"Holy moly, who knew that only an apron would unlock your true sexiness, Kags?"
Rei watched as Kageyama froze, the potential meaning of what she just said striking them both.
Kinky.
Okay Rei, keep it cool. Keep it cool, like your fashion sense. Pfft, who am I kidding? But... Really, why did I have to say that? I should remember by now that my witty and sarcastic comments always fail and leave me in awkward situations. Curse my verbal diarrhoea. Ah, dammit Rei, you failure of a human being.
Kageyama turned, his dark hair seemingly flowing in the non-existent wind, anime-style slow-motion. Many thoughts ran through his head as blood rose to his cheeks, butt cheeks unintentionally tensing and his eyes widening, however this was all replaced with confusion as his gaze landed on Rei.
A loud snore rattled throughout the room. Eh? Kageyama could have sworn that she had sounded very much awake when she said that, so the tightly scrunched eyes and oddly loud snoring didn't make much sense to him. Though, Kageyama knew by now that his brain could not be trusted under non-volleyball circumstances, so quickly dismissed his doubts as he left the room like a jumpy rabbit.
•••
Act natural. That was the solution that had gone through Rei's mind, and she ended up doing what she thought was a rather magnificent impression of a sleeping person. Well, thank goodness he's a first-class idiot. She took a deep breath, and blasted out yet another snore that shook the very foundations of the earth.
Grandpa would be proud of that one. Rei's grandad, the British one (for lack of a living one in Japan) a.k.a. Grandpa, Grandpapaaaaa, Grandpapi or Old Bloke (an affectionate term which she insisted brought out his inner manly power whenever he complained) was notorious amongst their family for his extraordinary ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat.
Once upon a time, Rei had been having a conversation with him, possibly about the origins of tea and him potentially prattling on about how we 'most definitely did not get it from India, the very notion is truly preposterous!', when Rei had noticed that he had actually fallen asleep in the middle of his sentence and continued it amongst his dying car snores. The loud snoring seemed to run through the family, as she had once snored so loudly that she had abruptly woken herself up with no clue as to why she had suddenly done so. She moved her hand over her heart under the duvet; 'twas a trait well inherited, she thought.
Speaking of duvets, and upon further inspection through a slit between her two eyelids, she realised that this one wasn't hers. Neither was the room, nor was Kageyama. She prised open her eyes with her hands, because her eyelids seemed to have fallen in love again and did not want to be separated, then took a good look around the room.
Damn, Kags, back at it again with the- No. That's not funny anymore, Rei. But daaaayum. Fancy room. Worthy of me, teehee. She then proceeded to mentally hit herself with a brick.
Little did Rei know, Kageyama's mum had put all of the somewhat valuable items in their house into that room with the hope of either impressing or intimidating guests with their apparent wealth (a mixture of the two was preferable). If the Kageyamamama was asked about this being a tactic, then 'That's nonsense, it's home-pride, home-pride.'
Rei's stomach then decided to promptly make whale noises that would put Dory to shame, so she pulled a green tea KitKat out of a tiny pocket in her running leggings that was probably meant for a 2009 MP-3 player, but who cares about the details? Not Rei. What a rebel. Within the darkest spaces of her head, her inner sass clicked its fingers in a Z-formation.
She really didn't want to have to risk summoning Kageyama with noise after her 'witty and sarcastic' apron comment, so she attempted to open the packet as silently as possible. Hey, she thought, this is kind of like opening a pad-wrapper in a public toilet!
She stuffed it in her mouth. The pure niceness of the taste (at least, in her opinion, as she seemed to be the only person she knew who found them even remotely agreeable) gave her a very, very satisfied feeling, and made her stomach make a noise like a mewling cat with a lung dysfunction from the pleasure, but Rei's short-lived happiness suddenly came to an unfortunate end as her nose began to mercilessly tickle. There could only be one reason for that - pollen. She glared despairingly at an elegant vase of vibrant flowers in the corner as her face scrunched up and a chain of properly loud sneezes began. Well, no stopping it now. Embrace it and try not to make the sneeze sound like a fart, like it always seems to do in public places.
She a nature-program style commentary started in her head, Bear Grylls-style, through the apocalyptic sneeze attack.
The Lesser Spotted Rei seems to have encountered a problem. This once magnificent creature is forced into doing crunches as it sneezes, and they won't be stopping soon. It knows that this could be the end of its short life, and it seems to have resigned to its fate as it senses the oncoming pair of Greater Striped Kageyama. It feebly makes its last attempt at camouflage in its final hour, crunching its way under the covers and trying to stifle the blasts that it sadly has no control over as the Kageyama emerge through the door. The Alpha Kageyama seems unable to contain the thrill of the hunt as a sound similar to a wet fart makes its way to his perked-up ears. The Alpha walks over to the quivering form under a protective layer, peeling it back as his glistening orbs widen. "You're my mate," he says, growling dangerously, "I must protect you from all danger, never leave my side agai-
When did that turn into a werewolf fiction? The Lesser Spotted Rei has no idea, and the Kageyama watch on as it proceeds to hit its own forehead, with one of the predators seeming uneasy, but the other looks to be straining at the leash, or perhaps chomping at the bit, but it's unclear to see from our stakeout's telescope.
"Lesser Spotted Rei, darling!" The Kageyama begin their attack, starting with the fundamental laws of attraction and persuasion, beginning to form a deadly circle from which the Rei cannot escape. "The fruit of my womb has told me all about you!" It lies, trapping the Rei in.
The Rei is rendered speechless by some unknown power, though from our information we can speculate that perhaps it is the most dangerous one of them all, Awkwardness. The apparent lead Kageyama applies more pressure, it will not give up the hunt until it has the information it wants, and the Rei begins to crack as confusion takes hold of its mind and clouds its judgement. The Rei is panicking, it doesn't know what to do as the interrogation reaches its climax.
It manages to choke out two words before collapsing into a hunger and stress induced hibernation. They leave the lead Kageyama fresh meat, and a new challenge to overcome.
"Kageyama... Kink..."
~~~~~~~~
Okay, even I don't know what that was.
Well, I'm back! *pretends that the rotten tomatoes being thrown at self are roses* I was going to update two whole weeks ago (clearly so much better), but I went off on a holiday where I had nO wIFi, and I just got back. So, yeah. But I would just like to say,
OH YEAH BABY
'Cause this crud story just hit 30k views, and my overly grammaticised pea-brain is struggling to process this in its shrivelled, post-exam mode. But daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum. Dayum. I couldn't ask for more, thank you so much for putting up with my sluggish updates (not gonna make any more excuses now), and I know I don't often reply to comments, but some of them quite literally make my day and I do try to read them all because I love it so much, you guys make me laugh XD. And one more thing, I'm just gonna be annoying for a sec - so you know that little star button that you click if you like something? Hmm, you see it? Do you have one? Because I want to press all your buttons ;)
i'M sOrRy. My Perv Points are increasing and my Pickup Points are decreasing. Author-san (call me Lauren if you want, that would make it more personal, and you know, it would be cool and friendly and all that jazz) happens to like puns and pickup lines, so hit me with your best, go! (Don't leave me hanging, I already look like a fool)
My favourite pick up lines currently:
On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
You remind me of my pinkie toe! Small, cute, and I'll probably bang you on a table this evening.
There's a poké stop in my room.
Favourite puns:
Hey, did you know that they're making Star Wars haribos? It's a bit disappointing though, they're all Chewy.
"Obesity runs in my family!" "Nobody runs in your family." (I would never actually say that to anyone though, that'd just be plain nasty, I just find it quite funny)
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.