Always Down

MIA FAYE

The sky tar black, the smell of wet pines and grass heavy through the cold whips of air. The thin hems of my dress swayed through the winds and the gathered puddles soaked my heels. Tears or maybe rain water trickled down my numb cheeks, my eyes stinging from rubbing them for so long.

One sharp turn and I stopped, my breath hitched. The dim light from the poles settled onto him. His black shirt and pants were drenched, the wet fabric clinging to his body. He ran a hand through his damp hair and down his face when his eyes landed on me before closing the distance in between us.

He reached for the side of my neck, his rings cold across my skin when he pulled me in. His wet lips remained pressed against mine for a firm second, his eyes feathered shut and his breathing rapid. Then his mouth moved, unnervingly slow and my stomach twisted into knots at the ache cresting in my heart. It hurt too much to lie to him any longer. I wired my eyes close and winded my fingertips around his shirt, the urgency to pull him closer hitting my nerves to act.

His other hand slid down, to the dip of my hips. His tongue thrusted inside my mouth— the kiss becoming heavier, demanding, consuming, alarmingly maddening. He tightened his grip on my hip, a hard squeeze of the skin drew a whimper out of my lips. The rush of blood lightened my head, a hypnotic chaos from his kiss. He kissed me harder, his fingertips brushing across the spot behind my ear.

I should tell him everything but at what cost? I couldn't lose him. No Mia, the consequences shouldn't matter. He should know. He deserved to.

"I fucking hate whatever you do to me." His warm breath touched my lips, his voice hoarse, our exhales tangled and gettting heavier. Shudders crept through my body, maybe from the icy winds or from his clipped words.

Then, he kissed my top lip, a soft long press. "God, I'm such a goddamn liar."

He then lowered his mouth to kiss my bottom parted lip, his fervent stare never straying off my face. He made my heart race. "You slapped me in front of thousands of people, you argue with me for no damn reason, you defy me when no one else dares to, you piss me off with your rants, all that's supposed to make me hate you but I don't."

He clenched his jaw, drop of water falling off his lashes down his cheeks. "You weren't supposed to mean anything to me but now, I'd do anything stupid to see that smile on your face. I'm so fucking down for you that it scares me."

No, no, no this wasn't supposed to happen.

He brushed his thumb across my bottom lip. "I've hurt you from the very start and for that, you may punish me however you want, you'll never hear a single complain from my lips but don't you ever say that you hate me."

"You deserve someone better than me Mia but for once, I want to be better for you. I'm willing to fight against all the odds and all I'm asking is one chance, one chance to make this right." He uttered defeated, each of his spoken words breaking my heart. 

He laid his cold lips against my whimpering ones, unmoving. Somewhere in between, his words deepened my guilt, my head pounding from the tears mixing in between our mouths. "I'm so in love with you Mia, madly and hopelessly in love."

I pulled away from him with a harsh shake of my head, almost as if to drive out his words out of my mind, words that I'd wanted to hear, words that I'd never had the guts to say, words that mended my heart only to shatter me apart. He took a quick step but stopped with a flick of my finger up.

"You don't know anything about me." I let out the choked words, the back of my palm rose to wipe my tears.

"I know you enough."