"There you go, there you go somewhere.
You're not coming back."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She knew it was coming, but so soon? So abruptly?
Bell leaned her head back against the stone-speckled dirt wall. Her face was streaked with tears. How had everything been so right, then gone downhill so swiftly?
Why now?
Things were good, so very good, and then they returned from Hogsmeade- and Dumbledore had a letter- and McGonagall looked sad, really sad, for the first time Bell had ever seen. Her heart had sunk immediately and her smile faded quickly as her Head of House beckoned her to follow them up to Dumbledore's office. Lily and Marlene wouldn't let her go without them. Each held one of her hands all the way up the stairs. The rest of their friends had insisted on coming too- but McGonagall had shooed them away, back to their dorm. Sirius had protested strongly, but by the time he managed to get free from the grips of a frowning Remus and a tight-lipped James, Bell was gone up the stairs.
In the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore finally handed her the letter. It was creased seven ways, and Bell immediately knew who it was from- her father. She was surprised. He hadn't ever written to her at Hogwarts before, and she wondered how he'd even gotten it here. Unfolding the parchment, a sense of dread came over her. Lily stepped back, and Marlene followed her lead, leaving the words for their intended recipient first.
Evangeline,
Her father was the only one to ever call her by her first name, further proving it was him, along with the spidery handwriting and the azure ink. He only ever wrote in that shade. Said it reminded him of her mother, whose favorite color was blue.
If you're reading this, I'm dead.
Bell's face went white.
I don't know if it will be hard for you to hear this. Selfishly, I hope it will.
She tried to process it.
I know we've had our differences.
Differences? The man was a perpetually-exhausted alcoholic. Bell started trembling.
And I'm sorry for everything I ever said about that school.
The summer before this school year, they'd had a fight. A bad one, too. Her father said she was wasting her time at Hogwarts, that he wasn't even sure it was a real place, how could magic even be real if she couldn't show him? And she'd protested it was because she was too young, she'd be breaking the wizarding law, and Hogwarts was more of a home for her than his house had been for the last few years. At that, he'd practically thrown her out, though he could only do so with his words, stumbling around like the drunk he was. Bell had lived with her sister and her sister-in-law since then, for all of August.
I hope you're happy there.
She was. She really was. Bell would have smiled to herself had she not been so struck with shock.
Tell that friend of yours- Sirius, that was his name, wasn't it? -he has my permission to marry you someday.
Bell's hand came up to cover her mouth and nose. By Merlin- Her father had met Sirius two, no three now, summers ago, when he and the rest of her friends (excepting Persephone, who she didn't know well yet) had come up to visit, just that one time. This was when he only drank at night and tried to stay sober when Bell was at home. Apparently he'd realized something between them before Bell herself had even recognized her own feelings for Sirius. Tears pricked at her eyes, her grief overcoming her surprise finally, and immediately felt arms slung around her from Lily, Marlene's following suit only a moment later.
I love you, Evangeline. I know I never said it enough.
Tears poured down Bell's cheeks then and the words of the letter grew blurry in her vision. She had to have Marlene finish it aloud, which her friend did in a choked-up voice, having been following along.
"I wish I never picked up this habit of drink. It's a vice, and if it wasn't what killed me, I don't know what did."
Marlene coughed, her voice faltering. Bell fell to her knees, barely fully-healed from the awful night Sirius was poisoned by Bellatrix Lestrange, and opened new wounds on her skin there from the weight of her collapse on the stiff stone floor. Lily knelt and let Bell crawl into her lap and cling to her as she shook and cried. Marlene went on after a long moment:
"Your sister will be your legal guardian now, if you're not old enough to be your own. If she passes- God save you if that happens -the responsibility will pass to Cora. And Evangeline- there are dark things in this world, but-" Marlene choked up and had to pause. "-but there is still light, and love, and don't let those get away from you like I did."
Another long beat. Bell stumbled to her feet and roughly snatched the letter from Marlene, who'd been staring at the last line as if in a trance, too dazed to continue.
Stay strong, Evangeline.
Love, Dad
Then Bell had fled from the office, down the hall, passing blurry faces with blurrier voices, going nowhere and yet sprinting as if it would save her somehow. She nearly fell down the Grand Staircase and almost let herself when she tripped a second time, but grabbed the railing just in time. And now she was here. Sitting by herself. Halfway down the secret tunnel that led to the cellar of Honeydukes in Hogsmeade. Alone, completely alone, unsure if the aching in her chest was from her running or her grief or both. No, she wasn't completely alone. She had her friends. But where were they? And what was that panting sound? Bell looked up, wiping at her cheeks with sleeves already wet from how she'd been doing the same for the past however-many minutes she'd been here.
There was a black dog standing there. Professor Trelawney would have panicked and called it the Grim. But Bell knew this canine. He showed up at least once or twice a month on the Hogwarts grounds, though she recalled now, a random thought, distracting her from her anguish, that she hadn't seen him at all in September.
"Hey, there, boy," she choked out, mustering a smile, and beckoned for the dog to come to her, which he did, trotting up and laying his head on her knees, which she'd drawn up to her chest. He looked at her as if he was sad or worried for her. His expressions, Bell knew, were often surprisingly-detailed, as if his mind was one that understood the complexities of human emotions. She ran her hand over his head and leaned her face into his dark fur. His heart was going fast, like he'd run here, and she sobbed into his side for a good few minutes, holding him like she was tumbling, falling, careening through the air and he was a parachute, her lifeline.
Then something made her pause. Someone's shirt was wet where her face had pressed against the dog's fur. Arms were around her. Someone was humming softly into her hair, every breath tickling the top of her head. Someone was holding her, and the dog was gone. Bell looked up. It was Sirius. He stopped humming and looked at her. His face was one of mixed worry, fear, concern, and sheepishness. It only took Bell, despite her grief-swamped mind, to put two and two together.
"You're the pup?" she asked weakly, and he gave a meek nod. She gave a gasping laugh, all she could manage right now, and wrapped her arms tighter around him. "No wonder you've never seem 'im." Sirius let out a soft breath of laughter and it blew a lock of Bell's hair into her face. With a gentle hand, he brushed it back behind her ear.
"Yes, I'm an animagus. Unregistered, if it matters to you." Bell nodded for a beat at Sirius' words, then when she tried to crawl on his lap, he let her and held her against him for a long, long time. His stomach growled a few times, but he didn't move or mention that he was hungry. Bell knew she wasn't. She felt empty, but whole at the same time. It didn't make any sense, and on top of her sorrow, she was frightened.
It took her many minutes to calm down, but eventually, she did, and when Sirius asked softly what had happened and if she was willing to tell him, she answered with what she knew.
"You don't know how?"
"Dumbledore said something about an accident when I was running out. The words 'car' and 'crash' were there. That's all I caught."
Sirius tensed up, but said no more, only held Bell for a few minutes more until she finally leaned back and sat up on her own, taking in a few deep breaths. She needed sleep. Her bed. Sirius seemed to glean this and stood up, reaching for her hands. When she let him, he drew her to her feet, then lifted her into his arms, bridal style. If this were any other moment, they would have flirtatious banter, she knew, but now, he only looked down at her with a heavy gaze and leaned his forehead against hers as he started to carry her out.
"Everything will be alright, Angel," he said softly. "I know it isn't like that now, but it will be, and I'll help you get there." He nodded and lifted his head, looking forward with a strong gaze. Bell's heart swelled. He would take care of her, help her through this, she knew he would. And she loved him for that.
She loved him.
Sirius glanced down at her again. Bell realized she'd been staring at his face, but didn't stop doing so, too dejected to care much. A somber smile appeared on his lips.
"I'm here, Angel. I'm here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I won't ever leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bell's list:
11. Find out about the shaggy black dog that appears every so often on campus and only seems to be noticed by me, James, Peter, and Remus. ✔ (Sirius you rascal)