Chapter 24
But I'm only human,
And I bleed when I fall down,
I'm only human,
And I crash and I break down,
Your words in my head, knives in my heart,
You build me up and then I fall apart,
'Cause I'm only human.
I bothered me a lot that Carolin and Marco were getting close again. I knew Marco never planned any of this, so I couldn't take it out on him. It wasn't like I got angry, I just got insecure. There were this connection between them, it could be nothing more than a friendship, but they had spent so much of their lives together, that doesn't just go away in a blink of an eye. Marco had several times told me, I shouldn't worry, but that was easier said than done.
I bit my lip, unable to even focus at the words in my book. I sighted, closing it, before leaning back in the chair. I rubbed the side of my head, closing my eyes.
It annoyed me, it bothered me this much. Why couldn't I just be careless? I wondered if I should talk to Marco about it, but I didn't want to. Things would probably just get as out of hand, as it did last time. I made up things in my mind though. I mean, all those phone calls I wasn't allowed to hear? Or when he hung up, as soon as I came home? Could they have something to do with her?
I knew in my heart that couldn't possibly be it, but every inch of my body was screaming otherwise. You're making it up, Mila. Like Erik said, stop worrying. There's nothing to worry about. As my thoughts flashed by Erik, I searched for my phone. Erik was injured too, on his way back though, so I knew, he would pick up the phone. I pressed the green bottom, sticking the phone to my ear.
"Hi Mils" he said, happily.
Probably because they were winning the match, which he was probably watching at home.
"Hi"
"What's up?"
"I don't know, studying for my exams, needed a break" I said, biting the inside of my cheek.
This was a desperate tempt to stop thinking about it – something Erik was usually good at - making me stop worrying.
"Ugh, horrible. I still remember my mental breakdown in 9th grade" he said, making me laugh.
"Yes! You were such a mess" I laughed, shaking my head.
"I know and it wasn't even like a real exam-"
"You definitely weren't born to do that"
"You don't say" he laughed.
I could hear he licked his lips, it automatically made me lick mine.
"What are you up to?" I asked.
"Just watching the game. Thought you would be at the stadium with Marco, though"
"Nah, I'm too stressed"
"But you saw-"
"Yes! I... I'm trying to-"
"Stop thinking about it?" he finished, making me smile.
It was actually kind of scary, how he could just read my mind like that, twice as scary, because I was able to read his also.
We talked back and forth for an hour or so, about everything and nothing. It was always so easy with Erik, which honestly really made me appreciate our friendship.
"I kinda have to go now" Erik said, which made me nod.
I fast realized he couldn't see it.
"Yeah, the books are calling me" I said, which made Erik giggle.
"Don't laugh" I said, rolling my eyes.
"See you, Mils"
"See you, Durm" I smiled, hanging up the phone.
I let my eyes glance over the TV, but the game had ended, which meant Marco would be home soon. I licked my lips, leaning back in the chair, rubbing the side of my head.
Why was love so freaking hard? It's not at all, like they describe it in the fairy tales. People put too much pressure of on love, put this illusion in our heads that it's perfect.
I sighted, taking a deep breath. No, I wasn't going to bring it up. It wasn't Marco's fault and if he thought it was right to tell me, he would do that. I shouldn't worry, right? I had no reason too.
**
I was sitting in the couch, when I heard the door unlock. I didn't move, as I heard Marco step in, taking of his shoes.
"Hi baby" I said, raising my voice, so he was able to hear me.
"Hey sweetheart" Marco said.
Marco walked in, flashing me a smile. He walked up to me, before placing a couple short kisses on my lips. His lips were cold, which made me shiver a little. Marco sat down next to me, so I crawled up to him. It made him lay his arms around me, hugging me tight.
"Good game?"
"Yeah, great performance" Marco said, the smile on his lips wasn't possible to remove.
So was that because of the game? Or... the company he'd had? Stop it, Mila. Just stop. I bit my lip, letting the back of my head rest on Marco's chest.
"You watched?" He asked, meeting my eyes.
I nodded a little, sending him a smile.
"A little, it just ran in the background" I smiled, removing my eyes.
"Look, Mila" Marco started, making me sit up.
"I need to tell you something" Marco said, locking his glance at mine.
"Okay" I whispered, feeling my heart race.
Marco took my hand, stroking t softly.
"Carolin was at the match today..." he started, looking up at me.
"Oh, really?" I asked.
He didn't need to know, I hadn't been able to think about anything else but that.
"Cathy invited her and yeah-" he said, shrugging.
"Okay, well... I'm glad you told me" I said, sending him a smile.
Marco kissed my cheek, before flashing another smile.
"Thanks for taking this so cool" Marco smiled.
He was obviously expecting me to freak out, which I almost did, so I guess, I took him by surprise.
"I just... If you tell me, it bothers me less" I smiled, licking my lips.
That was true, though. It made it worse when he hit it from me, when I didn't know about it. All the things that are secret, is almost always bad.
"I love you, Mila Montez" Marco smiled, before pulling me into a kiss.
His sweetness stuck on my lips, as we pulled apart.
"And I love you, Marco Reus. Forever" I said, before pulling him into another kiss.
THREE WEEKS AFTER
I blew out my air in another balloon, but it flew out of my mouth and out in the room. It made Erik break down in laughter, as he looked at me.
"You suck at this" he claimed, making me shake my head.
"You bought crappy balloons"
"Don't blame the balloons just because you're an idiot"
"You did not just say that!" I said, fighting my laughter.
Erik rolled his eyes at me, continuing to blow in his balloon. In a quick move, I punched his balloon out of his mouth, which made it fly up in his face. It made me laugh, falling down the chair.
"You didn't!" Erik said, bending down over me.
"I did" I said, but my laughter took over.
"You should have seen your face" I said, feeling the pain in my stomach and cheeks grow.
Erik rolled his eyes at me, before flashing a huge smile. He laid down in the floor next to me, as our eyes met.
"Have I ever told you, how crazy you are?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"You might have mentioned that" I said, making him laugh.
I liked his laughter, it was cute, like a little boy's laughter.
"I can't believe how old you're getting" I said, letting my head rest on his shoulder.
"I know, I might go grey-haired soon" he said, I nodded agreement.
"My grey-haired, best friend and birthday boy"
"Yes I am" he said, sending me a smile.
I smiled back, licking my lips.
"Thanks for helping me out today"
"No worries"
"I think, I would have panicked, if I'd had to do it myself"
"I know, you're terrible at planning things" I laughed, but Erik agreed in a nod.
"So who's coming?"
"Well, the guys from the team, their girlfriends, some of my friends"
"Cool, that means you get a lot of birthday presents"
"And again, thank you so much for mine" Erik smiled, holding up his hand.
Erik looked at the watch I'd bought him, letting his fingertip slide over it.
"You like it?"
"I love it, thank you" Erik said, before placing a short kiss in my cheek.
"I'm glad" I smiled back.
I knew Marco had bought something too from the both of us, but I wanted to give Erik something, just from me.
"I better get home and get changed" I said, before getting up.
I stuck my hand out to Erik and pulled him up. I pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek.
"Again, happy birthday! – and I'll see you in a little while" I smiled, and Erik nodded.
He followed me out to the door, as I made my way back home.
**
"You have the present?" Marco asked, placing a kiss on my cheeks.
I picked it up, smiling at him.
"Yeah"
"Lets go then" Marco said and we got out of the car.
Marco took his hand in mine, as we walked up to Erik's place. We could hear the loud music from out here, which made us look at each other, then we both giggled a little. I rang the doorbell, as Marco placed a kiss on my lips. Shortly after, Erik opened the door.
"Mils! Marco!" he said, happily.
It made both Marco and I smile, as he pulled me into a hug and greeted Marco.
"Come in" he said and we followed.
Marco and I, must have been some of the last once here, because Erik's place was filled.
"Mila, I need to tell you something-" Erik whispered in my ear, but we were cut off, when Cathy spoke.
"Hi Mila" she said, raising an eyebrow.
At first, it took me by surprise, but then my eyes glanced at Carolin next to her. It made my gut ache, first looking at her, then at Marco. Marco's face was stiff, he was just as surprised as me.
"I did not invite her, Cathy brought her and I-" Erik whispered, making my body shiver even more.
I turned around, meeting his eyes. I put on a fake smile, licking my lips.
"No worries, it's your birthday, they can't ruin that" I smiled, taking a deep breath to calm myself down.
Pure lie, I knew that, Erik knew that.
"Babe, why don't we get something to drink?" Marco smiled and I nodded.
"I'm sorry" he whispered, but I just shook my head at him.
"It's not your fault" I smiled, biting my lip.
"I'm just gonna...." I started and Marco nodded.
**
I felt the alcohol getting its grip around me, so I knew, I had to cut back on it for now. I hadn't seen Marco for a while, so I started walking around. I walked into the dark living room, searching for Marco, but I wished I hadn't found him. Carolin and Marco was standing in the corner, just behind the music. Their eyes were locked on each other and a little crocked smile crossed Marco's lips. It was what worried me the most - that smile - he only sends me that smile, whenever he wants to kiss me. Whenever he only saw me and no one else.
I knew, what was going to happen in the matter of seconds - even before it did - but that didn't make it hurt any less. Carolin softly bit her lip, before leaning towards Marco. He quickly licked his lips, like he always do, before their lips met.
In that moment, I'm sure someone ripped out my heart and sat it on fire. I lost all feeling in my body, unable to move, so I just had to stand here and watch them kiss – And I don't think I've ever felt something that painful - in my whole life. It almost hurt too much for me to feel it, like the pain made me numb. All the kisses Marco and I had shared, flashed in my mind, which just made me even more sick.
Finally, they pulled apart, but kept their eyes on each other, as a smile spread on both their lips. Marco smiled at me like that, only me. Why he is smiling at Carolin? It made me sick, I could feel how it turned everything in my stomach around. A part of me wanted to just walk up there and slam Carolin in her face, blame her for everything, but I knew I couldn't. Marco didn't pull back from the kiss, he didn't stop, I actually think he enjoyed it. Once again, my stomach turned, making me half run towards the bathroom, before locking the door.
I threw up a couple of times, before the tears in my eyes started running. I don't know, if it was the alcohol, or the pain, but I felt like crap. I let myself slide down beside the toilet, just letting the tears float. My breathing was heavy, but strained. I didn't see it, right? It's all in my mind. Even though I tried my hardest to convince myself, I knew it wasn't working. Marco kissed Carolin, she kissed him, it doesn't matter, he didn't stop it, he did nothing.
I couldn't figure out if I felt pure anger or heartbroken. It was like a blurred line. I went from wanting to kill him, to beg him to stay with me. I took a couple of deep breaths, before I got up and washed my face. I walked out to the kitchen, where I fast found five shots and poured them down my throat, it burned loads, but I didn't care. If Marco wanted to run around and kiss somebody else, well, fine. It wouldn't ruin my night. I knew perfectly well, it was the alcohol talking, had I been sober, I would have broken crying down. In the matter of seconds, the alcohol hit and slammed into my blood and everything disappeared; the pain, the sadness, the anger. It hit hard and before I knew it, I had no control over my body.