The Limits of Forever

I jump into my bed, sending my cushions flying.

God, it's been a long day.

I wrap myself up in my duvet and pick up my phone, to look at my ignored messages and emails.

Lucia... scroll.

Lucia... scroll.

Alice. I click on it.

Lexi, would you let me move in if I was being evicted? It reads.

Are you being evicted? I text back.

She answers immediately even though it's past one in the morning.

No but hypothetically.

No then. I reply.

Then I click off our messages and continue to scroll.

Lucia.

Lucia.

Another Lucia.

Ugh why can't the lady take the hint that I don't feel like working today.

Something falls in the living room and I sit upright.

Do I really feel like getting out of my warm bed to check?... No.

I lie back down and then sit straight back up when I hear someone swear.

I drop my phone onto my night stand.

I push myself off my bed and tip toe to my bedroom door.

I crack it open and peer outside.

It's dark, just the way I left it, except that my flower pot is on the floor, broken and there is a man facing away from me brushing something off his thighs.

He bends over and I notice the gun.

I slap my hand to my mouth to muffle me gasping.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I'm going to die.

I push my door shut and sit on the floor.

I'm going to die.

Or, I'm going to get kidnapped.

Or I'm going to get kidnapped and killed.

I need to get up and do something, before any of those possibilities come true.

But right now, I physically can't get up. I can't breathe either.

My chest is tightening around my lungs and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

I really don't want to die.

If I sit here and have this panic attack, I might hyperventilate to death.

I need Seb.

I take in a deep breath through my mouth, and then another, before pushing myself off the floor and pretty much running towards my phone.

I pick it up and sit on the edge of my bed.

I scroll down my call list till I reach Seb's name.

It rings.

And rings.

And rings.

He doesn't pick up.

My hands are shaking as I redial his number.

It rings out again.

I drop my hands and my phone into my lap and take a deep breath in.

In future, I've got to get my hands on a gun.