If Only

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Charlotte Crawford

He stood on our doorstep, looking almost homeless. His clothes were dirty and stained, and his beard was outgrown and drenched by passing rain.

"What do you mean?" I muttered, taking my eyes off of him. I didn't want to see what my father looked like or who he'd become. I fiddled with the manila envelope in my hand.

I could slam the door right now, but I heard the light rumble of thunder in the distance. Seeing his condition, I couldn't.

"James is my father. I saw the birth certificate. Belle and I are not your children," he gestured to the envelope again.

I hesitated opening it, but I needed this charade to end. Opening it, there was a paternity test, along with a crumpled aged piece of paper in her handwriting "This is-"

"Emma wrote me that letter; we had an affair for years, Charlotte. It was fucked up, I was a fucked up man. We were both in love with each other and-" I raised my hand to end his words as he spoke while my eyes stared at the letter

I saw her handwriting, and tears pooled in my eyes. The words she'd written here were all that he'd said; he was telling the truth. My world of continued lies was all solved in my hands.

"She cheated on her fiancé with me, and she despised your mother because I stayed with her. She wanted me to leave your mother Amara for her." My eyes shifted to Nate, to whom I handed the letter along with the documents.

"When she got pregnant again, I was sure Belle wasn't my daughter. But once I saw her, I needed to know the truth." he looked to the ground, ashamed of his past discretions.

"Amara... couldn't have kids-"

"So that's why mom hated us so much because we were you and Emma's children... so James-"

"James didn't know, not until you were born and I got you in custody." His matching dark brown eyes stared into mine as he pledged.

I crossed my arms, trying to replay the events that happened in my head, matching them up like a jigsaw puzzle.

"So then you killed Emma," I croaked out, "or attempted to kill her because of what?"

"I had her killed to protect you; I knew the people she was getting involved with.... the family she was marrying into, the Priamos family." he paused, moving his gaze from his fidgeting fingers to me.

"I couldn't put you in harm's way. The way I treated you growing up could never be forgiven. But I always wanted what was best for you; you must understand," he looked to Nate.

"So when Leonardo agreed to the arrangement after that meeting, I saw he didn't have an aggressive past. There was no signs of him having a relationship in the media, he admired you."

"And so you shipped your daughter off to the leader of the Italian mafia?" Nate's voice boomed behind me, taking me by surprise. "You're lucky I'm not crazy like the other leaders out there. I could've been insane, dangerous, I am dangerous, and yet you put your daughter into my arms."