Don't give up on me

MERRIWEATHER

It is the day of the Merriweather gig. At the moment we are outside enjoying the sun by the pool. Donnie was sitting with both feet in the pool while I had one leg in and the other foot on the side leaning up against my knee. We were joking and laughing away. Our love for each other has grown these last two years. I am always close to Jon cos he is my brother but Joe is like my best friend we bounce off each other like yin and yang. Donnie and Jon are the same to the point Donnie calls themselves Donathan. I guess the fans give us a name too Joedan I would say. Since we have known most of us since elementary school we are very close. As a band, we have been together for 37 years.

"Hey J, we need to talk about the 80s songs remix with that certain song".

He is joking right I'm not ready for that. Maybe next tour. I wish Donnie would stop asking me to do the act I did during our last tour in 2019. I am not confident. I feel a little self-conscious at the moment. I don't actually look like I did in 2019. I have put on a few pounds in certain areas. I am still carrying some post-quarantine weight.

"Come on J, the fans will love it".

"No".

"Oh come on J".

"I said no. I don't feel comfortable doing it at the moment. Stop asking me".

"Why not J?".

"I said no".

"Oh please".

"I don't feel comfortable doing it. I am still carrying some extra pounds from when we were in quarantine and not doing anything".

"But the fans".

"I said no". I get up and start to leave.

"Where are you going J?".

"Away from you pestering me".

"But you have to do Pour sugar on me. The fans J. Think of the fans".

"I said no" as I leave. I turn around to face him and say "What about how I feel".

I don't feel comfortable doing it not quite yet. I wish he would stop asking me. I will do it when I am ready not when they ask me to.
We have a few hours before the show. When back inside I put my mask back on. I am so not dealing with this new normal. It is so different so scary. I am so out of control with this. I walk through the room and stop at the tiny box on the wall containing some hand sanitiser. I rub it all over my hands. I am honestly waiting for Donnie to follow me but he doesn't. Which is lucky I don't want to see him especially if he is going to pester me over pulling my top over my head. I do a few times and suddenly they want it all the time. Argh!!!! What about me? And how do I feel about it? Don't I have a say?.

I am standing on the stage looking out towards the seating area where our fans will be sitting in a couple of hours. Behind the seating area is the lawn area. It's not our typical type of arena. Low key to start with until we do Fenway in a couple of days. I always love doing our hometown tours. But Fenway is kinda special. It still doesn't feel right. There is so much uncertainty out in the world. Here I am on stage wearing a mask and my hands covered in hand sanitiser. This is the new world now. No international fans will be joining as we are shut to the outside world. It's not right but we have to carry on. As I look out, I hear footsteps behind me.

" Time to go for VIP meet & Greet".

"Okay".

We were soon lined up in the order we normally do Danny, Donnie, Me, Joe and Jon. Such a strange feeling during the meet and greet everyone is masked up and smells of hand sanitiser. It's going to be like this for Fenway too. The first group comes in but no one knows what to do. A quick hello and a quick first bump then photos. I can tell that Donnie who was next to me tried hard to stop himself from hugging everyone. It doesn't feel like a meet and greets. It felt a little forced. I don't always like doing them, hey I love meeting them. I don't do well one-to-one. I am so different onstage than offstage. Then it was all over the last group had come and gone.

" That's it. I NEED A HUG RIGHT NOW!" comes a voice near me. I know who it is as suddenly I'm attacked into a hug. "Thanks, J. I need my hugs".

Donnie is hugging me a little too tight. All that comes out of my mouth is "hummmptttddtty".

I soon get out of the vice.

"Who is next?".

All you hear is.

" Oh, I need to get ready".

"Food is needed".

" I need to work out".

"GUYS". I get grabbed by my collar. " GROUP HUG".

"What about being six feet apart?".

" We are fine without that" replies a very happy Donnie "I have missed this".

SHOWTIME
First time in two years.

We could hear the opening beats of the opening song. Must be on the introduction as you could hear screaming. Nothing like the early days. It's a lot calmer now. You can hear yourself think lol. We belted out We were here and Single. We were all decked out in white pants and baseball jackets with sequences. I had a white tee shirt not the usual tank top I normally wear. Not ready for that yet. During summertime, I just pulled my jacket off while Joe was singing about it being hot. I am still feeling a little self-conscious because of the pandemic and doing much. Joe couldn't remember the words to Remix. I laughed that is usually me who does that.

It was Good to be back on stage but also a little nerve wrecking as it had been over 2 years since the mixtape tour we did in 2019. We did as many songs that we could. Like Donnie said our fans say they love our shows but we didn't sing that song or that song. So we did a medley and fitted as many as we could. The usual three songs finished it: I'll be loving you, Step by step and Hangin Tough.  As we got off the stage we felt it as soon as the adrenaline rush died down. We dragged our tired and hungry selves back to the hotel. Back to Boston tomorrow. 

Friday it's back to Boston, Fenway Park to be exact to do it all over again.