this is real long but i s2g it was so funny to write
Luke:
Are you a sexy glazed donut?
are you calling me round?
but yes i am very much sexy
How are you ?
i'm good, how are you? (:
Can I please lick your face? (I will pay you however much you want too) X stay sexy love ya
oh so i get called a donut and now people wanna lick me?— oh wait any amount?
a thousand first thing Monday and make sure you brush your teeth
Luke, you are a pretty breadstick! Don't ever let anyone tell you different
i don't understand the question.
nabs(author): well actually its really funny—
luke: excuse you, this is my time to shine, not yours.
nabs(me): ....
Is there anything Ashton can do to make you leave him?
chew loudly/grossly or breathe really heavy so i can hear it
play jacob sa-- im not even gonna try-- all day
make really bad puns or jokes
or diss any of my kweens (or kings i guess) ranging from marina lambrini diamandis to lyndsey gunnulsfen.
oh wow that's a lot... poor ash, lucky thing i don't give a shit about his well being (kiddiNG ILH)
hiii you're really pretty
hai and aw stawp... no keep going (jk, tysm)
thANKS FOR YOUR QUESTIONS GUYS I LOVE ALL OF Y—
me: we need to move on--
im in a middle of a speech stfu. as i was saying before being rudely interrupted.. i loVE YOU ALL AND KEEP SLAYING BITCHES
Ashton:
Is Luke your sexy glazed donut?
is this a vagina joke bc ew
but ima go with yes
Hiii how are yah ?
hungry, all this donut talk is making me want donuts
What are your views on Donald Trump?
Omg! I love Donald Duck!
nabs: they said donald trump actually...
okay smart ass... and will you quit coming in peoples interviews?
nabs: i am paying you to be here hush
fine, but to answer the question...
fuckingstupidassdickfacecuntbitchdickasshatdumbshitfuckercunt–who needs to come cliff climbing with me...
so i can push him off
i mean, what uh– who said that
Also can you please spit on me or something? I will pay you fyi. Love ya!
nabs, is this a serious offer?... but i love you too!
nabs: oh now you want my help
Do you know any jokes?
ooh i got one!
i don't like tea... tea's for mugs!
*awkward silence*
luke: ashton your dumped
hii daddy!!
hey ba-- wait you're not luke
Calum:
Do you love your little kitty Mi-Mi?
i don't have a cat...
You are SENPAI +
Can we please get married and have tiny kiwi babies? Stay sexy and I'll see you on our wedding day ❤️❤️❤️
what's a senpai? sounds delicious
also sorry love, I'm dating Michael a— Oh! the last person meant that kitten!
you love mikey right?
that's like asking if we breath oxygen
Michael:
You love Calum. Okay? Okay.
Yes i very much do ♡
How are things with you and calum. And ily
things are great, i couldn't ask for anyone better (: well maybe someone who could cook...(kidding ilh) oh and i love you too!
Views on Donald Trump??? 😂 also I would pay you to punch me in da boob so um...yeah? BYEZZZZZ 👌👌👌
He is a nasty man guy thing whatever the fudge he is.
+ ew boobs... I'd rather not touch one, thanks, plus I don't wanna hurt you!
Are you happy
yep! all smiles for me (:
nabs: i think they meant like with the rel– okay im leaving im leaving
where'd you buy the kitten ears (;
ebay... yeah i cheaped out on that one buT THEY WERE REALLY CUTE
Ben:
Stay in your lane and away from like please and thank you
d'you mean luke? + was this a question or demand? :/
I forgot who you are but just don't fûck with any of the boys or the 5sos fam will tear your dïck off and feed it to our middle aged stepfathers xx
i think what i love about all these 'questions' are that they're mostly threats... and the kisses are just a mockery, aren't they?
nabs: oh ben, poor benny boo
Tf think you doing putting cRYSTAL METH IN ASHTON'S DRINK YOU ASSHAT
look im sorry! i just needed to get rid of it...or I'd be in a lot of shit, they could've even hurt my family! but its over now and we're all friends now, there's no hard feelings
Back the fuck off
I wasn't coming on to anything! i swear ):
miss amàle:
Idk who you are
eh it don't matter! as long as you ship Larry! you ship Larry, right?
Views on Donald trump and are you currently having sexual intercourse??? 😂😂😂
views on that is what ashton said x 1000
and for the second part.. well no, not currently at this moment...
me: again, i don't think they meant it like that— you know what either im stupid or you guys are. i knew paying for this wasn't worth it
Do you like to abuse small animals on your spare time?
why would i do that? ): i love animals and nature and if anyone hurts an animal i will turn to my true form (satan) and send them all to hell.
Okay, you slay my life and cAN YOU BE MY TEACHER?!
wait people likE ME WHAT
and of course i can! school starts at ten cause y'all know im a lazy ass bitch who was probably stay up all night stalking one direction (that uan reference pfft *slaps knee*)
Keep slayin girl
you too, gurl *virtually high-fives you*
counsellor potato
why am i here?
nabs: mrs potato--
it's counsellor potato
me: right, counsellor potato, if you could please take a seat, that'd be a— wait where'd she go?
*randomly appears*
me: okay fuck you i just peed a littLE JUST ASK THE DAMN QUESTIONS
I love you. You are me. I am you.
I love food. Food is me. Potato is you-- wait I'm potato.... eh well it's still food so...
wait, if i say that... is it classed as cannibalism?
I love you. You are amazing.
I love you too! but im actually counsellor potato, whose amazing? sounds like a looser to me..
amazing: hey! ):
nabs: hold up, who eveN ARE YOU
Can we pls get married or something? I'll pay and give you my pet hedgehog if you say yes 👌👌👌
no
HAHAHA YOU SHOULDA SEEN YOUR FACE
nabs: um actually these are pre-written.. so they can't see you right now..
oh.. they can't?
nabs: no, sorry
ohhh thats why I wasn't getting any responses, i thought y'all were just a cynical crew
nabs: did you just say crew?
i didn't invite you on my ship so why you all up in my crew...
nabs: if you just attempted calum's sass you failed
let me just answer the question
i say yes! oh and we can b— wait pet hedgehog? thAT'S MY MOTHER
nabs: no, thats pat hedgehog— oh ffs she's gone again... if someone breaks into your house and steals your hedgehog... you'll know who.
You are my spirit animal
hoW MANY TIMES I AM A POTATO
but thanks anyway (:
nabs: you have problems
and you don't? you're literally talking to a character you made up so technically yourself
nabs: well that's one way to look at it
mr/mrs hemmings:
Thank you for creating our Lord and savour Jesus Christ
oh dear, read a bible, we didn't create him...
nabs: *face palm*
I just wanna thank you for being good in the bedroom
okay you know what gimme back that bible and some holy water, y'all are a sinful, unholy, dirty bunch
nabs: okay true lmao, but why'd you need the bible?
to whack them over the head with it, maybe the holiness will seep through and can cleanse their brain
lauren/harry:
Your brother is Jesus and many teenagers would eat his face if they got the chance x
this wasn't in the bible...
luke's aunt:
Haii how are you also ily
Hello dear, I'm good, how are you? but um.. whats a ily?
nabs: it means i love you...
oh! well i love you too
What was the last thing you ate?
dick
NO I MEAN KALE
im on a um.. a diet...
ashton's work colleagues:
If you fuck with Ashton I'll shove a baguette up your ass ❤️❤️❤️😘
is that some sort if kink?
probably
no bro, im sure thats what ashton called luke once
nabs: actually lads, that was breadstick
Be nice to Lashton you dipshits
what's a lashton
nabs: that's it, where's the nearest cliff
Luke's school friends:
Be nice to Luke or I'll hunt you down and make you listen to Pitbulls new album
but pitbulls hella rad!1!1!!
nabs: you know, I haven't listen to it, it can't be that bad— *listens to it* oH SHIT CLOROX WHERE YOU AT
ME! (nabs the annoying one that kept cutting in the interviews whoops)
I LOVE YOU! DO YOU LOVE ME? I LOVE YOU.
OF COURSE I DO, I LOVE YOU, NOT AS MUCH AS FOOD BUT I STILL DO (that whole thing rhymed we should become rappers)
I LOVE YOU
THIS BOOK IS AMAZING
ALSO I WANTED TO ASK HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR THIS STORY
well first oFF I LOVE YOU TOO (: tysm, you're amazing! and for the book, well I can't remember that well tbh but i was on FT to a friend (nabs has friends whaat) yeah and i was like "i wanna write a bdsm book" or "i wonder what it'd be like to be in a bdsm relationship" (something along the lines of bdsm talk) and as we'd discussed bdsm as a topic in a group we were like I'd be the one who breaks all the rules, so I was starting a bdsm book but then it got to the daddy or sir part i made a joke and was just like "how about fuck no" and we all laughed and stuff but it turned out to be in it and baM THE BOOK WAS BORN
update 2/10/16: THE FRIEND WAS MARY AND SHE WAS OFFENDED I DIDNT MENTION HER NAME SOOOO YEAH SEND HER LOVE
YOU THE REAL OG
IVE HEARD OF OG BUT I NEVER ACTUALLY KNEW WHAT IT MEANT SO I GOOGLED IT AND THANKS I GUESS LMAO I SOUND LIKE AN UNCOOL OLD MOM WHO DOESNT GET SLANG OMG
Aldo I'm sorry for all my weird question 😂😂😂👌
nah you're alright, ily (aldo, noice)
OKAY SO THIS IS REALLY LONG BUT THANKS FOR THE QUESTIONS I HOPE I MADE YOU LAUGH
ILY, BYE. XX