insomnia hotline? choi yeonjun

8

i put my hand down and felt like giving up. i want to approach them and slap soobin but i just didn't have the courage.

i thought catching them was the worst that could happen. but they're literally kissing right now! and i'm fucking audience to it!

soobin looked at my direction and pulled away from eunbin, his eyes wide. and i didn't know what to say but, "oops, wrong door."

¤

soobin's pov

"i told you not to meet me here," i scolded eunbin, but she just gave me the stink eye and giggled, "what's wrong? scared that our girlfriend might find out?" she asks in a really cocky way, and it struck a nerve in me. but i shouldn't get angry, right?

"she and i haven't had quality time ever since the school trip," i informed eunbin, showing that i'm nervous about our relationship- "she might find me weird, don't you think?" i ask, and that made eunbin snicker as she looks away, letting go of the towel wrapped around my neck.

"fucker, you killed my mood," she says in a pissed tone, sighing. i sighed and locked her in my arms so she wouldn't walk away from this, "you're angry now?" i ask, glaring at her. she smirked and got back to pulling my towel, "you're so sexy," eunbin says, and it took me aback as this reminded me of yunhee's line in the past.

"you're really kind, soobin," yunhee smiled at me sincerely, but i could see how sad she was. all of a sudden, i had a really terrible adrenaline rush, and i felt like i had to say this now or never.

"i want to court you," i told her straightforwardly, a bit out of myself too. i gulped on my saliva as her eyes widen, and i was suddenly fighting inside my mind if i regret saying it or proud for saying it. "w-what?" she asked.

"i want you to be my girlfriend."

i keep my stare at eunbin, feeling guilty deep inside. but who the heck cares? in my situation, i'm just trying to survive- that's why i'm here today, right?

before i could react to it, eunbin had already dived in to kiss me, the third time this trip now. and i haven't even spent 5 minutes with yunhee overall. fuck this shit. all i can do is kiss back. eunbin's been pretty fucking abusive these days too.

my heart jumps out as i look to my right, which is the door towards the backdoor exit. people shouldn't even enter here, so who the fuck is dumb enough to make such a mistake? well, my heart didn't jump for a simple fucking reason. because it's go yunhee. my girlfriend, go yunhee! she fucking caught me kissing park eunbin.

i pull away from eunbin with my eyes wide. what the fuck am i supposed to say? how am i going to explain this to her? i'm so done, did i just kill myself this fucking early in life?

yunhee's eyes are filled with tears. heck, tears have rolled down her cheeks already. how long has she been watching us? n..not for too long, right? i meanㅡlong enough, right? to make her cry?

"oops, wrong door." yunhee's sarcastic ass said, acting as if we were strangers and not a problematic couple now. eunbin froze as well as i did as yunhee ran back out the exit.

"holy fucking shit." i curse under my breath. i hear eunbin chuckle but i just couldn't look at her right now, because my whole body just automatically focused on running towards where yunhee is going. i need to apologize, right?

"if we become a couple.. we're supposed to be honest, right?" i ask yunhee, smiling. then she smiled, replying- "you're the only person who i'm being honest with." that was cheesy but deeply romantic to be honest, and i couldn't help but blush.

"me too." i replied. because heck, with yunhee, i can be the sweet and kind me, while i can only be cool and cold with my friends. yunhee blushed as well, giving me a shy smile.

"yunhee!" i call out her name, almost about to tear up because of the thought of losing her after all the shit we've been through. yunhee stopped walking as we reach the garden beside the inn, her hands clenched into a fist. she's mad. and i'm about to bomb myself to death.

she turned to face me, then proceeded to walk towards me. i sighed as she reached me and i felt like my whole body just shut down for a split second. and her first move was to hit my chest as i feel my bones weak, "you piece of shit!" she exclaims, and i sigh again. what the fuck am i supposed to say? should i just ask for a breakup? fuck- no fucking way! i can't break up with her. not after-

"choi soobin, you and yunhee are fucking boring." bae seokmin, my friend trash talks me, and i just scoff it off. "so?" i ask, trying not to crash into him and punch him in the face. seokmin also scoffs at my reaction, like he didn't see this coming?

"it just ruins my image to be seen with your loser-ass and he loser-ass together, you know?" he glares. and i lose my shit inside, but still couldn't do anything at all.

not after all this shit of controlling my temper just to not lose you, even after i risked myself from getting kicked out from the group.

"yunhee.." i call out her name, but she continued to hit me, but her punches got weaker eventually as she breaks down- starting to sob.

without my friends, i'm a fucking loser. yeah, back in middle school, i got bullied. but in high school? they got me in, and now nobody dares to touch me. so what the fuck do i really need in my life? my friends who's keeping me out of the shitty life or my girlfriend who i can be myself with? fuck. i choose one or the other, it'll be shit, my life would still be shit.

lose my friends and i'm back to being an outcast, or lose yunhee and i'll need to stand up for myself with this fucking mask all alone.

"yunhee, i'm sorry.." i apologize, hugging her, "it's not like what you think it is." i tell her. because it's not just as simple as cheating, it's a lot more complicated than that.

"..we're supposed to be honest, right?" i recall the line she said before that i agreed to. and i deny it now, because i can't be honest.

i can't let her know that my status is more important than being happy.

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