- finally us || xiao x aether

[ aether ]

so... it wasn't completely one-sided. my assumption was wrong...again. but, it's a good thing this time!

i can't confirm yet if what i heard yesterday was right. i have to wait for xiao. seeing his reaction yesterday, i wasn't supposed to know. hopefully, he's okay. coming out isn't easy for everyone.

i'll listen to whatever xiao will tell me today! whether he'll tell me to forget about it, deny it, keep it a secret or admit it.. i'll respect his choice.

the teacher finally leaves. a chance! take it!

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...

i honestly want to cry- i just had to remember the first time i came out to my family. i was scared and crying non-stop but it all went well because i have awesome parents heheh.. it's a surprise but i came out first before lumine did. though unlike me, she came out with confidence which totally felt unfair since she knew already that our parents are accepting. but that's where i was wrong, the moment my parents hugged and accepted her, she started crying.

i wanted to talk to xiao more but i forgot about today...

"aether, this is gorou! the one i mentioned yesterday."

"hello.. nice to meet you" i look at him. it's the guy i locked eyes with yesterday. woah, i was right, he's cute.

"h-hi! nice to mee you too!" what the.. lumine wasn't lying when she said he had like an invisible tail.

lumine and gorou were sitting in front of each other so the seats beside them are unoccupied. i was about to take a sit beside lumine but she pulled xiao instead to sit beside her. i forgot why gorou was having lunch with us.. my bad heh.

"... where's hutao?" xiao asked.

"oh right! she said she had a meeting with her groupmates about their group project so yeah."

i was waiting for lumine to hand me my lunch since dad prepared them again for today but someone else handed them instead.

"heh.. please accept them, i cooked them myself." gorou handed me a lunchbox. it looks.. delicious.

"woah, really!? thank you so much. of course, i'll eat it."

"wow, even i didn't know about this. xiao, you can have aether's food then. it can't go to waste."

"...thanks." xiao's more quiet today. is he still worried about a while back? and he keeps staring at gorou.. is gorou his type?

i glanced at gorou and he was watching me eat his food.

i smiled, "it's good! you should eat too."

"ah! of course, sorry."

is xiao still looking? ack, why's he looking at me now? i could ask but i felt embarrassed and just continued eating.

why do i feel embarrassed?? is it because xiao's my type and gorou, the one who likes me, is trying to win me over? aghh, i don't get it.

but what i do get is... i have to turn down gorou soon.

...

we all finished our lunch early so we went back to our classrooms to wait. it was awkward but i really enjoyed gorou's cooking.

"do you like him?", xiao suddenly asks.

"w-what???" i forgot..again! when we were talking about crushes yesterday- i jokingly agreed that gorou was the one i had a crush on.

"i mean, if he is.. it looks like it can work out, i guess." damn it. now that i knows he's gay, it hurts more. am i not his type?

"haha..right. maybe." what am i saying?? i don't like gorou- he's cute but you're cuter!!

"looks like he gave you your number. he mentioned something about meeting on saturday if you're free? he really is going for it." i honestly can't read xiao right now. he's reading while saying these things. i thought he was curious, but his tone doesn't seem interested at all.

it sucks. i really don't want to be hurt badly again by a dude.

it was quiet for a while. xiao was studying while i thought hard about gorou's invite. is it better to reject gorou now or give him a chance and then politely say i like someone else? ugh, i hate thinking like this.

"so... are you going?" oh, so is he interested?

"should i? he's cute."

"...really? it's your choice." he's just staring at me but i can't look at him back, i feel guilty for some reason.

i just chuckled and didn't really tell him if i'm going or not. he didn't ask again so i didn't really mention it. so i guess he was just slightly interested.

...

"is something bothering you?" lumine asks. we're at our backyard watching our little sister, paimon, playing with our two dogs. both golden retrievers.

"my love life."

"nothing new. is this about gorou's invite? or you actually don't want to give up on xiao?"

"...both."

"gasp. is xiao that good? you usually don't get too attached to guys when you know you'll get hurt."

"yeah, i guess you can say that. but, it can just be his looks you know. maybe i'm just attracted to him and don't actually want to date him."

"what..? are you making up excuses again?"

"hahah.., you know me so well. i'm just confused if i should go or not?"

"why are you hesitating? are you really that serious about xiao? if not, why not give gorou a chance?"

am i serious about xiao? dating? being a couple? together? hugging him?

i remember his uninterested face when we talked a while back.

huh. i don't know.

"...it's understandable if you're still careful about dating guys. i can tell gorou you can't-"

"no. i'll go. i'll send him a text right now." it's decided, i will go.

"..okay, dear brother."

i can't believe a lot happened today. confirmed xiao's sexuality. met up with gorou, a guy who likes me. gorou and i exchanged numbers and asked me if i was free on saturday.

and yet im most bothered about xiao being uninterested about our talk a while ago. an overreaction, yes. but i can't help it. it reminds me of an ex who made the same expression when i was talking to him.

but then again! i'm not dating xiao so why would i compare it to that? agh, let's just see what life brings us.