insomnia hotline? choi yeonjun

25

wait.

what did she just say?

"huh?" i hummed, mumbled, or whatever. i don't even know if she heard me ask. i also don't know if i heard her right.

"i said, if you and yeonjun are friends, then are we also friends?" she asked, again. fuck this is embarrassing. what do i say? why did i make her repeat it? did she get offended for saying it again? umㅡ what do i answer?

are we friends?

is that what she's been thinking this whole time?

friends.

"well.. do you think we're friends?" i asked, and then immediately regretted it. yunhee, you fucking asshole!!!! what kind of answer is that?!

"are we not? haha.." rian bitterly chuckled to herself, almost like she's in defeat and is embarrassed. i gestured a 'no' with my hands, she misinterpreted me! "t-that's not what i meant..!" i told her, and she just looked at me with an awkwardly pushed smile.

iㅡ

"i mean.. if it's okay with you.. can we be friends?" i asked. why am i asking? fuck! i don't know what to doㅡ or sayㅡ should i just walk outta here?? nah that would be weirdㅡ what will she reply? i hope she doesn't misinterpret me again...

"i mean. yeah," rian still had her embarrassed smile as she replied, "i thought we were already friends ever since i told you about insomnie hotline," she chuckled.

so.. guys.. she's actually a softie.

and here i thought she was just pushing herself to hang out with me.

"so.. we're friends now?" i chuckled. rian looked at me with a relieved smile now, like she was excited to answer, and i felt a little excited too by then.

"friends." she giggled, "and i swear to never leave your side."

"even though you have your gangster friends?" i asked nervously, which she found funny.

"all my gangster friends are guys! i wanted a girl gangster friend, and it's you now."

¤

"your socks were on the couch!" i yelled to yunseok, and he just came home from work, looking tired. "mom made me clean it up, stinky." i complained. yunseok glared at me as he sat down on the couch, "oh yea?" he asked, pulling his socks off his feet, then placing it on the couch.

i groaned and continued fixing the plates, "stop fighting or one of you will wash the dishes!" mom yelled from the kitchen, and i just angrily looked at my brother, silent. and so was he.

mom walked in hurriedly with her pot of self-recipe stew then placed it on the table, "finish up, yunseok, or you'll wash the dishes."

i just evil laughed to myself as i sat down, preparing my food. after a few seconds of busy fixing, everyone was then silently eating on the table.

should i.. tell them about soobin? since it's over, and plus, he already apologized, and we're good now. ah, i'm getting nervous. maybe after one more spoon, i'll confess?

i slowly took a sip of the stew, looking like a total dumbass as i mentally prepare myself for what they have to say to me.

here goes.

"i have something to say.." i started off, my eyes squinted, almost as if they were going to close. everybody stopped moving and just looked at me, "what is it?" yunseok asked, before continuing to eat again. mom just looked at me and stopped. damn, why'd i have to say it like i'm going to confess that i'm pregnant?!

"last time.. when i asked about cheating," i took another breath, "ㅡsoobin was actually cheating on me." i completed my sentence, out of breath.

the two paused, then at the same time inhaled, "THEN KICK HIS FACE!" they yelled.

it became silent for a second after they said that in unison, and i started laughing. is this for real?

"did you break up with him?" mom asked, and at the same time, yunseok yelled "break up with him now!"

"i broke up with him a week and a half ago," i told them, still laughing, i'm not over their synchronized yelling on what to do. they sighed in relief as they continued eating.

"you should have told me right there and then if he was cheating!" yunseok kept talking, even while he had his mouth full, "i even know that jerk's address! i'll rip his handsome face apart!" he threatened.

"woah, calm down. i already forgave him." i told yunseok. mom kept eating, smiling to herself.

"did he apologize?" yunseok asked, and i nodded proudly. yeah i feel proud about this, there's no problem with that, right? "well, okay. i didn't even apologize to my ex four years ago when i cheated," he evil-laughed to himself.

"youㅡ demon!!" i exclaimed. he's an animal!!!! but he's my brother too. damn it.

"i'm sorry, okay? mom knows that happened!" he apologized plus confessed. i just pouted and continued eating. is that why he made fun of me when i asked about cheating? "also.. sorry for talking shit that night. i didn't know that you were actually going through something." yunseok added in his apology, which almost made me choke on my RICE.

i drank water and let it all sink in, "meh. it's whatever." i told him. even though it wasn't really 'whatevEr'. it's actually a big thing for me, apologizing, i mean.

mom chuckled, she's been keeping silent for a minute now, so yunseok and i looked at her with our brows raised. "i knew it," she told us, not even raising her gaze from her food, "next time. when i tell you to tell your worries, you better tell them, okay?" she asked.

i'm so dumb, how could mom not have known that? she's a mother! and mothers know everything. dang it.

i nodded, "okay.. sorry." then pouted again.

it's time to change.

"no more empty promises."

if you need help, reach out to family, friends, mental health professionals, or a local helpline.