- finally us || xiao x aether

[ xiao ]

what? someone who makes my heart flutter? a crush?

"i..." huh? why am i dragging it? i should just say no.

"so you do have one!"

"i didn't say anything."

"pfft, everyone knows, silence means yes. wait, not really but whatever. i think i saw you blush a bit!"

he's exaggerating. "no, i didn't. anyways, the answer is no, there's no one."

"sounds like a lie to me. so who's the lucky girl?"

...did lumine tell him? damn it, hutao..

"who said it was a girl."

silence. long silence.

...did i just come out myself? it's not really a coming out sentence but the meaning's the same. this.. this is too sudden, we should go home.

i stood up and grabbed my bag, then walked out the classroom.

"xiao wait!"
.
.
....almost there-

"hey you two!" hutao!

"why are you both panting? did you run?" really? i didn't even notice.

"jeez! xiao's a good runner. i'm exhausted."

"here, water. why'd you two run? a race?" lumine handed aether a water bottle.

"lmao, a race, really?" hutao looked at me. i just rolled my eyes.

"hahah, and i lost. i'll have to buy him snacks tomorrow." oh.. he's playing along.

"whaaat?? xiao took a challenge seriously, he would always ignore me when i ask him." not this again.

"at least it was snacks. not your weird challenges where the loser gets to wear a skirt to school." i shivered. not against guys wearing them but it's just not for me.

"boo! you can try and win, ya know?"

"knowing your competitive self, you won't back down."

"heh, you're so right."

"hey, aether, should we do that?"

"no"

"whaaat, come on! it's just a skirt."

"shut up. that's nothing to you so if you lost it wouldn't be satisfying."

"who said i was planning to lose?"

"fine! but your punishment would be heels."

"what!? i'm pretty sure that's against the school regulation!"

"what's that? a prankster caring about rules?"

"fuck you. bring it on."

"hah. that's what i thought."

"wow, they didn't even decide what challenge they're doing and they're talking about winning." look who's talking...

i might've escaped for today so aether might ask tomorrow.. it's fine. we're kinda the same so it's not that hard to admit it.

to admit that i like guys.

...

i couldn't sleep well last night yet it felt like the night passed by quickly. how am i already standing in front the school gate?

i'm going crazy.. i never came out to anyone before- not even my parents and.. hutao. damn it, i swear i'd tell her soon yet i kept dragging it.

and i'm annoying myself at how i feel scared of coming out to people who already came out?? is this normal? is feeling anxious part of the step? that would make sense.. since not everyone are understanding.

but this is hutao and aether we're talking about! why am i such a coward!?

"hey."

"gah."

"woah, didn't mean to scare you." a tall dude. decent features and a nice physique. though, he looks like a jerk.

"what is it..?"

"it's just that i noticed you've been standing there for a while now. if anything's troubling you, i can help." huh?

"o-oh. no, it's okay. i just spaced out a bit." i mean, thanks but i don't know this guy.

"sorry, it's awkward, huh? i'm tartaglia from the class beside yours." oh? i never noticed him though.

this is too awkward. "..xiao. how can you tell that something is troubling me?"

"hmmm.. let's just say.. it's something us gays can only do. heheh."

"g-gay? who?" what the? he knows?

he looks at me and bursts out laughing. "you're too cute, can i adopt you as my sibling?"

"are you joking around?"

"okay, okay, i'm sorry. i am gay, yes. though i wasn't entirely sure if you were one too because my gaydar isn't that accurate." gaydar...?

i'm so annoyed. "what do you want? am i suppose to go 'oh hey, i like boys too!' like it's something i can say so casually like you??"

"ah crap, i'm sorry..." shit, i overreacted.

"no.. no.. damn it, we just met and i'm getting mad at you."

"no please, forgive me, i approached you first talking about gay stuff. i didn't know you were closeted."

"...it's fine. thanks for understanding."

"of course! feel free to call me when you need advice! i know i showed a bad first impression but i'm nice, i swear!" where's this big brother energy coming from?

"okay.. i'll keep that in mind. see you around, tartaglia."

"bye bye!"

...

and of course, aside from accidentally coming out to aether. i came out to someone i just met. kinda.. he was the one who assumed i was gay with his 'gaydar' which was right.. agh, what's with me and my sexuality being revealed at the span of two days to two people. i bet hutao would kill me if she knew two people knew first.

who knew coming out was actually stressful. i wasn't even thinking about it at all until yesterday when aether looked at me confused after i outed myself.

"you've been sighing a lot? are you okay?"

it was a small break during class while we wait for our next subject teacher. it's aether, it'll be okay.

"sorry."

"why?"

"for running away. i just kinda said that and panicked."

aether smiled. "it's understandable, xiao."

"are you not going to ask what i meant?"

"do you want me too?"

i looked at him, he had a soft gentle look on his face. i feel safe talking to him.

"...mhm. yeah."

"..do you like guys? or both guys and gals?" he lowered his voice a bit to avoid anyone overhearing.

"guys..only." i lowered my head. i said it! i feel.. light? i feel like i just dropped something heavy and my head became more clear.

i felt a hand on the back of my head, he pats it gently.

"that's nice to know, thanks for telling me."

i looked at him, he was smiling. i smiled back. this moment felt warm. i wish we were like this for a little bit longer but our teacher arrived and we both went back to listening to our lecture.

...as much as i want to think about our cute moment together.. i finally left my closet. i knew i was gay since i was a kid but i never told anyone and never planned to. but actually, telling someone made me feel better. made me feel seen honestly since i kept it hidden for so long.

i plan to tell hutao too eventually, maybe today. i kinda feel guilty for not telling her hahah... lumine too. then i can tell tartaglia about it- wait, what the- do i have to??

also.. i have to figure out these feelings next.