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forty eight.
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ㅤ"justin!" i shouted his name making him wake up and lift his head from the table of the cafeteria. "you should rest on your bed not on the table of the cafeteria"
ㅤ"if i go to my bed, i won't be able to sleep because i'll be thinking about tomorrow all the time" he answered.
ㅤ"should we pull an all-nighter?" chengcheng asked. he was sitting next to me.
ㅤ"in your room?" ruibin asked him.
ㅤi was too focused on finishing my noodles to reply. it was at night, almost bedtime. they'd been rehearsing all day and it was time to rest. the next day they'd have rehearsals on stage and be all day preparing for the finale.
ㅤ"no!" zhengting exclaimed. "we have to sleep today. no sleepover parties"
ㅤ"you heard the mom" i said, taking the noodles to my mouth.
ㅤ"i'm not going to be able to sleep all night anyway" xukun said. he was sitting on my other side as he watched me eat with concentration, as if watching me eat was the most interesting thing in the world. but he had told me that it made him happy to watch me eat. i figured it was because of that time that i didn't eat well for days and when i came back i was very thin, worrying him.
ㅤ"neither do i" i replied. "but you're all together and i'm alone in my room"
ㅤ"sleep in mine" xukun replied. "or in one of theirs" he then pointed to the others. "many rooms have free beds"
ㅤ"in mine there's one extra bed" ruibin said cheerfully.
ㅤ"in ours too" ziyi said.
ㅤ"i can' t" i replied. "imagine if they found out that a mentor had slept in the trainees' room"
ㅤ"it's not like you don't spend all day in our rooms" justin replied, resting his elbow on the table and then his head in his hand.
ㅤ"and it's not like you won't be sleeping with one of us soon" chengcheng added with a mischievous smile, referring to yanjun.
ㅤi made a ball out of the napkin i had and threw it at him mercilessly, but he dodged it.
ㅤ"the later the better" xukun said and everyone looked at him in confusion. "what? i'm just protecting my xinyue"
ㅤ"so sweet of you" i told him, laughing.
ㅤ"by the way" ruibin said. "we should do something special tonight since it's our last night in the dorms"
ㅤi stopped paying attention to them and took the last noodles left in the bowl.
ㅤ"let's play hide and seek" chengcheng suggested.
ㅤ"no" zhengting quickly answered.
ㅤ"how about tag?" justin asked.
ㅤ"absolutely not" zhengting answered again.
ㅤ"karaoke?" ruibin asked.
ㅤ"i really want to sleep tho" zhengting replied tiredly.
ㅤi finally finished the noodles and let out an exclamation because my mouth was burning with the spiciness of the noodles, surprising everyone.
ㅤ"i'm full" i said.
ㅤ"now you have to rest" xukun told me and i shook my head.
ㅤi put my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. i was feeling tired but i didn't want to go to my room. in addition to that, i really wanted to go see yanjun.
ㅤi was hoping, on the one hand, that he wasn't sleeping so that i could be with him. although, if i thought about it, it was better that he was sleeping because then he would rest for the finale.
ㅤi did not know if it was chance or fate, but at that very moment i saw zhangjing and chaoze approaching our table, where a few of us were gathered. i raised my head from xukun's shoulder quickly, while zhangjing and chaoze sat beside us, greeting us.
ㅤ"zhangjing" i called him and he looked at me. "do you know where yanjun is?" i asked him, getting a lot of stares from the rest.
ㅤ"yes" he nodded. "he was showering a few minutes ago" he explained.
ㅤ"thank you" i said, standing up from the bench. "i will go before he goes to sleep. see you later guys" i said to the rest. i knew they weren't going to sleep so i supposed i would see them later and get to spend more time with them.
ㅤ"i shouldn't have dirty thoughts..." chaoze whispered but i could hear him perfectly.
ㅤ"xinyue, don't forget there are cameras!" chengcheng winked at me while i was leaving.
ㅤ"i just wanna talk to him" i rolled my eyes.
ㅤ"you have a different concept of talking than we do" xukun laughed.
ㅤ"i hate you all" i told them, walking away from them.
ㅤ"you didn't say so this morning" zhangjing laughed.
ㅤ"you keep attacking xinyue" zhengting said. "but i'm gonna protect her from you"
ㅤ"thank you, zhengting!" i exclaimed, turning around to look at him and making a heart with my hands. then i turned around again and started running out of the cafeteria.
ㅤi was smiling like an idiot because of them. they always made me very happy with just a few jokes and little time together.
ㅤi started walking down the corridor towards the stairs to go up to yanjun's room while i fixed my ponytail that i had made because it had become messy over time. my bangs had grown quite a bit and were almost covering my eyes, so i had to move them a little to the side.
ㅤthe smile on my face had already disappeared and i was thinking about everything again. suddenly ruibin's words came back to me. it was the last night there, the last time i could walk up the stairs to yanjun's room and the last time i could eat in the cafeteria with the boys at that time of night.
ㅤi didn't want to think about it, but every step i took seemed to remind me of it. and that was when i started thinking about how many times i would be able to see yanjun again. thousands of questions came back to me, wondering what would happen.
ㅤinstead of thinking about it any more, i started running down the corridor until i arrived in front of yanjun's bedroom door.
ㅤthe door was open and the light was on, but the bathroom door was closed. i couldn't hear the water running, but i assumed yanjun was in there.
ㅤi knocked on the door several times before yanjun said he would be out in five minutes.
ㅤ"yanjun" i spoke. "it's me, xinyue" i explained. "can't you come out now?"
ㅤyanjun remained silent, probably wondering what i was doing there, but he soon spoke again.
ㅤ"give me ten seconds" he said and, a few moments later, yanjun opened the bathroom door, letting himself be seen.
ㅤhis hair was wet and he wasn't wearing a t-shirt, letting his abs show. he was wearing wide black shorts and black flip-flops. although i would have preferred him to stay like that, he had a white t-shirt in his hands and soon put it on as he left the bathroom.
ㅤas soon as he had put it on, i jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly. "are the cameras rolling?" i whispered to him.
ㅤ"they aren't" he whispered back.
ㅤ"okay" i said, relieved. then i let my head rest on his chest and he wrapped his hands behind my back.
ㅤ"what happens, xinyue?" he asked me with a soft voice.
ㅤ"i don't know" i answered, hesitantly. my voice was about to break.
ㅤyanjun caressed my back as i simply held him tightly, as if that would make him stay with me forever.
ㅤ"wait" yanjun whispered and parted from me. he closed the door of the room and then took my hand to walk to his bed. he sat down and so did i, next to him. i put my head on his shoulder and he passed one of his arms behind my back. "you can tell me"
ㅤ"i..." i hesitated, but then took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "i don't see it clear"
ㅤ"what are you talking about?"
ㅤ"us" i answered. "our future"
ㅤ"why?"
ㅤ"what are we gonna do after we leave this?" i asked. "it's tomorrow. we can't keep postponing the topic. you will probably debut and you will become famous. you will live here in china while i will live in south korea. we won't see each other"
ㅤ"xinyue, that's not a problem" he answered. "do you think i will forget about you because of this thing called distance? i like you too much to be able to do so"
ㅤ"but it'll be hard" i told him. "and we are famous. we can't hide"
ㅤ"i will talk to the ceo of banana culture" yanjun replied, confidently. "there won't be any problem"
ㅤ"and if there is?"
ㅤ"there won't"
ㅤ"how can you be so sure about it?" i asked him, opening my eyes and turning my head to look at him. "you will become an idol, from the nation's boy group"
ㅤ"xinyue" he called me and took a few seconds to continue. "i will do anything to keep you by my side. i won't let anyone separate you from me"
ㅤi lifted my head off his shoulder and moved away from him a little to look him in the eye. i wanted to know if he truly meant it. his eyes were shining so beautifully and i couldn't help but get sentimental. why had he said something so sweet? i felt my heart pounding and my cheeks were flushed.
ㅤ"i would do anything too" i whispered back.
ㅤa little smile formed on his face. his wet hair, his shining eyes, his smile, his dimples... everything was so perfect in those moments that i wished i could capture the moment.
ㅤ"then, stop worrying about our future" yanjun said. "we will be fine, okay?"
ㅤi looked at him in the eye and i nodded. "then it will be okay" i sang the lyrics of 'it's ok', making him smile more widely.
ㅤ"yes" he answered. "you're right"
ㅤi didn't know why but it was a magical moment. it was so natural that it made me think that. i would never forget how yanjun looked at me and how handsome he looked in such simple clothes and without makeup. i wished i could see him like that every day. get up in bed, turn around and see him next to me. walk down any street in the city holding hands, go to the movies together, do couple things together. be happy together and see him smile every day.
ㅤi couldn't stop myself and kissed him desperately. yanjun soon followed the kiss and put his arms around my waist. since we were both a little uncomfortable with that position, i climbed on his lap, putting my legs on either side.
ㅤit was the first time we were both like that and i had thought it would be uncomfortable and embarrassing at first, but nothing like that happened. i put my arms over his shoulders and he slid his hands behind my back, over my sweatshirt. i parted, breaking the kiss, and looked at him trying to figure out what he was thinking about that.
ㅤhe was confused by the sudden stop and looked at me carefully until i started to smile. when he came up to me to kiss me again, i turned away, avoiding him.
ㅤ"xinyue..." he sighed, annoyed.
ㅤ"what?" i asked playfully.
ㅤhe tried to kiss me again, but i avoided him once again. however, suddenly his expression changed. his eyes were no longer so innocent and a spark of mischief crossed them for a moment.
ㅤsuddenly, he grabbed my legs and laid me down on his bed, getting on top of me.this time, when he approached to kiss me, i didn't move my face away and let him kiss me to follow his kiss later. i didn't know what was happening, but i was enjoying it.
ㅤyanjun had rested his arms on the bed, one on each side of my head so that he wouldn't fall on me, and i had my hands around his neck, on the back of his head, bringing him closer to me. seconds later, yanjun parted from my lips to start going down my neck and leaving kisses on it. i bit my lower lip, closing my eyes and trying not to moan too loudly.
ㅤhis left hand had come down to my belly and was sliding it under my shirt, touching my skin and starting to draw circles on it. it made my hair stand on end as soon as his fingers touched my skin.
ㅤi wanted that. i craved it. but i realized it wasn't the time or the place. to go on with that was what i wanted most at the time, but it would be a mistake to do so at that moment.
ㅤ"yanjun" i called him. he suddenly stopped kissing my neck and looked at me. his hand had also stopped moving. "i think we shouldn't..." i whispered.
ㅤhe nodded quickly, without letting me finish. "okay" he said, as soon as he heard me, and pulled his hand out from under my shirt. "i should have asked..." he added, falling next to me in the bed.
ㅤ"no, no" i said. "it's not that i don't want to" i explained. "it's that i don't want to do it here. anyone could walk in at any time and i'm tired. plus tomorrow is the finale and it's better if..."
ㅤ"i got it, xinyue" yanjun laughed. he turned sideways, resting his elbow on the mattress and then his head in his hand. "you look nervous"
ㅤ"no" i flatly denied and turned to the side, facing yanjun and resting my head on my arm.
ㅤ"will you sleep here with me?"
ㅤ"i can't, you know it"
ㅤ"nobody will notice"
ㅤi looked at him, debating his proposal. it was true that nobody would notice, but what would happen in the morning when the staff saw me leave the building without seeing me come in?
ㅤ"i will stay for two hours" i told him. it was eleven at night, so if i left at one in the morning no one would suspect a thing.
ㅤ"i guess it's better than nothing" yanjun smiled.
ㅤi turned around, turned my back to him and waited for him to move closer to me. it didn't take long for him to run his arm over me and grab me from behind, being the big spoon.
ㅤ"i really wanted to cuddle with you" i told him, embarrassed.
ㅤ"me too" yanjun whispered in my ear. "this is the best feeling ever. i didn't think i could sleep tonight, but since you're by my side, i think i will be able to do so"