1914
The men had now been in France for two weeks and the women were slowly adjusting to the new world. Pol and Sarah were successfully balancing home life and work, which was why it was strange when Sarah had come back from the bathroom for the third time, Polly eyed her up and down suspiciously. Polly took in her appearance and noticed how pale she was.
"Sarah?"
"Yes?" Sarah answered looking flustered, Polly hesitated before deciding to confront the girl
"Do you have something you need to tell me?" She asked as she nursed her glass of whisky. Sarah shook and took a deep breath and looked her in the eye
"I think I'm pregnant."
"Think or know?"
Sarah took another deep breath, "Know. I know I am."
"Does Tommy know?" Sarah hesitated and looked away, "it is Tommy's right?"
"Of course it is!" She snapped, "But no, he doesn't know, I didn't know until the other week."
"How far along are you?"
"I don't know, six or seven weeks."
They were in silence for a little bit before Sarah put her head in her hands and started sobbing. Polly rubbed her back soothingly, "It'll be OK."
"No it won't, I'm not ready for this, I can't do it on my own."
"You're not on your own." Sarah just nodded and let Polly comfort her.
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After a couple of weeks, Sarah had come round to the idea of having a little her or little Tommy around and had started looking forward to it. It was only one night that she was in the garrison she felt a pain in her stomach, she went to the toilet and found loads of blood. Sarah froze on the spot, she couldn't believe what she was witnessing and only came back into reality when Ada came in looking for her
"Sarah?"
All she could do was whimper when she heard Ada's voice, she opened the toilet door and instructed her to find Pol. Ada hadn't known that Sarah was pregnant so didn't understand Sarah's urgency
"Now Ada!" She snapped, Ada rushed off to find Polly. Sarah tried to clean herself up as she waited for Polly, she jumped when she heard her voice from the other side of the door
"Sarah?"
"Pol....there's blood....lots of it."
Ada stood behind her auntie, confused about the situation. Polly squeezed her eyes shut feeling sorry for the girl, she sighed and turned to Ada
"Tell everyone In the pub to get out then come back and help me."
Ada nodded.
"Sarah-" Polly began calmly
"I understand Pol. I know what's happened."
"I'm sorry."
Sarah didn't say anything, she just shook her head and leant against the door, she barely acknowledged when Polly and Ada brought her home and cleaned her up. After Polly put Sarah to bed, she explained everything to Ada and made her promise to never tell Tommy as she knew that Sarah wouldn't want him to know.
'He can't miss what he never knew he had'
Ada and Polly sat at the kitchen table the next morning in silence, well unless you included an excitable Finn running around. "Should we go and wake her up?" Ada asked her aunt quietly.
"Leave her be."
"Do you think we should tell someone? A Doctor maybe?"
"Who needs a doctor?" Sarah asked as she came into the room, she picked up Finn and swung him around before kissing his cheek and sending him to get his school things. "Sarah, we thought you'd be in bed." Polly said, concerned by her attitude.
"Why would I do that? There is work to be done."
"Yes but Sarah-"
"But what Pol? Tommy asked me to help run things, so that's what I'm doing." She snapped, she grabbed a piece of toast before walking out holding Finns hand, "Come on, let's take you to school."
Ada gave her auntie a look, which only annoyed Polly
"What!"
"I mean you said yourself, 'Tommy can't miss what he never knew he had' Well he would miss his business, which he does still have." She pointed out nervously.
Ada's words were exactly what Sarah had already thought in her mind, she'd heard Polly saying to Ada last night about why she didn't want Tommy to know and Polly was right, that was the reason she didn't want Tommy to know. If she was being honest with herself, it was also because she never wanted her child at first and felt that it was her punishment. Once Polly got to the den, she managed to pull her aside to check in with her
"I'm fine, Pol, honestly."
"Sarah, you lost a child."
"I'm aware, but that was out of my control. This, this business is in my control...as is my shift at the pub which I'm going to miss if I don't leave right now." She kissed Pol on the cheek before rushing out to her job. Sarah didn't want pity from anyone, she just wanted to keep as much normality as possible, which was borderline impossible with the war going on, but nevertheless that was her goal.
When Sarah came back to the Shelby house that night, she found Polly with an empty bottle of whiskey in front of her, "What's wrong?" Her heart was pounding, "is it one of the boys? What is it? Who-"
"It's not about the boys." Pol slurred as Sarah sat opposite her and grabbed her hands, but Polly just glared at her
"I lost my children."
"I remember." Sarah stammered as Polly sniffled and swallowed hard.
"I know what it's like, your heart breaks."
"It's not the same Pol." She whispered
"I miss them every fucking day." She sobbed.
"I know, I'm sorry."
"You need to let yourself feel it."
"Polly, all I think about every fucking day are Tommy, Cain, John, Arthur, Freddie...all of the boys, OK, so there is only so much that I can take. The only reason I haven't lost it yet is because I'm holding hope that they'll come home. If I acknowledge that I lost the baby, then I feel like there's no point in even trying to hold out hope, because otherwise I truly have lost everything."
"They'll come home." Polly told them
"No they won't Pol, not all of them. Part of them will always be there."
"Thank you, Sarah."
"For what?"
"Everything you've done for this family."
"Polly, you've done more for me than anyone in my whole life, you've given me this family." She smiled at the older woman, "I'm making us a cup of tea, and then I think it's time for bed." She laughed. Polly smiled as she let Sarah take over.
Ok I was hesitant to do the miscarriage but it's sort of relevant to where I want the story to go.