Random Blabbings

Trigger Warning:
The following blab contains feels and confusion and amazement towards Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck which may not be suitable to those who haven't read it. I suggest to go on your own way and have a good day.

| you have been warned |

growing up sucks. growing up hurts. but growing up is necessary. that is, if we wanted to live a life we can call life. if we really wanted to live.

i've read a lot of self-help books. read tons of quotes that not only boosts my morale, but also gives me a certain high.

17 years in life and i realized from all those books, tho i do pick up one or two lessons from each book, i mostly do that to be right. i know, sick. but it's nice to know that i already have something in me to be successful. makes me feel like i can conquer the world. that i am unique. different. special.

but no one wants to be special. srsly. because we all wanted to belong. to be understood. to be accepted. and if by being "special," we couldn't get this, we get mad. we blame the world. we wanted out—how dare this filthy world to turn its back on me? me?!

or in reverse, it kinda looks like this—no one wants me. i'm a trash. the world is better off without me.

joke's on me.

the sudden rant, however, is not necessary. nadala lang ako ng emosyon.

right. emosyon.

(oh, my god, here comes btob things. kindly buckle up or step out of the ride.)

in the song beautiful pain, (gods, even the title is damn good) one line that never ceases to amaze me is, "no one wants to deal with the pain that follows, no, i understand them, though."

pain hurts. pain is negative. pain is something we all try to avoid. but pain is what told us to never bump on that table again. pain told us to use slippers if we're running in a rocky road. pain told us to watch our steps or we'll be rolling down that stairs.

at very core, i already know that pain is an ally. mark manson amplified that by making me realize that pain is not only an ally, but also a teacher.

greatest teacher ever. here, lemme give pain its well-deserve mug.

and you know what's more? pain gives way for growth. pain happens because something is wrong. something is wrong because we need to change. we need to change because we're always wrong.

mark manson, holy crap.

a number of things from the book flipped my world. one really remarkable thing is "not giving a fuck" is different from what we actually perceive it.

see, i picked the book for the same reason you may have picked it or read my eternal on-going story which is keep it simple, stupid, because it's badass. it seems like an adventure. it promises an adventure.

we want that.

but manson's book won't give you an adventure. it'll force you to sit down and assess yourself, your life, and your death.

and i think, it's the only adventure we'll ever need as it is endless. also relentless.

i really like how he said that not giving a fuck is staring down at your own failure and shoving your peace sign with your index finger folded on it. and then he proceeded to get on the  gritty and grueling details of why and how it'll be a difficult journey to do.

because really, we all have this moments of yolo. of quick adrenaline rush wherein we're not afraid of anything and does whatever the hell it is we're stalling to do. with that in mind, staring at your own failure sounds good. it sounds simple and easy. heck, i do that most of the time.

but one failure would also crumple me to pieces. because at the very core of it all, i am still afraid of failure.

when you're raised to be an achiever, i guess, "never fail" is a pre-requisite subject to take.

but that's also one thing manson shove in my skull. that everything in my life is my responsibility.

now, of course, it is. i would fight for my life to be lived in the way i want so, of course, mark, it is!

but he added emphasis on "everything."

everything as in everything. everything as in including the situations you're in due to someone else's doing. everything as in including the ones you have completely no control over.

it's my responsibility because i have full control over the only thing that could make a difference in my life—my actions.

hold on a second, i need to drink my coffee because that's true. and bitter.

never have i ever thought that whatever impact other people caused in my life is my responsibility.

the more i think about it, the more freeing it is. the more power i have over my own life. the more alive i feel for knowing this is my own and no one else's. the more i care about my time. the more i care about whether or not the things i give my attention to contributes to the overall direction i wanted to go in life.

now, i just finished the book and my mind is still reeling from all of those hard pills to swallow, and i don't think i figured out one-fourth of what manson's trying to say, but adore every bit of it.

i remember a question asked on facebook a long time ago which kinda goes like this, "how can you say a story is good?" to which i replied, "disturbing."

to be very honest, i feel like i am floating. because the very things upon which i planted the foundation of my self was wreck by the book.

it is disturbing. and i'll probably read that again. and again. and again.