CHAPTER SIXTY FIVE
new history.
season six, episode nine.
"I THINK THEY'RE WORKING," CASSIE SAID, HER HANDS FOLDED IN HER LAP AS SHE SPOKE TO HER THERAPIST. Eyes shifting to the ticking clock hanging above the wondow, her lips twitched downwards, realizing that their session was almost over. "The anti— uh, the meds."
Rain smiled at her, clutching onto the clipboard that rested over her knees. "You can say antidepressants, Cassie," she reminded her, a knowing expression on her face. "It's not a bad word."
"I'm not depressed," Cassie instantly denied, before pausing for a moment after she spoke. Letting out a short laugh, she shook her head, her statement sounding ridiculous even in her own ears. "Okay, yeah, that was a lie."
"Well, I'm glad that they're working as intended," Rain smiled, genuinely happy as she scribbled down a quick note. "I have to say, I've seen a lot of improvement in your mood over the last month. I'm glad you decided to continue our sessions."
Shrugging thoughtfully, Cassie looked down to the ground. After taking Webber's advice and going on a short leave of absence, she reached out to her therapist, who she'd been avoiding ever since George died. After five weeks worth of biweekly sessions, as well as being prescribed mood stabilizers and changing prescriptions for her anxiety, Cassie was finally starting to feel like her old self again.
"I think..." Cassie trailed off, not entirely sure of her decision as her gaze snapped upwards. "I think I'm ready to go back to work."
Looking up with a raised brow, Rain sat back in her seat, a questioning look on her face as she stared at her client. "Dr. Webber spoke to me recently," she informed her. "He said you're welcome back at any time, but I'm required to sign off before you can perform surgery again. Essentially, he needs to be sure that you're mentally fit to be a doctor."
"Am I?" Cassie bit the inside of her cheek, not sure what answer she expected. "Mentally fit?"
Nonchalantly removing a yellow form from a folder she had nearby, Rain wrote her signature on the bottom of the page and held it out. "If you think you're ready, then I believe you." Cassie smiled, reaching out to take it before it was snatched away from her grasp. "But, I have some rules."
"Okay, hit me."
"Number one, you see me at least twice a month, no questions asked," Rain ordered, her features calm yet her voice stern as she spoke to a willing Cassie, who simply nodded at her instruction. "Number two, remember what we worked on last week. You are not—"
"I am not responsible for their deaths," Cassie recited her therapists words, the lesson deeply engraved into her brain. Taking a deep breath, she continued, the next part being the hardest for her to accept. "Blame is a self destructive thought. I couldn't control what happened, so I shouldn't let it control me."
"Exactly," the blonde nodded with a grin, proud of her for coming so far. "Now, number three... have a normal day."
Cassie tilted her head, her eyes narrowed as she tried to decipher what she meant. "I'm sorry?"
"Have a normal day," Rain repeated with a shrug. "Your life and your emotions have been a roller coaster for the past few months. In my opinion, the best way to get back the person you used to be, is to go back to the life you used to live. So, have a normal day. Go on rounds, assist in surgery, and eat lunch with your friends. No drama, no self doubt, and—" she raised her voice, emphasizing her next words, "—no Mark."
Cassie opened her mouth to speak, cutting herself off before she could. Sighing in assent, she leant back in her seat on the soft couch, puffing out her cheeks with a huff.
"But... I like when there's Mark."
Rain narrowed her eyes. "No Mark."
"Fine," Cassie rolled her eyes, giving the therapist a faux distasteful look. "Ugh, I hate when you make me do stuff that's in my best interest."
"Me too, Cassie," she nodded solemnly, though a smirk pulled at the edges of her lips. "Me too."
☆
Derek stood in front of the elevator doors, checking his watch while he waited for them to open. It was still early in the morning, which was proven as a yawn exited his mouth, prompting him to take a gulp of the hot coffee in his hand.
Hearing the ding sounding from above, he looked up, smiling to himself at the sight of a nervous Cassie standing in the elevator, clad in her scrubs as she put her hair up in a ponytail. Letting out an irritated groan as she continued to feel bumps where her hair was supposed to be smooth, Cassie pouted as her hair fell back down to her shoulders, her arms aching after multiple failed attempts.
Derek stepped onto the elevator, silently taking the hair tie from her wrist and putting it up into a ponytail himself, just like he used to do for her when she was younger and her mom was gone at work.
"Rough first day back?" he guessed, an amused smirk on his lips as he watched her sigh in relief at his action.
"You could say that," Cassie nodded, wincing as he finished off the tie. "Callie woke me up in the middle of the night because there was a spider in her room and she needed me to kill it, and then this morning, my alarm didn't go off, so I was an hour late to my meeting with the Chief."
Derek held out an iced coffee, which she accepted with a grateful smile. "Anything I can do?"
"Not really. Honestly, I just need today to be normal, you know? I just want to have a normal day, then go home, and hang out with my cat."
"Fair enough," he smiled, giving her a supportive pat on the back. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Cass. We missed you around here."
Cassie grinned at him. "I missed you too."
Derek returned the gesture, before tugging on the end of her ponytail that he'd just done. She gasped in mock offense, reaching out and ruffling his hair in an attempt to mess it up. Really, she wasn't surprised when it didn't so much as change directions.
Swatting at her hand, Derek laughed with a shake of his head before changing the subject. "Oh, did you hear that we're getting a new peds attending?" Cassie raised a brow. "Yeah, Dr. James retired last month."
"Huh, I wonder who—"
Her statement was cut off by the doors opening once again, revealing the one person she wasn't supposed to be interacting with. At this point, Cassie wasn't surprised, figuring that it was simply her luck.
Mark's eyes widened at the sight of her standing in front of him, freezing for a moment before getting onto the elevator. He moved to stand on the opposite side of Derek, his eyes never leaving the side of her face even as she adamantly avoided eye contact.
"You're back," Mark pointed out, seeming as if he was about to take a step closer but deciding against it.
"I am," Cassie nodded with a tight lipped smile, her eyes glued onto the floor as she bit her lip.
"How, uh, how are you feeling?"
"Good! I'm good. Super good."
"Cool, cool," he mumbled. "That's, uh, cool."
"Yes," she nodded. "Very cool."
Squinting in suspicion, Derek's gaze snapped between them. "Why are you two being so weird?"
Briefly making eye contact for the first time in over a month, Cassie and Mark shared a look, neither of them entirely sure of the answer. "We're not acting weird," they immediately chorused, both of their mouths snapping shut after they did so.
"Riiight," Derek drawled, before lowering his voice to a mumble. "Because speaking in unison is definitely not weird."
The elevator went completely silent. Frowning at the length of the ride, Mark looked up at the floor numbers, only to realize no one had actually pressed any of the buttons.
He reached over Cassie to press the correct numbers, unintentionally getting in her personal space. She sucked in a breath at his proximity, the unique smell of him filling her senses. The smell of wood and longing and sex and home.
"I'm normal!" Cassie abruptly announced, the words coming out louder than intended and making Mark jump backwards in surprise. "I-I'm being normal. Today is normal."
"I—" Mark blinked at her, his mouth gaping open but no words coming out. "Okay."
"Okay," she repeated, sending him a curt nod as she tightened her ponytail. Derek watched them interact, a disbelieving expression on his face. After what they were all convinced was a million years, the elevator stopped, arriving at Cassie's floor. The second the doors opened, she bolted away, only calling out a brief goodbye over her shoulder.
Derek looked to Mark. "She's not normal."
"No," he agreed with pursed lips, stunned from whatever that was. "No, she is not."
"None of this is normal. You two broken up, Cass taking a month off work..." Derek paused, giving him a once over with an analytical look in his eye. Mark noticed his stare, frowning and uncomfortably shifting in place while he waited for his floor to arrive. "And you're being weird."
Mark rolled his eyes. "Shut up."
☆
Cassie glanced down at her pager while entering the ER, a yawn escaping her as she made her way towards the nurses desk. A nurse she didn't recognize stood behind it, speaking on the phone, presumably about an incoming trauma. Cassie figured the nurse was a transfer from Mercy West, since she'd only met a few doctors from the hospital. Patiently waiting for the phone call to finish, she glanced around the ER, the busyness of it feeling unfamiliar after being gone for so long.
"Sorry about that," the nurse apologized, hanging up the phone and giving her attention to Cassie. She sent her a friendly smile, nodding towards the filled beds and busy doctors. "Clearly, it's not a slow day."
"Oh, it's no problem," Cassie waved her off, returning the grin as she leant forward and rested her elbows on the desk. "Anyways, uh, I was paged? It didn't say for who."
The nurse shuffled through some folders, biting her lip in concentration. "Sorry," she apologized once again, even though she had no reason to in Cassie's opinion. "I'm sort of new here... what's your name?"
"Dr. Harper," she told her casually, looking around for a familiar attending but finding none.
"Resident?" Cassie nodded, watching her sift through her notes. "Right, okay, let's see. Oh, you were paged by peds."
Once again observing the area, her eyes searched for Arizona, but the blonde woman was nowhere to be found. With a frown, she turned back to the nurse. "I don't see Dr. Robbins."
"Oh, sorry!" the girl slapped a hand on her forehead as if she should have remembered something. "It was Dr. Bailey who paged you."
Cassie nodded, confused, but sent the nurse a thankful smile anyways. "Sweet." Moving to turn around, she stopped herself before she could. "What was your name, by the way?"
The nurse perked up. "It's, um, it's Sophie."
"Well, it was nice to meet you, Sophie. Thanks for the help. Oh, and welcome to Seattle Grace."
"Yeah, yeah, it— um, no problem."
Cassie sent her one last smile, before turning on her heel and expecting to find Bailey somewhere nearby, since evidently, she paged her for a peds case.
Her plans were interrupted, however, by a body clashing into her own, chest to chest, the stranger's chin hitting her forehead and sending her falling towards the ground. But before she could hit the floor, strong arms quickly took a hold of her elbows, keeping her upright and unharmed; well, other than her newfound headache.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't—" Cassie began to apologize, her hands instinctively taking ahold of the stranger to avoid falling. But whatever words she was planning to say, died in her throat the second she got a glimpse of the person in front of her.
Turns out, not a stranger.
It all came back in flashes; the first day of her freshman year of medical school, sitting front row in his class. Captivated by the way he spoke, by the way he looked, by the way he said her last name. Harper. It had sounded so elegant coming out of his mouth, the half English, half Australian accent sounding smooth in her ears. Cassandra. He'd refused to call her by her nickname, and she'd let him.
Sneaking out of the janitor's exit after leaving his office late at night, hair tousled and mascara smudged down her face. Staying late to discuss her grades, as if Cassie would ever score less than a hundred percent on an assignment in a developmental biology course.
Though, it had never been anything more than sex. At least, for her, it wasn't. Cassie didn't do relationships — Mark just so happened to be the exception. So of course, in true Cassie fashion, the second he wanted more from her... she ran.
Clearly, not far enough.
"Ethan?"
The shock on his face was dramatic enough to rival her own. Ethan's sharp jaw hung open, an unusual and uncharacteristic sort of squeak bubbling up from his throat as he stared at her. He quietly cleared his throat, returning to his natural state of aloofness in the blink of an eye.
But Cassie knew better. After all, when you have sex with someone almost every day for a year, you tend to catch onto their mannerisms pretty quickly.
"Cassandra," he breathed out, a shiver running down Cassie's spine at the sound of his voice. His hold on her elbows only tightened, finally making her consciously aware of the fact that he was touching her. That she was touching him. "I didn't... I didn't expect to see you here."
This cannot be happening, this cannot be happening, this cannot be happening, this cannot be—
"I work here," Cassie said simply, her mouth seeming to move without her mind's consent. Taking the next few following moments of uncomfortable silence to process the situation she was in, she studied his features carefully.
He looked the same, but worn. There were two soft wrinkles on his forehead that weren't there before, and he'd adopted a more rugged look as opposed to the proper one he had the last time she'd seen him.
But, his eyes were the same; nearly black in color, sharply piercing her own, feeling like he could read her every thought just by taking a simple glance in her direction.
Mark's eyes are blue, Cassie caught herself thinking. Mark's eyes felt soft, like the gentle touch of the waves against her feet while she took a stroll along the edge of the beach. His eyes felt like a comfortable and quiet sea, an ocean Cassie found herself stranded in on more than one occasion.
Looking into Ethan's eyes didn't feel like that. But why was Cassie suddenly comparing the two?
"Did you hear me?" Ethan's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. It was only then that Cassie realized her grip on his arms had grown twice as strong. Furrowing his brows in concern, he tilted his head down at her. "Are you alright?"
Hastily letting go and taking a noticeable step backwards, she shook her head, more flustered than she'd been in months. "I— what?"
Lips quirking upwards at her reaction, almost like he knew the effect he had on her, Ethan straightened out the sleeves his lab coat. "I just asked you how you've been."
Well, my best friend died. Oh, and I broke the heart of the only man I've ever loved. Also, I have period cramps, and now, thanks to you, a really bad headache, so—
"I'm good," Cassie lied through her teeth, her eyebrows raising as a tell of her dishonesty. "I've, uh, I've been good. Normal."
"Good," Ethan echoed with a smile, his eyes instinctively fitting down to her lips for the briefest of moments. "Normal is good."
The silence between the two doctors was loud, neither of them moving from their position in the middle of the chaotic ER. Cassie felt a little bit like she was in a dream; the strange, vague meaning type of dream. Not quite a nightmare, per say, but a dream weird enough to make Cassie wake up in a cold sweat.
"I'm sorry, but what exactly are you doing here?" Cassie's words came out much harsher than she'd intended. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him, but that to see him on this day, of all days, really wasn't ideal.
"I work here," Ethan echoed her previous statement with a soft smile, not at all seeming bothered by her tone. "I was getting a bit restless back in Melbourne—I did tell you I was running a children's relief program there, didn't I?"
Cassie nodded offhandedly. "Mhm."
"Right, well, when Dr. Webber called with a job offer, I couldn't refuse. I've been the one in charge for so long, it got a bit... well, draining. Being a regular attending once again will be a welcome change." He shrugged, casually running a hand through his hair. He always had really nice hair, Cassie remembered. "Besides, I have family here in Seattle, so it all worked out in the end."
"Family?" Cassie raised a brow, not recalling him ever mentioning his family. Of course, they were usually a bit too preoccupied to talk about things like that. "Who—"
"Oh, Uncle Ethan, you made it."
Rue was casual, too casual. Cassie's gaze darted back and forth between them, looking for an answer she couldn't find. Ethan grinned down at the second year resident, sending her a friendly wink as she approached them.
"Uncle Ethan?"
"Yeah," Rue sighed, her face showing that she'd been forced to explain the situation more than once. She pointed to herself as she rested an elbow on Ethan's shoulder, her dark skin a stark contrast against his paleness. Cassie raised a brow in question, not understanding what was going on (that seemed to be happening a lot lately). "Adopted, if that wasn't obvious."
Cassie liked Rue. In fact, if the Nepali girl wasn't in relationship with Lexie, she most likely would have slept with her at some point.
Rue was smart, and driven, and by far the best resident in her year. Really, if Cassie thought about it, it made sense that she was the niece of Ethan Caldwell, Harper Avery Award Winning Surgeon who saved the lives of little kids and was good in bed and had amazing hair.
"You two," Cassie said slowly, having issues processing the given information. "You two are related?"
"I know, right?" Rue nodded, her brows furrowed in confusion but her tone noticeably sarcastic. "Like, can you believe that this—" she pointed to Ethan with a look of disgust on her face, before gesturing to herself with a dramatic flare of her fingertips, "—could possibly be related to this?"
Ethan rolled his eyes, sending her a faux glare. "Why my sister ever decided to adopt you, truly is beyond me—"
Rue frowned, genuinely offended. "Probably because I'm perfect? God, keep up, old man."
A smile took up residence on Cassie's face, but it wasn't really hers. Cassie's smile was soft, and toothy, and unintentionally led people to stop in their tracks at the mere sight of it. Mark used to joke with her, telling her not to smile while crossing the road to avoid blinding the oncoming traffic.
But this smile wasn't like that; this smile was forced, downturned at the edges and sort of... ugly. This smile said, hey, I'm in physical and emotional pain!, and Cassie was pretty sure that if Mark saw it on her face, he'd call an ambulance on the spot.
"I would love to catch up, but, um," she blurted, interrupting the uncle and niece's ongoing debate on whether or not Rue was, in fact, perfect. "I was actually paged down here for a case, and Bailey isn't exactly the patient type, so—"
"That was for me, actually," Ethan informed her, looking far too comfortable for his first day on the job in Cassie's opinion. "I asked Dr. Bailey to page the best available resident..." Looking her up and down, his lips twitched upwards. "Truthfully, Cassandra, I'm not surprised to see it's you."
While Cassie was busy staring at Ethan as if he'd grown three heads, stunned by the casual compliment he'd sent her after everything that happened back in New York, Rue scrunched her nose up at her uncle.
"Dude, stop flirting with my boss."
That didn't help.
Sensing the mood shift almost immediately, Rue pursed her lips, sucking her teeth as she looked anywhere but at the doctors. Like a godsend, Sophie's voice cut through the silence, waving the resident over. "Dr. Lennon, we've got one incoming. Dr. Hunt is already out there."
Letting out a thankful sigh and mumbling something along the lines of a prayer, Rue sent one last odd glance to the pair before taking off towards the ambulance bay.
Ethan, completely unaffected (unlike Cassie, who's strained smile had only grown wider), held out a hand towards the bed belonging to their patient, his head tilted in silent inquiry.
"Shall we?"
Cassie wanted to scream, or maybe punch something. Bang her head against the wall, perhaps.
"Lead the way."
☆
To put it simply, Mark Sloan was not a fan of Ethan Caldwell.
Of course, there was a voice in the back of his head that said,you haven't even met the guy yet, you should at least give him a chance to prove he doesn't suck.
And at first, Mark was inclined to listen to that voice. So what, the new attending was talking to his girlfriend— pardon him, ex-girlfriend. A lot of people talked to Cassie; she was personable, that was one of the things Mark loved about her. It really wasn't a big deal.
All Ethan was doing was talking to her, and... laughing. So what? Cassie told a lot of jokes. He couldn't seriously be blaming the guy for laughing, could he?
Yes, Mark thought, sending the voice a metaphorical 'fuck you' in the form of glaring daggers through the back of the pediatric surgeon's head. He could.
Cassie could feel the eyes on her before she even turned around.
Standing to Ethan's left while he examined their patient, a six year old boy who'd been having issues with his lungs, Cassie held her breath as if to avoid the doctor remembering that she was standing next to him. Every so often, he would ask her a question, leaning a bit into her space and speaking quietly so the patient wouldn't hear him.
Occasionally, Cassie would make a witty joke or give him a sarcastic reply, both as a defense mechanism and as a consequence of her natural personality. Ethan would laugh, giving her humor far more praise than it deserved.
Every time, Cassie ignored it, and every time, Mark watched it happen.
"Can you take a deep breath in for me, Mason?" Ethan asked the patient in a soothing tone in an attempt to calm his nerves. The young boy did as told, his eyes watering from the pain in his chest. "Alright, that's good."
He motioned Cassie to move closer to him, the resident doing so halfheartedly. "I detect a murmur in his heart, but I'd like to page cardio just to be sure."
Cassie inwardly sighed, thankful for the excuse to leave. "Oh, I'll do that right now—"
"Dr. Harper?" he raised a brow, prompting her to stop in her tracks. Cassie instinctively huffed at the way he said her last name in such a teasing manner. "If you're free for lunch, I'd love to catch up."
"Yeah, yeah, I, um—" she stuttered, her mind buffering as she attempted to come up with an excuse. "Today isn't great, but I—"
Ethan watched her with a knowing smirk, cutting off her rambles before they could start. "Some other time, then."
"Yeah." Hesitantly, Cassie nodded, giving him a tight lipped smile before she left. "Some other time."
Mark watched her walk away, completely disregarding his work. Wait, was she uncomfortable? She looked uncomfortable. He should definitely go over there and give that asshole a piece of his mind—
"Don't even think about it," Callie stopped him in his tracks, a firm hand against his chest as she came out of nowhere. She stared up him with a stern frown, knowing his movements before he made them. "She's allowed to talk to other people, for god's sake."
"I know she is," Mark defended himself. Callie raised a brow in disbelief. "Just... not to him."
Rolling her eyes, Callie crossed her arms over her chest while Mark once again went back to glaring at Ethan. "You don't even know the guy."
Mark scoffed. "I know enough. I mean, what kind of douchebag would flirt with Cass in front of a patient?"
"Um," she gave him an obvious look, "you?"
"That— that's different."
"Is it, though?" Callie sighed, not used to seeing her best friend so broken up. "Look, I know you miss her, but this whole jealousy thing you have going on is getting kind of sad."
Mark made a face of disagreement, watching how Ethan gently spoke to the young patient, so kind and respectful and attractive yet utterly and completely douchebag-ish. "I'm not jealous."
"Yeah, okay, and I don't like women."
"I'm not jealous, Torres," he repeated, with more conviction in his voice than the last time. Mark finally looked away from the pediatric surgeon, not without sending him one last warning glare (not that Ethan had any clue what was going on). "Cass loves me. Besides, they just met. I don't have anything to be jealous of."
Callie shrugged. "True, but she also broke up with you and told you to find someone else, which sort of implies that she plans to do the same thing." At Mark's deadpan look, she recoiled back slightly. "I'll shut up now."
☆
"So, how do you like your present?" Meredith raised a brow at Cristina, nodding towards the lunch table where the attendings were eating lunch. Cassie sat down just after she spoke, following her gaze to where a blonde woman she'd never seen before was sitting next to Mark.
"What present?" Cassie whispered to Alex in question, eyeing up the stranger who was talking to her boyfriend— pardon her, ex-boyfriend.
"Teddy Altman, new cardio attending," he answered at a regular volume. "I heard she and Hunt served in Iraq together or something."
Cristina rolled her eyes. "Oh, you mean Private Benjamin over there?" Cassie smirked at the nickname. "Owen said she would surprise me. Well, guess what. Surprise! She doesn't know how to do surgery."
Cassie took a bite of her apple, not-so-subtly watching how the new attending interacted with Mark. Obviously, she wasn't jealous, but the least she could do was look out for him, right? It definitely wasn't jealousy.
"Leave her alone," Alex scolded Cristina, not before sending a knowing look to Cassie, who gave him a faux-innocent one in return. "It's her first day."
Cristina sent him an incredulous glare. "Why are you defending her? She went to state school."
Alex narrowed his eyes. "So did I."
"She's tall and skinny."
"So is Cass."
"She's blonde."
"So is Mer."
"Well... she's annoying."
"So are you."
Cristina looked at him for a moment, Cassie and Meredith's eyes bouncing between the two like a tennis match. "Where is your wife, by the way?"
"His wife?" Cassie mumbled in confusion, before the stern look Meredith sent Cristina told her everything she needed to know. Taking a deep breath to center herself, she looked up at Meredith, barely containing her rage. "Mer, did you happen to neglect to tell me that Izzie in the hospital today?"
"Why?" the blonde quickly rushed out, suspiciously looking her up and down. "I-I mean, what, uh, would you do if she were?"
Thinking back to how heartbroken Alex had looked over a month before when he told her how Izzie left him with nothing more than a note, Cassie clutched her apple tightly in her fist, her nails piercing the fruit.
"Nothing." Have a normal day, she reminded herself with gritted teeth. If only having a normal day included killing Izzie Stevens in broad daylight. "Nothing at all."
"I—" Meredith stuttered, choosing to believe Cassie despite her better judgment in favor of changing the conversation. "Okay. So, uh, Cristina, what did you say to Owen?"
"Oh, that she's gotta go," Cristina shrugged, taking a bite of her salad. "I mean, he knows how important this is to me. I need someone who's gonna take me to the next level, and he brings me, like, this desert storm Barbie who hasn't seen the inside of an OR in, what, ten years? I-I mean, if this is what he thinks of my talent, then I... I gotta break up with him. I mean—"
She was cut off by the sound of an apple falling onto the table, nearly broken in half by the time it rolled to a stop. Alex, Cristina, and Meredith turned their heads to see Cassie sitting completely frozen, cringing at the sight before her.
Ethan entered the cafeteria alongside Arizona, the blonde woman making a beeline straight for the table where Callie, Owen, Teddy, and Mark were sitting.
"No freakin' way," Alex laughed, oblivious to the situation his friend was in. "Ethan Caldwell is the new peds guy?"
The second those words left his mouth, Meredith and Cristina's gazes snapped towards Cassie, who let out a pained groan as she hunched over and hid her head in her arms, her forehead resting against the table.
Slowly, Cristina let out a chuckle. "Oh, Cass," she shook her head with faux sympathy and an evil smirk. "Oh, you are so screwed."
"Did you know he was here?" Meredith wondered, talking to the back of Cassie's head since her face was still covered.
"Unfortunately," came Cassie's muffled voice.
Alex looked between the three with a frown. "What am I missing?"
"Cristina, I don't think Cass would want—"
"McAngel and McPretty over there used to be in a relationship," Cristina grinned teasingly, finding humor in her person's issues.
"It wasn't a relationship!" Cassie shouted, briefly bringing her head up to peek over at the other table. "It was just—"
Suddenly, Cassie made eye contact with Mark from across the cafeteria, who had furrowed brows as he stared at her with an unreadable expression. Hesitantly moving her gaze to the left, she saw Ethan looking back at her, sending a sly wink in her direction.
"Oh my god," she groaned dramatically, once again letting her head fall face first onto the table with a thud. The three residents shared looks of concern, each of them varying in amounts of worry. "I'm gonna kill myself."
Alex picked up Cassie's apple, forcing her to sit up straight and shoving it in her face. "Eat your lunch first."
☆
"Hi there."
Cassie scrunched up her nose, turning around to face Mark as she finished putting on her shoe covers on the bench outside of the OR. Internally questioning if she heard him correctly, she raised a single brow as she repeated his words. "Hi there?"
Mark wore a strange smile on his face, if it could even be called that; it wasn't a Mark smile, that's for sure.
It looked bitter, like he just took a bite Mrs. Shepherd's blueberry pie, only to realize moments later that she forgot to put the sugar in. His smile was a bit dark, and a bit knowing, and it made Cassie wildly uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of it.
Cassie held her breath in anticipation for his next words, knowing that the best case scenario would be awkward small talk, and the worst case scenario... well, she didn't really want to think about that.
"Going into surgery?"
"Yeah," she nodded hesitantly. "I'm one of the residents on the case with the new peds and cardio attendings."
"Oh, right! Dr. Caldwell, huh?" Mark smirked down at her, his sarcasm crystal clear. "Pretty impressive dude, from what I can tell. Surgeon, activist, professor." He let out an empty chuckle. "Of course, you know him much better than I do, isn't that right?"
There it is.
Cassie blinked up at him, before scoffing to herself in disbelief. "He told you," she asked, though it came out as more of a statement.
"Didn't need to," Mark shook his head with forced nonchalance. "He mentioned he was your med school professor, and I—" his facade fell for a moment, "—I saw the way he looked at you. It wasn't exactly hard to put the pieces together."
With a huff, Cassie got to her feet, checking her surroundings to make sure no one else was within hearing distance. "You really want to do this right now?" she asked, earning a nod from a smug looking Mark. "You know, I was trying to have a normal day, but clearly, that's not gonna happen, so... fine," she shrugged. "I fucked Ethan. Happy?"
Mark narrowed his eyes. "Thrilled."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you want me to lie?"
"Even if you did, I wouldn't believe you."
Cassie bit the inside of her cheek, looking up at him with an unreadable expression. "Is there a particular reason you're being kind of a dick, or is it just your time of the month?"
Mark took a step forward, brows furrowed as he stared down at her. "I can't do the small talk, Cass," he told her honestly. "Not with you. You want to know why I'm being a dick?"
"If you'd be so kind."
"I'm jealous," Mark admitted with zero hesitation. He breathed out a laugh, taking another step closer. "I, uh, I tried to convince myself that I wasn't, but I am, because I'm in love with you, and the thought of anyone else being with you that way makes me sick."
Cassie didn't move a muscle.
"Could we go back to the small talk, please?"
"That's the thing. I can't." Lowering his voice, Mark gave her an incredulous smile. "I can't just be your friend, Cass, and I can't look at you anymore without telling you how much I love you. I just... I can't."
Cassie frowned deeply, arms wrapping around her torso for comfort. "Mark, please stop—"
"I can't," he emphasized, taking yet another step closer so he was towering over her. "That's the problem. I can't stop loving you. I won't stop loving you, and I know for a fact that you still love me, so what the hell are we doing?"
"Seriously, don't—"
"We're wasting time being jealous, when we could just be together," Mark finished his rant, slightly out of breath as his gaze snapped between her eyes. "You broke up with me because you were grieving, Cass, but what's stopping you now?"
Staring up at him in shock from the outburst, Cassie's breath hitched in the back of her throat. She didn't answer his question, not because she didn't want to, but because she didn't know how.
"Mark, I—"
"Is everything okay over here?"
Shutting her eyes at the universe's impeccable timing, Cassie let out a sigh when she felt Mark take a step backwards. Looking over at Ethan, she sent him a halfhearted nod, watching how he glanced between the two in suspicion.
"Yeah," she told him, before sparing a fleeting glance to Mark. "Excuse me, Dr. Sloan. I have a surgery."
Mark and Ethan watched her walk away through the scrub room doors. The two men turned to face each other, their breathing sounding loud in the empty area.
"How much of that did you hear?" Mark wondered, more out of curiosity than anything else.
Ethan's lips quirked upwards as he shrugged casually, too casually. "I have zero clue what you're referring to."
With a curt nod, the pediatric surgeon turned on his heel and headed towards the OR, leaving Mark standing in the silence, alone.
☆
"Have you ever seen a case of cardiac asthma similar to this one before, Dr. Altman?" Cassie wondered, both trying to get on the new attending's good side and genuinely curious about the answer.
"Similar, yes," Teddy nodded from her place across from Cassie and diagonal from Ethan. Cristina stood on the cardio surgeon's left, eagerly watching the surgery in front of her. "There were a few cases like this I took on during my fellowship, but nothing this severe."
Cassie hummed, suctioning the field and not doing much else. It had only just occurred to her that this was the first time she'd been in an OR since the day Lily and George died. She felt oddly calm given the circumstances, though she figured that might have something to do with the new anxiety medication she'd been taking.
"Did you know that in 1833, a physician named James Hope was the one who coined the term cardiac asthma to describe the inadequate oxygenation of blood and the sensation of wanting breath resulting from it?" Cassie spoke to no one in particular. "Of course, now we refer to that as bronchial asthma instead, and the former is more often than not misdiagnosed by surgeons because of the overlapping symptoms, but still, that's pretty cool, right?"
Teddy paused her movements, tilting her head to the side. "Does she do that a lot?" she whispered to resident to her left.
Cristina nodded, smiling under her mask at Cassie, who hadn't taken her eyes off of the surgery. She never realized how much she would miss her best friend's rambles, until she spent the last few months not hearing them anymore. "All the time."
"Forceps, please," Ethan held a hand out to the scrub nurse, who put the instrument in his grasp. "So, Dr. Altman, you were in the army before this?"
Teddy smiled. "Baghdad. What about you?"
"Melbourne," he replied, the word making his accent come out clearer than usual. "Took a few years off from surgery to teach, and then decided to use the funds from the Harper Avery award I won to open up a medical center for underprivileged youths."
"Hot," Cristina mumbled under her breath, before quickly glancing up to make sure no one heard her.
"That's amazing," Teddy said honestly, motioning for Cassie to suction further to the right. "What made you decide to stop teaching?"
In unison, Cassie and Ethan froze.
"I, um," Ethan stuttered, letting out a breathless laugh. "I'm not sure we're close enough for me to answer that question."
Sending him a faux pout, Teddy shook her head teasingly. "And here I thought we might bond over a set of lungs and become best friends forever."
Seeing that Ethan was actually contemplating answering the question, Cassie sent Cristina a look of sheer panic, which was met with an oblivious shrug.
Ethan's gaze moved over to Cassie for the briefest moment before he spoke. "I got my heart broken," he said simply, a reminiscent look in his eye. "I suppose I didn't have a reason to stick around after that."
The OR went quiet, the only sounds being that of Cassie's suction and the beeping of the monitors. Cristina frowned in confusion, her gaze bouncing back and forth between Cassie and the pediatric surgeon, before her eyes went wide in understanding.
Cassie visibly cringed, wanting nothing more than to be at home with Pumpkin eating ice cream straight from the tub.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Teddy apologized, not noticing the tension between the two doctors.
"Don't be," Ethan smiled, shaking his head at her pity. He turned his head to look down at Cassie, who looked up at him at the same time. When they made eye contact, Cassie sucked in a sharp breath, her hands tightly gripping the tube as he sent her a smirk. "I'm over it."
☆
"Do it again," Mark shoved a chart into Ollie's chest, who stared straight down at the ground to avoid eye contact. "And the next time you fill out a chart, make sure your attendings will actually be able to read it."
"Yes, I-I will do that right now," the second year resident stuttered, cowering under Mark's glare. "I-I'm really sorry Dr. Sloan—"
From down the hallway, Derek narrowed his eyes at the scene, setting down his paperwork on the nurse's desk and making his way towards his best friend.
"I don't give a damn if you're sorry, I give a damn if you're capable of being a doctor. Are you capable of that, Peterson, or is being an idiot with crappy handwriting the only thing you know how to do?"
"Mark," Derek called out, hearing his words loud and clear even from several feet away. Turning to Ollie, he sighed heavily, making a shooting away motion with his hands. "Go."
"Yes sir," Ollie nodded rapidly, scurrying away with Mark's chart clutched tightly in his hands.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Mark had no idea what he was doing.
"What?" he shrugged innocently, watching Ollie trip over his own feet as he turned the corner. "The kid's an idiot, he should've been taught better."
"Oh, yeah, he's the idiot," Derek scoffed with a shake of his head. "Let me take a wild guess, this is about Cass?"
"Believe it or not, Derek, my entire world does not revolve around Cassandra Lynn Harper."
"Mark."
"I-I mean, this particular situation might—"
"Oh, for god's sake—"
"Look," Mark interjected, holding a hand in the air as he attempted to explain what he didn't even understand. "I just... I don't get it, okay?"
Crossing his arms over his chest, Derek tilted his head in thought. "Get what?"
Mark let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head at the ridiculousness of his own spiraling thoughts. "I love her, Derek," he admitted. "I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire goddamn life, and I don't get... I don't get why she can't just let me." He bit the inside of his cheek, not a fan of being so vulnerable and overeffusive. "She won't let me love her."
Derek stood silently for a moment, before saying the words that made Mark halt in his steps. "Cassie loved George."
Mark's jaw dropped to the floor. "What?!"
"No, no, not like that," Derek waved him off, before rolling his eyes at the conclusion his friend jumped to. "Not like how you love her, but... she loved him with everything she was, Mark. With everything she had, and then he left her all alone, on purpose or not."
"I—" he stuttered, recovering from his mini heart attack. "Yeah, I-I knew that was what you meant... obviously."
Derek rested back against the wall behind him, thinking about how much Cassie had been through over the years. "You know, Meredith and Cristina always say that Cass is their person, and that they're hers. But at the end of the day, whenever Cass really needs someone... I'm not so sure they are." Letting out a sharp breath, he gave Mark a guilty look. "And as much as I hate to admit it, most of the time, neither are we."
Mark thought about it for several seconds before letting out a sigh, almost as if he finally understood the one question that had been plaguing his mind for months.
"George was her person."
"Yeah," Derek nodded grimly. "Yeah, he was. Cass didn't just lose her best friend, Mark. She lost a piece of herself. And for what it's worth, I just... I don't think it's fair of you to blame her for taking time to find that again."
Derek left Mark with a pat on the back, trusting him to treat his sister with more patience than he had been that day. He just hoped he was making the right decision.
☆
Rain stared with wide eyes at her patient, recounting the load of information that had been shared with her.
"So... not a normal day, I take it?"
Cassie pinched the bridge of her nose.
"You could say that."
author's note—
in case you missed my
announcement, i made a tik
tok for my wattpad account!
i post sad and happy coding
edits, as well as lots of izzie
slander and bi cassie content!
my user is fxllmoons.wp <3