needles ? frerard

another three weeks later

"I just can't fucking deal with you anymore! Get the fuck out!"

"G-Gerard, please..." He whimpers.

"No, you're not gonna sob your way outta this. I am done. I am done with fixing you every time you break, I am done living a life where I don't know if I'll come home and find you sliced up on the bathroom floor or not, I am done with your crying and whining about everything, I am fucking done with it. I can't deal with your mess anymore. So just get the fuck out of here, alright?"

"Gerard, c-c-can we just talk about this? Please, I-I-I-"

"Do you have hearing problems too? I said, get out!"

Frank wakes up in a cold sweat, breathing too fast. He doesn't feel Gerard near him, he always does, he always wakes up and feels Gerard near him. The shorter one sits up rapidly and looks to the side, seeing that Gerard had simply rolled over in his sleep. His panic is eased a little, but not much. "G-Gerard, please, w-wake up, Gee, I'm scared." He rocks Gerard's shoulder, tears beginning to trickle down his cheeks. The black-haired man mumbles something incoherent, his eyes opening slowly. The last remnants of sleep quickly fade away when he realizes that something is wrong.

"Hey, you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" He asks, pushing himself upright by his hands.

Frank nods. "You- you- you l-l-l-left me, you s-s-said I was too m-much of a burden, you-"

"Aw, Frankie. I'm so sorry. C'mere." He opens his arms and Frank falls into his embrace.

"I'm not gonna leave you. I promise."

"I d-d-don't believe you." The black-and-blonde haired man sobs into his shoulder, holding onto Gerard so tight it's making it a little difficult for him to breathe. He holds Gerard like a hostage, like it'll keep him from leaving how he did in the nightmare.

"I love you so much. I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm not. You're stuck with me for a long, long time, pretty boy. I'm not gonna leave you. I'm right here."

"I-It was so s-s-scary, Gerard. I c-can't lose you, I can't."

"You won't. You won't ever lose me, alright?"

They go back and forth like that for a few more minutes before Frank stops crying for the most part, his breathing returned to normal. He pulls away and draws his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. "I'm s-sorry, I'm sorry I cry all the f-f-fucking time and I'm sorry for waking you, a-a-and-" He can't think of anything else to apologize for.

"It's totally fine, baby. Promise. You never have to apologize for having feelings. And I don't mind being woken up, especially when it's for you." Gerard soothes.

Frank nods, taking in a trembling breath. "God, it felt so real. It was all the shit th-that I'm always thinking about a-and worried about and it just seemed so real. Like it t-totally could happen. In my dream, you... you s-s-said that you were done fixing me every t-time I break. You said that you were done l-living a life where you don't know if you'll come home and I'm dead, or something like that. A-And you said that you were sick of me c-c-crying and whining about everything, and it just felt so fucking real. Like, that's all the stuff that I worry you'll say, th-that I'll get you to the point of saying."

"I'd never say any of that. Really, I wouldn't. I wanna help you when you need it. And, yeah, I do worry sometimes that I'll come home and you'll be hurt. But the more I see you getting better, the less I worry. And I am not sick of you crying, not at all. You're feeling things, and expressing it, and that's good."

"I wanna b-believe you, I do."

"How can I help you believe me?"

"I-I don't know. I feel like s-s-such a failure. I was doing okay, I hadn't had a b-bad dream in a while, I thought that maybe they w-w-were gone for good. So fucking naive, I know."

"Relapsing is a part of healing."

"I wish it wasn't." Frank sighs. "I just- I know I sh-shouldn't being having these d-doubts, I know they're horrible things t-t-to think about, and I j-just want them to go away. I want the nightmares to f-fucking go away."

"They will. I promise they will."

"You don't kn-know that." Frank mumbles.

"This is the first nightmare you've had in, what? Two months?" Gerard asks.

Frank nods. The medications -for the most part- have been letting him sleep soundly. There were a few scattered nightmares in the hospital, as they were still trying to find the right dosage, but they've decreased heavily since he's been home.

"So you've had one nightmare in two months. Seems like an improvement to me."

"How come y-you always know exactly wh-what to say to make things b-b-better?"

Gerard smiles. "I dunno, but I'm glad it helps."

Frank takes a deep breath and wipes away his tears. "I love you."

"I love you too. I love you, and I'm not going to leave you, and you're enough for me."

"Thank you." It's Frank's turn to smile now.

They lay back down, Frank resting his head on Gerard's chest and Gerard's arm around him protectively. Frank can hear his heartbeat, the rhythmic sound lulling him back to sleep. Gerard doesn't fall asleep for a little while, however. He has to prove that he's not gonna leave, he has to prove that Frank is truly his everything. Gerard realizes that it's finally time to do the thing he's wanted to do ever since their first kiss.