The Turbulence?? (#1 in the Our Side of The Dice series)

Christopher
Bonn, Germany

Do you think this is the end of everything?

Haha

That depends on you. You just saw your wife. You didn't just see her and up for you in front of that serpentine woman. You watched her blame the lady instead of you for being in your office with her. You saw her put her emotions aside to do what was right and now you're going to watch her leave? Like, you're going to let that happen? Obviously, at this point, it depends on you. If you still care about your marriage, you'd better get off this seat and run after her.

Like a programmed robot following machinery instructions, which was in this scenario, my subconscious, I stood up with a kind of alacrity that amazed me because it had been difficult to get off my seat for the past forty minutes.

It felt like I'd been granted another dose of supernatural strength, like the one I'd felt while strangling Irene. It was as though I could not break free from cowardice by my own strength.  I could not muster courage even if I tried.

No, you can be courageous, and this is no spell. Now, RUN!

I sprinted out of my office as fast as my legs could carry me and heaved a sigh of relief when I saw my wife at the exit, about to leave the company. I muttered a word of gratitude under my breath. I'd been fortunate to catch up with her.

I couldn't hold her as firmly as I would have liked to because I was trying to catch my breath from running at such a high speed. So I touched her elbow with two of my fingers and poked her gently. This was as much as my stamina could grant me. Thankfully, my light tap had been enough for her to sense that someone had touched her. Hence, she turned to look.

Her eyes met mine and held them. They were filled with tears, fury, and pain, but beneath those emotions, I sensed relief. There was a way her breathing pattern changed to something similar to a regulated and peaceful movement when she turned and saw that I was the one who'd touched her. I wasn't mistaken, was I? I knew how to read Yemisi's body and even breathing movements like an inscription on a billboard. Why did I see relief? How could she be satisfied to see me after what had just happened?

"I thought you wouldn't run after me." She used her free hand to wipe the tears that had nearly dried up on her cheeks and smiled quickly.

As quick as it took that smile to appear on her face, it disappeared at an even faster speed. She was still hurting. She still wanted to kill me, but at least she was glad to see me. I had to make the best use of this chance to tell her the truth. I couldn't allow fear to enslave me for the second time. If I don't explain myself properly now, then it's going to be over

"Yemisi, nothing happened between us. She's just bent on destroying our marriage for no reason, I swear,” I took her hands and squeezed them gently, but she yanked them away from mine. This makes my heart skip a beat with a new wave of pain, but I don't let her rejection discourage me. I lick my lips awkwardly and continue with my words.

“I-i'm sorry for everything, for the pain I've caused you so far. I'm sorry for being a coward, for lying to you, for chickening out of a discussion we should have had a long time ago. If we had had it when you kept asking about it, this wouldn't have happened."

"Exactly. It wouldn't have happened, and now your sorry is as useless and vain as Count Casanova attempting to purchase a chastity belt. You know, it hurts me whenever I realize that I tolerated all of your cowardly actions. Do you expect me to believe you now and give importance to your apology?"

"I tried calling you that day—"

"I made my findings before locating you, and do you know what I heard about you in the process?" she scoffed and gritted her teeth. Then she rolled her eyes as a tear ran down her cheek. "I couldn't believe the nuisance you caused, and it's shocking to me that I cared enough to be curious about what you were up to when I came to this country for an entirely different purpose. I can't believe that I still want to keep this marriage with you even in this moment. I can't believe that I still love you so much right now."

I felt so ashamed of myself for letting my wife down. Words failed me. The most grammatically embedded and genuine apology did not even seem enough to pierce Yemisi's heart. It was clear that she too was helpless and wished she could no longer feel the things she was still feeling for me. My 'sorry's' could not patch up the grave wound in her soul. What I needed to do was make her sentiments legitimate and worthy of feeling. Saying sorry would only show that I didn't intend to prove to her that I was worth loving. It would come off as lazy and me being a shameless weakling.

I reached for her hands again and held them more firmly. She tried to remove them from my hold, but I captured her whole palm, rubbing on them softly and pleadingly.

"What are you doing now, Christopher?" she gaped, trying hard to remove her hand from my hold.

"I won't defend myself anymore, Yemi," I summoned the determination to look at her. "It was my fault for avoiding you and making you worry so much, but I assure you that I didn't sleep with her. I'm sure I didn't. I...I..."

"You aren't even sure. Look how you're stuttering," Yemisi shook her head. "The owner of the alehouse told me everything – of how she saw you naked with only a duvet tied to your waist. She explained how you reeked of alcohol and looked like a total mess. How can you guarantee and prove to me that you did not sleep with her when you were too drunk? And when did you start drinking so much, Chris? Seriously, what's your problem? Why didn't you just open up to me on that day?"

"I'm sorry," I sighed as a tear dropped. "I've been trying to tell my mother to get rid of this betrothal since she created it in the first place. I can't chase that lady away on my own."

"You could at least try to imbibe courage like I did a few minutes ago. I don't expect you to act like a 'man' all the time. Stereotypes be damned, but Chris, I expected you to know how to handle the situation wisely. The fact that you could hurt me like this because you wanted to hide the truth from me is something I don't understand at all."

As I watched her fingers vibrate and tears fall from her cheeks as she spoke, I wished I could run into a deep, bottomless hole and die there. I despised myself for making her feel so miserable.

Yes, she would stop hurting if you took the appropriate measures toward achieving that. Stop wishing that she stops feeling pain. Do something to make her feel better.

"You know what? I won't bother myself about this issue anymore. I've been the one making all the efforts while you are out there sleeping with someone else, " she removed her hands from my hold. "I have a ton of work to do. If I had decided to make good use of my time, I wouldn't have come here. So, goodbye, Chris."

She stormed away and ran off to catch the next available taxi. I saw her cover her lips to stop herself from sobbing. And again, I watched her leave without being able to do anything to stop her. I watched as my strong wife tried so hard not to soil her suit with tears by covering her mouth, and I was the reason behind all that.

I would never forgive myself for this unless I could bring her to smile again.