If Only

Twenty Nine

"You ignore me half the time, basically live at your office to avoid me and when we do talk you're either sweet or mad at me. So you are damaging it without even knowing" he sighed looking at me

"Because I don't know how to act around you, you make me vulnerable at points that scare the shit out of me. I can't let you be my weakness but it's already too late. I'm afraid to stir things up with you, I didn't already realize I was-"

"You don't see me how I see you though, that's the difference. We are at different steps in our emotions in the relationship" he cut me off as his face changed

"Can we get out of here" I was confused but the look on his face was urging and I obliged. Without warning he intertwined our hands and grabbed my purse leaving Belles dorm without a word

We started to walk away from the dorm further into old campus "what are you doing"

"You'll see" he dragged me along till we made it outside some old building and an old man met us to unlock it as he looked scared of Nate

He opened the door stepping away and Nate took me inside, closing the doors "what are we doing?" He didn't speak to me "you need to communicate-"

"I'm showing you something" after we walked in silence till we made it to a wall of photos of alumni and soon he pointed to a photo

"There" I looked at it and a stupid smile formed on my face as I saw it "you look so different, so little"

It was him as a student smiling for a picture for some club "my freshman year at Yale almost 10 years ago, that boy was scared" he took a deep breath, god he looked nervous

"I was starting to build a name for myself on my own. Nothing scared me except for one thing till this day" I looked smiled at him teasingly

"Spiders?" I joked looking to the frame of the scrawny young man as he shook his head

"Love...." I looked back to him taking my eyes off the photo "loving someone scared me" he stared into my eyes

"Because I heard when you're in love. Truly and deeply they consume you. That person consumes your every thought, they are your weakness. So finding that person has been the scariest thing for me. Because all I want to do is love you, let you consume me fully but I told myself I shouldn't" he paused

"But it was too late, I want to do everything I can to protect you. I spend my entire day thinking about you. It scares the hell out of me, because I love you and I've never loved someone before. Because the fear of letting someone in and losing them" his eyes held pain with a story behind them

He looked like a scared little boy afraid of the future, but he loved me

"you love me" he nodded taking my hand

"I love you and only you, and it scares me so much. Because your just gonna leave me-" I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in for a kiss shaking my head

"even when I hate you, I can't stop loving you" I leaned my head on his chest as he kissed my forehead

"I have security footage... I didn't-"

"I know" I whispered "I don't need to see it, I know you didn't" I breathed against his lips as our eyes locked "Tesoro I love you" he placed a hand on my stomach, a rare occurrence