat me differently. I don't know I don't want them to know yet, I guess .... I guess the only reason I told you is because I had hoped that you'd say something like 'Yeah me too'. But that's just stupid, I guess.'

'Luke if I said that right now, you wouldn't believe me because it's honestly too cliché. It's true though. I know for some time now but I didn't want to tell anyone.'

'You are kidding.'

'See that's what I meant, you wouldn't believe me and I won't force you but it's true and I hope you understand that I'm not that good of an actor.'

'That's true. You are an horrible actor.'

'Well thanks.', I said sarcastically.

 'Anyway, we should tell Michael and Calum eventually.'

'Can't we just keep it  secret a little longer?'

'We can but you won't get less scared and their reactions won't be different.'

'I know still. I just realized it myself I still have to get used to it.'

'Fine, tell me when you want to tell them.'

'Thanks Ash. I'm actually glad I told you.'

'I'm too.' I smiled and drank a little off my coffee.

'Hey guys!', Calum and Michael yelled opening the doors widely not bothering to knock.

'Morning.', we answered chuckling.

'Put the cups away.', Michael ordered and we did as told not even questioning it. They both jumped on the bed and tackled us.

I threw Michael off of me and he landed on the floor. Calum was laying between me and Luke, kinda relaxed, probably thinking he was safe there.

I exchanged looks with Luke and we both pushed Calum off the bed. We high fived and looked at the two boys now lying on the ground.

'Now you're lying on the cold hard ground....', Luke started singing and I laughed at his Taylor Swift reference.

'It's not funny Lucas!!'

'Oh he's using the full name now. What's wrong Gordon?' I busted out laughing at Michaels hated middle name.

'Shut up Luke.' Calum had joined my hysterical laughing by now and I already had tears in my eyes. Michaels face expression was so hilarious.

Eventually he just joined our laughter and we all needed a couple of minutes to go back to normal.

'Now, do we have any plans for today?', I asked and they all shook their heads.

'Hmm, then any ideas?'

'Beach day?', Calum suggested.

'Nooooo.', me and Michael groaned.

'Fine, other ideas?!'

'Horror Movie Marathon?', Luke said and all of our eyes widened.

'YES!!!', we all screamed and Michael and Calum ran downstairs getting snacks, coffee and coke ready.

'Are you coming Ash?', Luke said standing by the door, now dressed in sweatpants and a tank top.

'I'll be down in a minute.'

'Ash?', he asked raising his eyebrows.

'I'm not going to do anything Luke.'

'Keep the bathroom unlocked, you got 5 minutes, I'm waiting.'

'Yes mom.', I said chuckling and grabbed some clothes going in the bathroom. I changed and looked into the mirror.

...he's never going to like you...why would he after all?....there's nothing likeable about you...he can just go find someone attractive and good for him...someone who's worth being loved...not me...

'Ash? Are you done?'

'I'll be right out, one second.'

...he feels bad for you, that's why he treats you like that...nothing more...

I opened the door and came to face with Luke.

'Relax Luke.'

'Arms Ash.' I sighed and showed him my arms.

'Good.', he said slightly smiling. We went downstairs and sat down next to Michael and Calum.