needles ? frerard

Pancakes are one of his favorite foods. They're a good invention. They can be a simple breakfast or you can turn them into a dessert. They're easy to make and everyone likes them.

But right now, the plate in front of him holds nothing but stupid, sad, flavorless circles.

A quick snap yanks him out of his maple syrup trance.

"Are you listening to me?" Adam asks.

"Um, sorry, no." Gerard sighs. "I miss Frank."

"It's been, like, a week."

"That's the longest we've ever been apart." The black-haired man replies, carving a precise triangle into the stack of pancakes.

"Are you gonna visit him?"

"Tomorrow. But it's not the same."

"What'dya mean?"

"I'm grateful that I get to see Frank at all, don't get me wrong. But I miss him being around, y'know? Going to shows with him, dying our hair together, him falling asleep on my shoulder during a movie... I just wanna be with him. And I'm worried, too. He doesn't do good around strangers. I gave him a few of my shirts, so he can sleep better, but I don't think it's the same. He's really cuddly. Not clingy, but his last partner wasn't really into physicality unless it was abusive, so..."

"Wait, what?"

"Um... yeah. When I met him, he was in a very abusive relationship, uh, it'd been going on for a couple of years. He's doing better now, but he's still got issues with sleep and I think having me there helps. Not to sound, like, arrogant or vain or whatever but I think he feels a lot safer with me and it helps Frank sleep to be really close to me and know that I'm there."

"Poor guy... I'm glad he's out of that situation though. And I don't think you sound vain at all, it makes total sense that he'd feel safer having you close at night." Adam replies.

Gerard nods.

"Sometimes he holds my hand. At night. It used to be after I'd fallen asleep, like he was embarrassed, but not anymore. It's the cutest fucking thing, Linds. I'm not sure if he's worried I'll leave, or if he just wants to be closer, but it's one of my favorite things in the whole world. He has small hands. I mean, they're proportionate to the rest of him, I suppose. He's got small hands and they've got the prettiest tattoos and sometimes he paints his nails. And they're so soft. You'd think they'd be super calloused from his guitar but they're soft and perfect..." Gerard stares off wistfully.

"Wow." The dark brunette looks at him with fascination. "You're stupidly in love with this guy, huh? Mikey was right."

Gerard blushes and nods. "Yeah, I-I guess so. And Mikey doesn't even like that we're together."

"Oh, hush. He's just being protective. It's a close siblings thing. Probably. Is it? It seems like it."

"He thinks we're bad influences on each other. But, whatever. If he can aggressively make out with his boyfriend in the backseat of my motherfucking car -while I'm driving- than I think I'm allowed to ditch him when my boyfriend is contemplating suicide."

"Yeah, no, I think you're off the hook for that one. Speaking of which, um, this might be too personal of a question, but-"

"Please. You know there's no such thing any more." Gerard replies.

"That's true. Okay, have you guys... like... done it?"

"Uh..." His cheeks flush red again. "We fooled around once, but no. He's not ready yet."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Does it matter? I mean, if he's not ready then he's not ready. I can't change it, nor am I going to try. I'm perfectly okay with waiting until he's comfortable. And I think it'll make it more special, too. If we wait."

"That's... honestly kinda cute. Saying it'll make it more special."

Gerard shyly spears a piece of strawberry with his fork and nods.

"And, y'know, I don't mean to complain that I miss him. It's good that he's staying there and getting real help. He needed it."

"If you don't mind my asking, how abusive was his ex?" He asks around a plastic straw before taking a sip of water.

"Very. Apparently his wrist got dislocated so many times he can pop it back into place by himself."

Adam's dark eyes widen. "Are you serious? Holy shit."

"Yeah, it's... it's a miracle he's still standing on two feet at this point."

"I really wouldn't have guessed, he doesn't show it."

"No, he doesn't. He's incredibly strong. I couldn't do it."

They sit silently for another moment.

"Well, so much for trying to cheer you up." Adam laughs softly.

"I'm sorry." Gerard smiles a little. "He's just on my mind a lot. What were you saying earlier?"

"Oh, right-" He starts talking about a recent interview he did with NME and
Gerard tries to focus the best he can.

The guilt is conflicting. He knows that it's partially his fault that Frank is where he is, and he feels selfish for missing him. The nagging feeling refuses to leave, and it's making Gerard sick. If he hadn't been such an asshole about the sleeping pills, then Frank probably wouldn't have done what he did, and there would be no one to miss. So, it's weird. Not like any part of their relationship has ever been particularly normal, but there's just a lot going on right now. In his head, Gerard just keeps repeating the same sentence. Over and over, reminding himself of the only thing that's important.

He's alive.