CHAPTER 55 — AFTER SCHOOL
[ZACH]
Although Danesh has told me (promised me, to be more specific) that he'll wait for me after school, I am still suspicious and isn't really expecting him to hold his end. However, he does, and my heart does little flips upon seeing him, cheeks growing warmer, and maybe my smile grows just a little bit.
I don't even bother bidding goodbye to any of my friends and gravitate towards where Danesh is standing. There is no mistaking the relief that washes over his features once he spots me, however it is possible that I may have misread the cause behind it.
"Quick before Val comes," is all he says before he gets in his car.
It seems like he is only relieved to be able to get away from his sister. But then again, the reason he can get away from her is because I came out earlier so in a way, he is relieved because of me too. I would take that.
"So," I state once we are on the road.
He raises his eyebrows in askance, although I am quite sure he knows what I am expecting. He said that we can talk after school, voluntarily. It is his idea in fact, and for a moment I had thought that I was imagining. But I am not.
Danesh has certainly changed. A lot. And in a very positive way. It is very obvious and I, for one, am very glad and proud.
However, sometimes, it is still hard to believe that he has changed and I very so often get surprised whenever he does something that the old him would never do.
"You know what," I tell him pointedly.
He sighs and then says, "Let's drive somewhere first,"
Somewhere turns out to be Lost House. It has been quite a while since we last came here — the last time I was here, I was looking for him and he wasn't here. I still don't know where he was that day. Actually, now that I think about it, the past few days, he has been completely evasive. And just... absent.
I look up at him with this newfound realisation and can't help but feel worried. What could have been so bad that he felt the need to leave and stay away? If I hadn't been as persistent as I was in the past and just left him alone, would he have left altogether?
I can't even imagine that. It is at that moment I realised how much I like — no, how much I love him.
"I'm sure you have a lot of questions," he says, sitting on the porch steps.
I sit beside him, crossing my arms on top of my knees, and nod slightly. I actually have way too much questions to ask, but right then, I just don't know. I am really glad that he is there with me and that somehow, he has finally decided that I am someone he can talk to. I really, really don't want to screw anything up.
"So, what do you want to know?"
I can only give him a blank look in return, a monotonous, "Uhh,"
That prompts a small twitch in his lips, he covers his mouth with the back of his hand, sniffling. "I thought you'd have a barrel of questions to ask me,"
"I do," I announce, "I do. But... I don't know," I exhale, shaking my head, "What do you want to tell me?"
He does a sound at the back of his throat that sounds somewhere between a cough and a laugh — it's better to think it is the latter. However quickly after, a grave expression takes over his features, and he looks away, picking at his fingernails.
"There are some things, well one particular thing that I haven't quite dealt with yet," he starts to speak, "It's... Like I told you the other day, I'm just really, really screwed up. And I don't want to subject you to any of my shit. You don't deserve that, you...," he lets out a bitter chuckle, turning to face me once again, "You can do so, so much better. I like you, it's true and that is why I'm telling you this: I'm no good for you. I–"
"Haven't we gone through this already, Dani?" I interrupt before he can say any more, "Whatever it is, I don't care. I want to be here for you — you just have to let me, that's all. And newsflash, no one's perfect, Danesh. Everyone's got their own shit to deal with — I do too. So, whatever it is that you have to deal with, it's fine,"
"You don't know what it is,"
"I don't care — well unless you've killed someone, then..." I grimace, clicking my tongue — just a stupid joke, to lighten the strain filling the air.
It works, he laughed a little, and then taking a deep breath, he says, "I'm tired, Zach," he hunches forward, propping his arms on his knees, "I'm so tired of... hiding away, pretending, lying. I keep thinking that I can just forget all about it, put it all behind me and move on, but..." he shakes his head, "I'm just tired,"
I have absolutely no clue what he is talking about, but still, I remain quiet, not sure if he would appreciate me inquiring anything further. I look at his hunched over figure and... what should I do? I am not really the greatest when it comes to comforting others and Danesh isn't exactly the greatest either when it came to accepting comfort.
I awkwardly raise an arm to put around him but thankfully before I can do so he sits up and I quickly I retract my arm back to my side. He presses the palm of his heels to his eyes and takes a deep breath.
"I'm sorry,"
"It's okay," I nod, trying to sound at least reassuring.
"That made absolutely no sense, didn't it?"
Another blank stare.
He comes to a conclusion himself fortunately, "Of course it didn't," he nods to himself, "I didn't even say much of anything,"
There is really nothing much I can do except continue staring at him blankly and so that's what I do. For someone who likes to talk and can never run out of things to talk about, I definitely am not doing a good job then.
"It's something I need to figure out on my own first, before I can tell you, if you don't mind,"
"I understand," I nod — it is a big thing he is telling this much in the first place.
"And yes, by the way," he says out of the blue, scratching the back of his neck.
"What?"
"Yes," he repeats himself, and then lifting his shoulders, he looks away for a bit, "Um, to the date — yes,"
"Yes?"
"Are you deaf?" he deadpans, his prominent scowl making its prompt return.
I let out a soft chuckle, unable to belief that he just agreed to the date, "No, I–"
"Just one date," he is quick to add.
I look at him confused, "Just one?"
He nods.
"And then, after the date?"
"Then we'll see — but for now, just one date,"
Deciding that is more than I could've bargained for myself, I agree, "Okay,"
"And no one can know," another condition, "Yet,"
"No problem," I already was kind of expecting that.
"You don't mind?"
"Not at all," I give him a reassuring smile, and honestly, I don't — all that matters is I get to spend some time with him. Alone.
His lips twitch lightly, and he quickly turns away, burying his face at the crook of his arm. It is too late though, I can already tell he is smiling, although I don't state it out loud.
And then clearing his throat, he turns back to me, "So I was thinking we can go–,"
"Uh-huh," I shake my head, cutting him off, "I'm the one who asked you out, so I'm the one who gets to decide when and where," I exclaim smugly, "Don't worry, no one will know," I supply when I see the hesitance in him.
The doubtful cloud behind in his eyes seem to have cleared away a little and then slowly he nods his head, "O-kay,"
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