The Duchess and I

After we had our training practice, my body is all sore and I am glad to get a warm shower to loosen up my muscles. Christina is off to deal with my brother, which leaves me without a goal this midday and without the desire to do anything except contemplating what will happen between Christina and Elias. Will they get together again stronger than ever, because of the things I told Elias? Or will this be my moment of victory and will they break up? Strangely enough, I don't think I am happy with both endings.

Since my anxiety gets worse, because my mind keeps wandering around, I get up and walk to the drawing room, where I had seen a piano on my way to the library. I think music will heal my agitation while ordering my thoughts at the same time. The piano in Hastings Hill is an exclusive Fisher and touching the keys is like sinking away into cream. They react to the slightest touch and produce a magical sound. The piano shines so brightly I wonder if someone has been playing the instrument of late, because it looks brand new to me.

Since nobody's around I loosen up my fingers and start to play the song that's been going through my head the last couple of days. Christina is right. I am a jealous person. I never knew I was until I met her. Jealousy seems to be a constant companion since then. And now once more. Now she's probably making things right between her and Elias, I feel jealousy shows its ugly head.

And that's why I wrote down my feelings in a song:

If I were the moon, I could catch your eye.

I'm jealous of the moon.

If I were the wind, I would make you fly.

I'm jealous of that too.

I wish I were the sun shining on your face,

Caressing like a lover.

I would wrap you up in a warm embrace.

We'd be holding one another.

I'm jealous of the sun.

I don't want to share you with nothing else.

I've got to have you to myself.

I can't help it, I'm so in love.

I just can't get you close enough.

When the sun's on your skin,

I can't hold it in.

And I know it's a sin,

But I'm jealous of the sun.

The song's not finished yet. So, I stop for a moment thinking about all the things we've been through. I see the both of us dripping wet in the cottage, where I slowly began to realize in the middle of a thunderstorm how much I cared for Christina. So, I smile and add:

I wish I were the rain running down your neck

and dripping from your fingers.

Then I could be the drops rolling off your back.

I'd love to let it linger.

I'm jealous of the rain.

When it rains on your face,

I almost can taste

Your beauty, your grace.

I'm jealous of the rain.

When the wind is in your hair

The way it blows through the air

It's almost unfair.

I'm even jealous of the wind.

While I was playing, I noticed someone standing behind me. I know Christina's the one leaning against the doorpost watching me play. I don't dare to look at her. I am still too afraid of what I will read in her eyes. To see in her eyes the thing I dread the most. Besides, she wanted this weekend to be about us. To find out what we really wanted from each other. And I have sworn I would show her how I felt. So, with this next song the lyrics almost come on their own accord. I only have to focus on my fingers touching the right piano keys, while my voice forms the words: