"why are you dating a guy like that, anyway?" yunseok asked, and i furrowed my brows, letting go of my spoon and letting it sink in the stew, "what do you mean a guy like that?" i asked.
"soobin has an attitude that i don't like. and plus, he's too good-looking for you, of course he'll get chicks and cheat." yunseok started talking shit, and an anger sparked in me. i didn't know where to start, though. soobin's attitude? he's too good-looking for me?! what brother even says that shit?
"then, who's cheating, you or soobin?" mom cut off yunseok, and yunseok picked up his phone again, clicking his tongue as he starts scrolling on his screen. i gulped on my saliva first as i answerㅡ "i was just asking, mom."
mom scoffed through her nose and yunseok started laughing to himself. i feel so humiliated. what's so funny? is it me or something on his feed?
"if something is going on between you and soobin, you better tell me immediately," mom scolded, and i looked down to my food. what am i supposed to do? tell her that i caught him kissing park eunbin?!
what if she calls soobin and pushes me to break up with him? i don't want that! heck, i shouldn't have brought this up at breakfast, i think i just embarrassed myself real bad today.
if i tell them about what's going on with me, soobin and my friends. i'd be ridiculed, right? because they're all living a good, happy lifeㅡwhile i'm confused if i should confess or not.
"promise me you'll tell me if something's up." mom told me, and she started eating her food as well as yunseok.
"okay, mom."
¤
"she just pushed me into kissing her. you know, gaeun's friends are all bitches.." soobin explained, which sparked a little relief inside— but also some anger. and you let her kiss you?! is what i want to ask, but soobin's too cool to reject her, i guess?
since i promised myself earlier today that i'd forgive him if he apologizes, i will. i know i can change soobin's mind in cheating. even if deep inside i want to stab him— deeper inside i want to save him. soobin's a good person, and i know it. i'm just sure of it.
"is something.. going on?" i asked him, because i had a feeling that what he's going through right now is the same as me with gaeun and yieung.
soobin shook his head and smiled, "i'm okay." i felt crushed inside with his answer. even though i'm his partner, i guess i'm still not in the role which he'd ask help from? but why? a-am i not enough..?
i feel like shit.
"i swear. i'll tell you if something's wrong." soobin moved in to hug me, and i felt anxiety flow throughout my whole body. this doesn't feel right.
ah, fuck. we shouldn't hug, because then i wouldn't know if he's holding a knife to stab me from the back.
but i shouldn't be one to talk, right? because there's also a part of me that wants to stab him.
maybe i should break up with him, with us holding knives behind each other's backs? damn, maybe rian is correct, maybe mr. moon is correct. maybe i shouldn't let the toxicity take over.
everything's so fucking complicated and frustrating. but since i already made up my mind a while ago. i'll just forgive soobin, just so he's going to be the bad guy in case we break up. i swear i'll make him regret it if we break up. i swear i'll break his fucking heart for cheating on me.
"i promise i won't meet her again, okay?"
is it just me, or is this déjà vu? his words and tone are awfully similar to me making a promise i won't keep to my mom.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
if you need help, reach out to family, friends, mental health professionals, or a local helpline.
