Just Love Me Once Again

Trixie.

As I stepped out of the French class Monday morning, I immediately halted. Cisco stood across the hall, leaned up against the lockers, eyeballing me with a goofy grin.

"Hey, little speed racer." He sauntered over as kids behind me bumped into my back, trying to get out of the class.

I rolled my eyes, not ready for another irritation. Already this morning, I'd been late to school after having a big fight with my stepfather. And people had been talking to me all day about last night's race.

The week was starting rough, and I wasn't in the mood for asshole Cisco.

"What do you want?" I mumbled, walking past him down the hall.

"Well, it's nice to see you, too." He stared me down at me, almost timidly, with his ridiculously playful smile.

Ignoring him and making a beeline for my locker, I felt an urge to kick something when Cisco only increased his speed to keep up. " Listen, I want you to know that I was impressed with your driving last night."

"Is that it?" I crossed my arms, ready to go for lunch.

"Actually, no." He waggled his eyebrows. " I was hoping you would go to the homecoming dance with me?"

My muscles tensed. I immediately started scanning the hallway to see if Caleb's group was laughing, a sign that this was all a joke.

But none of Cisco's pals were around to witness the prank, and Caleb was nowhere in sight.

Turning back to Cisco, I fixed him with a glare. "Did you expect me to fall for that?"

His sarcasm did nothing to ease my distrust. I rolled my eyes, already wondering why the hell I'd stood here listening to him. "Enough. I'm going to lunch. Tell Caleb that I'm not stupid."

I turned around and headed to the cafeteria.

"Wait." Cisco jogged up beside me. "You think this is a setup?"

Ignoring him, I kept walking. Of course, this was a setup. Why could Cisco want to go to Homecoming with me? And why would he think that I'd say yes? Caleb is responsible for all of this. He wants to make a laugh of me.

"Trixie, please stop." Cisco touched my arm.

I whirled around to face him, hot with anger. " Even if you are serious, did you think I'd ever go out with you? You're asking me out, seriously?"

"No," I replied.

His charm didn't work on me the way it worked with others, but the shocked look on his face gave me a little pause. Part of me wanted to laugh because he looked disappointed.

Twisting around, I headed for the cafeteria again when I just wanted to run out of the front door. It was only Monday morning, and I was already climbing the walls to get out of here.

It was true that I wanted to go to the dance, and I didn't yet have a date. And going out with Cisco would make Caleb jealous. Maybe I wanted to see him twisted up in knots over me.

I shook the thoughts from my mind. Don't go there, Trixie.

My cell phone buzzed, bringing me back to reality. 

" Today's tutoring venue: My garage, be on time if you don't want to fail in your physics exam. - Caleb."

Oh, great.

It was an evening at eight pm when I went to see Caleb in his garage.

"You ready to delve into the world of physics?" Caleb asked.

I glanced around the garage. "Where?"

"I typically study in here."

"You're kidding." The serious look in his grey eyes assured me he wasn't, as did his backpack sitting on the passenger side. "You know, most people use tables and chairs."

Caleb shrugged, taking his physics book out and then placing the pack on the floor next to me. He lowered his voice. "Are we studying or not?"

I opened the door to the passenger side and took a seat. We'd spent two hours reviewing for our physics test. If I didn't pass the son of bitch tomorrow, I'd never pass a test.

I packed my books, not able to tolerate anymore, I asked. "What's going on between us?"

Caleb rubbed his hand over his face before glaring at me. " I want you."

"Do you? Really? Because my past and present are sexy."

"I don't give a fuck about your past or present."

I stalked towards him, pushed my body against him. "How are you going to react when we're this close, and you take off my shirt? Are you still going to want me when dozens of guys have fucked me?"

I pulled away from him.

His eyes hardened with anger. "For the last time, I don't give a fuck about your past."

"Lair." I spat. "Because the only way anyone will ever be okay with me is if they love me. Love me enough to not care that I'm damaged. You don't love people. You have sex with them. So how could you want to be with me?"

I summed up perfectly. I didn't love people. Caleb deserves more, better than me.

IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS since the incident that happened in Caleb's garage. Not that I blamed Caleb for avoiding me. I'd said some pretty horrible things to him. Things I had no idea how to take back. Besides, how could I even explain, why I'd been in such a foul mood?

Earlier that day, after school, I learned that Mom is pregnant. Staring at the TV, she said, "Oh, Trixie. You'll have a sibling soon."

What pregnant, with that bastard Robert.