The day of my grandfathers funeral passes by in a haze. By the time it's over and I'm on my bed, my hair still tied back in the half up, half down style Ivanna helped me put it in earlier I am exhausted, overwhelmed and two moments away from crying my eyes out for the hundredth time today.
Guilt fills me because I barely remember what my grandfathers coffin looked like when it was being lowered into the cold ground, surrounded by insects and worms and bugs and-
A knock brings me out of my thoughts. I snap my head over to the door. I don't respond, hoping whoever it is will just go away but instead the door opens and Ivan walks in.
"Anastasiya." He says. "There's some stuff to eat downstairs. We brought it home from the funeral. Why don't you come get something? You didn't eat at all today."
I shake my head.
"Do you want me to bring it up for you?"
"No thank you." I whisper.
"Okay." He says. "Just let me know if you get hungry, okay?"
"Okay." I whisper weakly. He leaves the room and I force myself to sit up. I change out of the black dress and into a pair of warm pyjamas. I rip the bobble from my hair and then collapse into the bed, this time burrowing myself beneath the thick covers. I hide under them, cloaking myself in a shroud of darkness.
BONUS POV
PETRO
I walk into my grandfathers house, locking the door behind me. A bag hangs loosely from my hands, swinging beside me as I walk up the stairs.
A nurse comes out to greet me. She smiles at me. "Mr. Melnyk, your grandfather is still stable. He should be awake within the week."
Relief pours over me like a dam being opened. "Great, thank you."
She nods and walks away. I open the door to my grandfathers bedroom, smiling when I see him instead of sporting my usual frown. I go over to the side of the bed and sit down in the armchair pulled up there, just as I have for the past few days at this exact same time. I set the bag on the floor, looking down at my phone when it buzzes with a notification.
IVAN: Is Anastasiya going to school on Monday?
ME: Yes.
IVAN: But she's still upset.
ME: She needs to show how upset she is so it's believable. The sooner she goes to school and does that the sooner this can all be over.
He leaves me on read, and I sigh as I look at my grandfather again.
ANASTASIYA
I rot in bed for what feels like millennia's. By the time Sunday night rolls around I want to implode.
I brush through my freshly washed hair, my eyes watering more and more with each rake through my long brown locks. When the door opens and Aleksander steps inside dread fills me. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to any of them. It's already bad that I have to live here and endure hearing their low voices through the walls, why do they insist on talking to me too?
"Hey, sweetheart." He says, circling the bed and coming to stand behind me. He sets his large hands on my shoulders and I turn inwards on myself. He doesn't let go of me, only starts to rub one of his palms on shoulder in circles that aren't comforting. "How're you feeling?"
"Fine." I lie.
"Good." He smiles. "And school? How do you feel about going back?"
"Fine." I repeat.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay." He says. "Good. That's good. But you can come home any time you'd like."
I don't want to be here, when will you understand that? "Alright."
He brushes his hand over my hair, then leans down to kiss my forehead. "Try get to sleep soon, Ivanna will come wake you up."
"I have my alarm." I whisper.
"Okay. I'll still get her to come check you're awake, though."
I don't respond, just nod a little bit and tuck my chair in beneath the desk, forcing him to let go of my shoulders.
"Goodnight." He says.
"Night."
He leaves the room and I sigh, laying my head down on the table for a few moments. When I pick it back up I debate for a moment whether or not I should straighten my hair but quickly decide against it; I no longer care if I look pretty. I just want to get through tomorrow without hassle or trouble.
I yawn, standing up from the chair before making my way over to the bed. I slide beneath the covers again and set my alarm for the morning. For what feels like the hundredth night in a row I cry myself to sleep.
I'm downstairs for breakfast before Ivanna even has the chance to come wake me up, fully dressed in my uniform with my backpack on my back.
When I walk in Ivanna smiles over at me. "Good morning, honey. You're up rather early."
I walk over to the counter and sit down.
"What would you like to eat?"
"Can I just have some water please?"
"Of course, but you need something to eat too. How about scrambled eggs and toast?"
"No thank you." I whisper, "I'm not really hungry."
"You can have some fruit, then." She tells me, and I don't insist on having nothing because a few pieces of fruit is probably the best deal I'm going to get. She goes over to the large fruit bowl on the counter and gets a banana, then passes it to me. I thank her quietly as she pours me a glass of water. "Do you have any clubs after school?"
I shake my head.
"Will you come sit down here for dinner today?" She asks me.
I shrug, taking a small sip of the water. "I like to eat in the bedroom." I whisper.
"That's okay." She assures me. "Is there anything you think you would like in particular?"
"Are there any chicken fingers?" I ask quietly.
She smirks. "I think so. I'll make you some for when you get back from school."
"Okay. Thanks." I whisper.
I finish my small breakfast of fruit and water just in time for Demian to come in, his hair ruffled from sleep and with his tie undone. He glances at me dismissively, then sits on the other side of the counter as far away from me as he can get.
"Good morning Demian." Ivanna says.
"Morning," he murmurs tiredly.
She makes him a breakfast, and once he eats it Ivanna informs us her son will be here to collect both of us soon. Dread fills me at her proclamation and I frown, looking down at the counter. I don't want to go to school with Demian. I don't even want to be around him. The words he yelled so confidently fill my mind, adding to my swirl of utter confusion.
She's not even my real sister!
At first I had been so upset by his words, but now all I feel when I replay them to myself is relief. I don't want to be his sister. I don't want to be a sister to any of these people. At least Demian isn't trying to fake being nice to me like Ivan and Aleksander and is instead just saying and expressing what he truly feels for me: hatred.
"Why don't you both get going? Danylo is waiting outside." Ivanna suggests once Demian is finished. I waste no time before standing up and leaving the kitchen, rushing to the front door. I pull it open and then go down the marble steps to Danylo's familiar, long, sleek black car. I open the door and get in hastily, sitting on the closest seat so I'm able to dart from the vehicle when we get to school too.
A few moments pass before Demian gets in too. He sits across from me, immediately going onto his phone, and then the car begins moving.
We're halfway there when Demian looks over at me. "I'm sure I don't have to remind you to stay away from your little friend?"
I don't respond, glancing away.
"Did you hear me?" He asks.
"Yes." I respond. "And I will talk to whoever I want."
His eyes narrow. "You know, you're a lot more trouble than you're worth for someone who-"
"Who isn't your real sister?" I fill in. "Yeah, I know. Petro told me everything." I lie, hoping to get more details from him.
"Good," he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Maybe you should go and find your real dad, so you can fuck off out of everyone's hair."
"Maybe I will." I state.
"Good." He repeats, leaning back again.
Real dad.
Real dad.
Real dad.
I have a father? Does that mean there's a possibility I can stay with him instead of my brothers? Is he nice? Does he know I exist? Does he want to find me? Is he going to be my saving Grace from this world of toxicity and pain?
Eventually Danylo stops in front of the school. I thank him swiftly and get out of the car, walking hurriedly up to my form class. I sit down at the back of the class, and it's only when I've put my bag down and taken my blazer off that sadness washes over me again because today was the first day my grandfather hasn't been here to send me off to school. It has been over a week since he died and I still feel empty; hopeless; heartbroken. I just want him to come back and whisk me away from everybody here. But maybe if I do have a father and I can locate him then I won't have to be around Demian or Petro or any of them ever again. Maybe I will finally be able to be happy again.
"Anastasiya."
I snap my head up when I hear my name. Ian stands there, holding onto a strap of his backpack with one hand as he looks down at me.
"Where have you been?" He asks. "You've been off school for the last week."
I don't respond, just look back down at the desk.
He sits down next to me and I furrow my eyebrows, shuffling my chair away from him.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Go away."
He frowns. "Then why were you off for a whole week?"
"It's none of your business." I say quietly. "And you don't sit here."
"I do now." He says. "The teacher moved me last Thursday because I kept throwing stuff at Charlie."
I sigh.
"Don't sound too happy about it." He says sarcastically.
"I'm not happy about it at all."
"I was joking." He says.
I don't respond. A few moments pass before he asks, "are you sure you're okay? You look really sad."
I nod.
"That's good." He says. I glance over at him. "That you're okay, I mean."
"Thanks." I murmur.
The bell rings then, signalling the point where everyone is meant to be in their form classes. Ian doesn't talk to me again for the rest of form, just goes on his phone, and I stare out of the window until it's time to go to first lesson.
I stay by myself at break time and don't have any classes with Aaminah, Emma and Zoey until after lunch. However for the lunch break I get my food and scour the lunch hall for them, hoping they haven't discarded me for being off school for so long. Eventually I spot Emma and Zoey at the lunch table they're normally at and walk over tentatively. When I'm a few steps away them both smile at me-which is unexpected for Zoey.
"Hey, Anastasiya. Where have you been? You didn't respond to any messages on the group." Emma says. I sit down across from them both.
"Sorry." I whisper. "There's just.. a lot that's been happening."
"Oh, well we hope that you're okay." Zoey says, smiling at me again. A pool of unease begins to spread through my stomach.
"Thanks. Where is Aaminah?"
"She's sick." Emma says. "She had to leave Zoey's house yesterday because she wasn't well."
"Yeah. We extended the sleepover until tonight. Our parents let us," Zoey begins, "but we had everything planned for three people, so why don't you come instead?"
My eyes widen. "You want me to come to your sleepover?" I ask.
Zoey nods. "I know it's short notice, but if you're allowed to come then you can."
"I can ask." I say eagerly, unable to hide my newfound excitement. Immediately I pull my phone out, but when I realise I don't know who to message my glee dims a little bit. My eyes scan the screen until they land on Ivan's contact.
Exhaling a small breath through my nose, I click on his name and send him a message.
ME: Can I go to a sleepover tonight please?
His reply comes within a few moments.
IVAN: With who?
ME: Emma and Zoey.
IVAN: Who are they?
ME: My friends.
ME: Please?
IVAN: I'm not sure that's the best idea.
IVAN: Why don't you have a sleepover with them another time?
ME: But they're having one tonight.
IVAN: Just tell them you can't go.
ME: Why?
IVAN: Because I think that for now you just need to be at home with us.
ME: Why?
IVAN: That's just the way it has to be. I'm sorry.
I frown and click off his contact, going onto Maxim's instead.
ME: Hi Maxim.
MAXIM: Hey Annie. You okay?
ME: Yes. My friends are having a sleepover tonight but Ivan says I'm not allowed to go.
MAXIM: Why?
ME: [shrugging emoji]
MAXIM: I'll go talk to him.
I smile.
ME: Thank you.
MAXIM: It's okay. How is school going?
ME: Fine.
MAXIM: Good. I'll see you when you get home.
ME: See you.
I look up from my phone. Zoey meets my gaze. "So? Are you allowed to come?"
"I might be able to." I say.
"Okay. Just let me know so I can tell my mum."
I smile, "okay."
For the rest of lunch they tell me about the plans for tonight-which include face masks, matching pyjamas and movie marathons. When the bell rings to signal the end of lunch I'm shaking with anticipation, excitement and hope that I'll be allowed to go.
I'm not in a lesson with either of them, so we separate and go to our different classes. When I'm sat down I check my phone, finding two messages from Maxim waiting and three from Ivan.
MAXIM: I talked to Ivan.
MAXIM: And Petro. I think you'll be allowed to go.
I grin.
ME: Thank you!!!
I click on Ivan's next.
IVAN: Fine, you can go.
IVAN: But I'd like her parent's numbers.
IVAN: And you're coming home first, and one of us will take you later.
ME: Thank you.
ME: I'll ask for her mums number.
I message Zoey, who responds with her mother's number and a message telling me she's happy I'm able to come. I relay the information back to Ivan, then turn my phone off since the teacher is about to start the lesson.
For the rest of the day I feel like I'm on cloud nine. I rush to the car after school, wanting to get home as quickly as possible so that I can go to Zoey's house to have a sleepover with her and Emma. Demian gets into the car too, but thankfully doesn't talk to me on the drive back to the house. I thank Danylo swiftly before rushing out. I go into the house, then rush upstairs immediately to pack a bag to bring with me.
I'm doing just that when the half open door swings further inwards. Ivan stands there. He smiles at me. "Hey, when do you want to go?"
"I'm almost done packing." I respond.
"And these girls are your friends?" He asks, sitting down on the bed next to the bag I'm folding my uniform into.
"Yes," I respond.
He nods a little bit. "Okay. And her mum is gonna bring you to school?"
I nod.
He blows out a breath. "Okay. Ivanna was gonna make you something but when I told her you're going to your friend's house she stopped. Do you still want something to eat now?"
"No, it's okay." I respond. "Zoey said we can make milkshakes and cookies."
"You still need some proper food." He tells me.
"We're having pizza too." I add quietly.
"Good." He responds. He watches as I zip the bag up. "You ready to go?"
I nod.
"Alright. I'll take you."
He lifts my bag up before I get the chance to and leads me out of the room, then downstairs. We're going to the front door when Maxim comes out of the kitchen, followed promptly by Aleksander.
"Hey, Annie." Maxim grins, walking over to me. He wraps me up in a hug, mindful not to touch my sore, aching back. "Have the best time at your sleepover."
I smile up at him. Aleksander wraps me in a side hug. "If you wanna come home, just message one of us."
"She's not going to want to come home, because she's gonna have a good time with her friends." Maxim says. He leans down to kiss my forehead. "Bye, Annie."
"Bye."
Ivan leads me out of the house and I admit that I am partially relieved to not have to spend tonight there. If I can't stay at my grandfathers house I suppose Zoey's house is a better option. And my only other option.
I'm not sure where her sudden likeness to me has come from but I'm not going to complain about it. This is my first ever sleepover and it's going to be perfect, I can just feel it.