Finding Ourselves Together (READ REVAMP VERSION - IN WAVES)

27 | Starters

But I had to tell him. The conversation I had been dreading needed to happen now.

"Can we slow down for a minute?" I asked. His brows furrowed at my uncertain tone.

"Sure." He moved from above me and leaned on his elbow, watching me stare at the ceiling while I wrestled in my mind.

I knew he had been with a lot of girls; it was no secret he was experienced. I had no idea what his reaction would be to his new girlfriend being a virgin. It needed to be said right, I didn't want him to think I was flat-out rejecting him.

"Um, okay so... I don't really know how to say this." I breathed out, still looking up and not at him. "You've dated other girls before me, and I'm not really–"

"You're a virgin."

"What? Is it that obvious?!" I turned to him with wide eyes, panicked and horrorstruck. He knew it before I explained. Was I making a fool of myself already? Could I even kiss properly?

My rush of overthinking subsided when he chuckled, lightly tracing his finger down the length of my arm to calm me. "No it's not obvious, I just kind of figured. You said the last guy you were involved with was Sean for two weeks in sophomore year. I wasn't entirely sure, but I had a feeling."

I slumped back into the pillow and ran my hands through my hair. "I'm sorry, I should have clarified it sooner. I just...I don't think I'm ready yet."

"It's okay, Lia. I don't want to do anything that'll make you feel uncomfortable." He reached for my hand and held my fingers to his lips, kissing them softly. "Honestly, you're worth the wait."

I breathed out a sigh of relief and cupped his warm cheek, his hand covering mine. But then a question slinked into my mind. "Wait, so...if you already suspected I was a virgin, would you still have wanted to have sex if I didn't stop us?"

"I mean, only if you wanted to." He gingerly admitted. "I knew we'd do it at some point, but I didn't know how ready you were. Like, you're not waiting until marriage or anything, right?"

"No, nothing like that." I hesitated, realizing how cliché this sounded, but it was the truth. "Just waiting for the right person, I guess."

He leaned over me a little. "And...hopefully you've found him?"

"Yeah." I laughed and rested my hand on the back of his neck. "Pretty sure I found him."

Matt smiled and dropped his head, gently pressing his lips to mine. It was soft this time. Dreamlike. The adrenaline that brought us here had disappeared, but in a way, this was better.

"Tell me you don't need to go home yet." Matt hummed against my lips, his thumb stroking my cheek with a feather-light touch.

"I don't. My mom thinks I'm sleeping at Rachel's tonight."

His lips curved and he leaned down again, holding my face and kissing me like I was the most delicate thing in the world. He had me in a trance, but I told myself to only let this continue for a few more minutes. Any longer and I might forget everything I had just said about not being ready.

"You know..." He pulled away, his palm now rubbing my hip. "Keeping your virginity doesn't mean we can't do other things, right?"

Under the covers, he took my hand in his, guiding it down until it rested on the front of his boxer briefs. I slightly recoiled from the prominent feel of his excitement, immediately experiencing a rush of blood to my ears.

"Um, I've...I've never done..." I trailed off, my throat feeling as if it was closing up from embarrassment. I swallowed what seemed like shards of glass and forced the words out. "I've never done anything like that either."