Eight Letters / Taegyu; Until the End

why is it so hard to say?

word count; 652

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i grabbed his hand as tears streamed down my face in desperation to keep him here with me.

"beomgyu please. i'm sorry. i'll do anything. just don't leave me. i don't give a fuck about them anymore. i just want you to stay. i need you. please."

he turned around to look at me from where he was stood with his backpack on his shoulder. he was preparing himself to walk away. because he knew that it was the only thing he would be able to do.

the older looked at me miserably. i could see in his eyes that it was hard. but i knew that he had thought long and hard about this moment. 

he wanted what was best for us.

"taehyun. i know that you think that holding on will fix things. but it's too late to hold on now. it's too late to fix things this time.
i know it's hard. i know that deep down you really mean what you say."

he held my wrist and gently removed my hand from where it was held tightly onto him.

"but i think that if we really want to be happy. if we really want to fix things and we really want to be together. that we will give each other what we both need.

i'm sorry but i have to let go of you, at least for now, so that i can be okay with the way things are going. maybe one day we can be together again. but for now i think it's best that we give this a break. i need time to cope and you need time to be comfortable with following your own path. 
i never want to lose you as a friend. you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 and i thank you for that. i'm grateful. i really am. i really mean that. but i want what's really best for us.

let's break up taehyun. let's go back to being friends. i don't want to hurt anymore.

i know you don't want to either. so that's why i'm asking you to please just let me go for good this time.

i love you taehyun."

his eyes were spilling with tears.

but i knew that beomgyu meant every word that he said. no matter how much it hurt to say the words aloud.

i knew that if i really wanted to make up for my mistakes, i would do what he was begging me to do. i would let go. 

"okay beomgyu. i promise, that i will do whatever it takes, whatever you want, to make you happy. even if it means that i can't be yours anymore.

i love you beomgyu.

no matter how hard it is to say.

i love you. i don't think i will ever stop.

i'm sorry.

please know that i will be stronger next time when you are ready to let me come back. i will never make this mistake twice.
know that getting to love you made me feel like the luckiest person alive. 

i will never forget everything that you did for me. i will never forget the day that you said yes. the day that you said that you love me. i will never forget those memories, even if you do."

beomgyu nodded and slipped his backpack over his other shoulder and tightly gripped the straps with his hands until the golden skin turned ghostly.

and he turned around and he walked away.

and even though i knew that this wasn't some cheesy romance movie's sad ending, and i would see him again tomorrow. it still hurt so bad knowing that tomorrow he would see me as his best friend again. and only that.

he wouldn't feel the same way as he once did.

this wasn't the end. this was the beginning. the beginning of a sad story that i never thought i would have to write.

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it's 12.45 on a tuesday...

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the end