Kiss me and I'm yours - A Severus Snape story

Today is Thursday. The students leave tomorrow and on Sunday evening, I would have to leave the castle. I didn't have much time left. I had to waste Tuesday and Wednesday, because Dumbledore informed me about important information, concerning Voldemort. I had to be prepared and he did the best he could. Severus still hasn't woken up yet and I was getting more anxious because Sunday was coming, and I feared that I was not ready. How does one prepare oneself for this? At my first meeting with him, I was terrified. How in the name of Merlin does Severus do this?

He was still laying in his bed, and I held his hand. It wasn't as cold as it usual was because I lit up the fireplace. I don't mind the cold, but since Severus isn't in control of his body, I thought it would be nice. Since I saw the ring on his middle finger, the one I gave him for Christmas, I have started to wear mine too. Maybe feeling something that is not coming from himself might help him wake up.

Most of the time, I only watched his chest as it rose and fell, making sure he was breathing and most importantly stable. While I sat there, it got me thinking about pretty much everything that happened. I still couldn't puzzle everything together. It all just doesn't make sense. I mean after he broke up with me, it seemed that everything just went downhill. Not that I blame him for everything that happened since then, but maybe it all just seems like it since we don't have each other anymore. I just don't get it. When we were together everything was easier to handle and now everything just seems to crash down and the actual goal, namely defeating Voldemort, is fading slowly away. Right now, everything seemed hopeless, and I was wondering how much of a fight we will be able to put on, when the actual battle arrives.

I still had trouble understanding him and his decisions. Let's just assume that he still loves me, why break up with me? It has been much easier to handle everything with him by my side, and I can only guess that it has been easier for him as well. He seemed content, finally happy but now, I wasn't so sure. Did Voldemort find out that we were together? And if so, did he force him to distance himself from me? It was possible. One second of not paying attention in his presence, is all he needs in order to invade your mind and find out the truth. But Severus has been doing this for years, long before I became his girlfriend.

I was trying every possible way, but not a single one made sense to me. The more I was looking at him, the more I wanted to cry. I never meant for this to happen. Why does this world seem more difficult than the muggle world. I sighed out in frustration. I was completely not in control. I wasn't in control of my life, because I refused to let him die and therefore, I took the mark upon myself. I wasn't in control at the ministry. If I could have seen Bellatrix, I might have been able to save Sirius. Hell, I might have been able to protect everyone from harm, if I would have used my powers, but I didn't want the Order to know, not yet.

I chuckled. I would love to know what Severus would have to say right know. He would probably scream, yell and shout at me, for taking that mark. He would probably tell me that I should have let him die, rather than to take that mark, because he would have done anything to protect me from that.

Protection.

It suddenly dawned on me. Severus would do anything to protect me, just as he would do anything to protect Potter. What if, he believed that by distancing himself from me, he would protect me better. What if he believed that was the only way to keep me safe. I had to believe it, I just had to. I just couldn't believe that he would break up with me because he doesn't love me anymore. I couldn't believe that all those things he said to me were just not true anymore. I couldn't believe it and I wouldn't believe it. Why else would I put my life in danger for him? I wanted to slap myself for my stupidity and why I didn't think about it sooner. I might have been able to spend more time with him, if I would have just used my brain.