Dax shot up from the two-seater sofa, wincing as pain coursed through him. He made his way to Sana in three strides and dragged her inside. "Did someone see you on the way here?" he demanded, pressing her against the door.
Her black eyes were wide, looking at him with alarm. Not fear. There was never fear in them. "No, just a small boy who was with his dog. Is something wrong?" she asked, a heavy jute bag held against her chest.
"Are you sure? You didn't see two men—one with grey hair and beard and another plump man?"
Her dainty palm cupped his elbow. "No, Dax. I really didn't. Calm down."
"How can I calm down? Why did you show up here? Don't you realise how dangerous it is to associate yourself with me? Why are you so fucking reckless?" Dax yelled, losing his temper. His gaze was sharp, glaring to kill.
"Well, sue me for thinking I'd bring you some food and help you out---"
"I don't need your help. Did I ask for it? Even once? Why are you following me around like a fucking puppy, offering to help? To show off that you're better than me?"
"That's the thing. You never ask for help because your ego is the size of a fucking skyscraper and it's not cool. It's pathetic to watch you show up at my truck, battered and bruised. I can't help but help you!"
"Don't. Just don't."
"Why is it so hard for you to accept help? Why do you have to act like asking help is the last thing you'd do in this world?"
"Because I never had anyone to help me! I was alone all my life and not one soul helped me. Even if they did, it was to benefit themselves. So, sue me if I can't trust you to have no ulterior motives and just accept the goodness of your heart!"
Sana fell silent. After a moment, she looked at him.
"Don't fucking look at me like that," he growled, placing his arm next to her face.
"Like what?"
"Like you genuinely care."
Sana mustn't have liked the tone of his accusation. Her eyes sharpened. She levelled her head to meet his gaze head-on. "I do, you arrogant bastard. I don't know how to prove it to you. But you know what? I don't care if you believe me or not. Because I am sick of this act. I am sick of you playing the victim here, as if I'm draining the life force out of you by showing a little kindness to you. Fucking grow up! Learn to accept that there are people who'd care for you, not for any benefit, but because you are you. Because they see something in you worth saving."
Her words twisted something inside him, some part of him that he didn't know existed. He didn't like this strange new feeling. And he hated how he yearned to feel it again. The woman in front of him always confused him to a point that he began to question everything in his life. Fucking nuisance.
"I don't care. Take your kindness and good heart elsewhere. And stay out of my business!"
At this point, their feet were touching, their bodies driven into each other's personal space, breathing the same air. Their eyes battled against each other, leaving behind a trail of ash and smoke. "You know what? Fine. I'll stay the fuck away from you. But you better do the same.
"Just for your information, I meant every word that I said. It wasn't just out of mere kindness. If you are too fucking dumb to understand it, it's your loss. You are childish, arrogant, a complete imbecile and maybe—maybe you are right. I really don't know why I'm so persistently coming behind you. I must be a bigger fool than you. Maybe this is a lesson. Some people just don't want to be helped."
She shoved the jute bag against his chest. "Don't ever show up anywhere near me again. Let this be your last ice cream that I made for you. Never again." The look in her eyes told him that she meant it. There were not mere words spun from anger. "I hate you so---"
Dax didn't know what came over him. Lord, he must have lost his fucking mind. Because the next thing he knew, he was dropping the bag on the floor and bringing her closer by the neck so he could press his lips against hers.
He expected her to push him away, show any sign of hesitation or shock but there was nothing. She gave into the kiss immediately, her hands resting against his chest and slowly climbing up so she could twine her slender fingers through his black strands. It brought them closer, their chests pressing against each other, heartbeats competing with one another to see who's thriving the most in each other's company. Her heat was consuming him, her taste addicting. She tasted just like how he'd imagined she would --- caramel and sea salt and a tinge of fruit. It drove him fucking insane.
Dax snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her against him, closer, and let his palm stay there. He thumbed the strip of skin between her powder blue full-sleeved crop top and her white floor-length skirt. Their lips never once left each other –devouring, biting, sucking, licking and caressing. The maddening urge to have her in his arms and feel her warm skin against hers took a back seat and all that mattered to him now was savouring her. The moment. Because she had been teasing him, fucking with his mind, bending his concrete beliefs effortlessly and diving deeper to take a seat in his heart like she'd always owned it. It used to anger him, how little control he had when she was involved but it didn't matter now.
Her small palm on his bare chest, right above his heart.
It brought him to his knees.
Dax pulled away but Sana held him by the nape and brought him back to meet his lips, "Don't stop," she rasped before resuming the kiss.
Fuck. She was a menace.
Dax backed her against the door firmly and kissed her but slowly moved to press his lips on her jaw. She was so short so she had to climb onto her tiptoes and crane her neck. In a swift motion, he swept her off her feet, held her thighs as he walked to kitchen and placed her ass onto the counter. "Your wound---" Sana tried to say.
He pressed a finger to her lips. "Shhhh," he said, wanting to have none of that. He was hungry for her, the feel of her skin under his lips. He sponged kisses down her jaws, her throat and stopped to bite and lick spaces of stretched warm skin. Every time, he used his teeth, she arched her back a little more, a whimper leaving her lips.
"Do you still hate me?" he asked her, lifting his head to look at her.
"Without question. Do you hate me?" Her fingers drew stars on his skin absentmindedly.
"Very much."
"Then why did you kiss me?"
His eyebrow rose in challenge. "Why did you kiss me back?"
She lowered her eyes but her fingers never stopped touching his skin. He caught her fingers in his. She glanced up at him. "I meant what I said before, Red. It's dangerous to associate yourself with me."
"Don't think too highly of yourself," she snorted, trying to hop from the counter. He caged her in his arms.
"I'm serious. I'm not a good person. This—This kiss --- it shouldn't have happened, Red. You know that too, don't you? Nothing can happen between us."
"Do you think I'm a good person?"
"Yes. You're annoying and hard to shake off but yeah, you're one of the good ones."
Sana smiled sadly. "I wish I was. But I'm stained with sin."
Stained with sin.
Dax couldn't recall how many times he'd thought the same thing about himself. It was unsettling to hear Sana describe herself with the words. "What do you mean?"
"Can you keep holding me? I like being held by you," she said, a hint of pink on her cheeks. It was the first time she was acting all shy around him and she looked beautiful.
Dax didn't hesitate. He stepped forward and gathered her in his arms, tucking her under his chin and holding her to his chest. She clutched his back, her little nails drawing crescents on his skin. Dax couldn't stop wondering how perfectly she fit in his arms. It was a dangerous thought; he didn't want to spend too much time lingering on it.
"I told you about the time at the orphanage, right?" she began.
"Yes."
"You'd think a bunch of orphaned kids would stick close, find family and friendships among each other but it wasn't like that. Everyone there knew the people around were temporary--- some were adopted, some died of sickness, some went crazy. We grew up learning how to be untethered to human connection even though that is all we craved. I was particularly lonely. There was this one boy, a couple years older to me, who was friendly with me. I called him my anna and began to depend on him. We were always together. One day he fell sick. Some kind of flu. He was kept in the infirmary, secluded so that the others don't catch the bug. I—I—"
Dax noticed the catch in her voice. Her throat clogging, words struggling to form shape. He let her take her time.
"I was the only one with him. I told you that some boys went crazy, right? Because of the drug experiments?"
Dax nodded. "I remember."
"There was an older boy, much older than the two of us. He came into the infirmary, asking me if I could do something to help his headache. He was clutching his head so tightly. Before I was trusted by the nurse, I used to steal medicines from the room to give the others. So, they always asked me for help. I was searching for the medicine when I heard a shriek come from behind me. The boy had attacked my friend who had been sleeping. He was choking him, crushing his windpipe with his bare hands. I didn't know what came over me. I panicked. I lost all reason. Now, that I think, I should've screamed for help. Or tackled him to the side. But I saw a pair of scissors next to me. And—I—I—"
"You stabbed him," Dax said calmly. Sana trembled in his arms. He held her tighter. "It's fine. It was self-defence. You saved your friend."
"No, that's the thing. My friend killed himself a week later. He was already doing poorly and he was so traumatised by the incident. He kept going on and on about the look in the boy's eyes as he strangled him and I didn't take it seriously. He took his own life, Dax," she said, bringing her fingers to her face to discreetly wipe away the tears.
"It was me who killed the boy. It was me who took a person's life. My friend was the victim but he was so troubled by what happened that he killed himself. But me? I was completely okay. The orphanage covered the incident up to save their reputation. I wasn't punished for what I had done. After my friend passed away, all I thought was it was me who should've died. I thought if no one was going to hold me accountable, I should punish myself. I didn't deserve to live," Sana said. "And I tried. I tried to take my life but I couldn't. Turns out I really, really wanted to live. How sick is that?"
"That's not sick. It's human nature. We all want to survive. You were strong enough to handle the aftermath of the incident but your friend was not. It overwhelmed him and he took his life thinking it's the only way out. But you saw many other ways to deal with it. You studied, you made a life for yourself, you built a relationship with your father and you found happiness. You persevered through it. It's nothing to be ashamed of," Dax said.
"My hands--- I was a teenager when I took a life, Dax. And my hands never once shook while I did it. They were so steady. It scares me the most of what I might be capable of. Of a dark side I might have."
"That doesn't say anything about you as a person. To me, you'll always be a good person, Red." Because you shine brighter than I ever will. And if your hands are stained with sin, my soul is drenched in it.
Sana pulled away and looked at him. "To me, you'll always be a good person too, Dax."
He let out a weak laugh. "You don't know anything about me or what I do."
She squeezed his shoulder. "Then, tell me, dammit."
"Not today."
"Then perhaps one day?" She asked hopefully.
Was he really going to do this? Let himself cling to her for hope and warmth when all he could offer her were the broken fragments of his soul? Was it worth it to drag her into his life or was he being too selfish? Is he better off being alone?
"Dax," she said, cupping his jaw. "I don't know what you're thinking and if you think I might judge you or run away from you after you tell me your story, I won't. I promise you. For the past month or so, you've grown familiar to me. I watched you show up every day, waited for you every day, hoped to see you even though you frustrated me so much. Ans slowly you became more than familiar to me, Dax. When I watched you walk in with blood, I was pissed that you stained my chairs but I was more pissed that you hurt yourself. And last night--- I couldn't. My heart shattered when I saw you bleeding out. That's when I realised how much I cared for you. How much I longed for you. I realised you mean a lot to me than a customer who stopped by my shop. You mean much more than anyone else, Dax."
It was the first time he heard such tender words from a person apart from his sister. It affected him. Did something to his heart. He didn't know how to respond to her words. It was too genuine, too raw, too real for him to handle. "Why are you telling me this?" he whispered.
"Because I want you to know I'm not playing games here. I want us to happen. I want you."
"Red---"
"It will happen," she said firmly, her eyes like steel. "So, you better start trusting me and open up to me. Let me inside your walls. I want to see the real you. I want to fall in love with the real you, no matter how broken you think you are."
"Stop," Dax said, trying to remove himself from her grip. She held his face tighter. "Stop it, Red."
"Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?"
"I don't know how to react to what you're saying! It's new to me. I've never—never had---"
"Then, you better get used to it. I'm sure an arrogant man like you is capable of it." She tilted her head, as if in challenge. "Or are you not?"
"Don't test me."
"Isn't that why you like me?"
No, I like you because you're beautiful, kind, caring and brave. You're cool water and I'm a withering flower. You're a warm lantern in my land of dead nights. You're hope, Red. Hope I thought I had to reject. That I didn't deserve.
Sana wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek against his chest. "Please let me in, Dax."
All he could do was hug her back.
note: the next chapters are available on scrollstack. if you're a bit curious and can't wait a whole week to know what happens next, head over there! you can access it with the link in my bio :)