Erkenci Ku? | Ke?ke

The photoshoot from hell seemed to be lasting for eternity. Every once in a while, Sanem would see Can looking up at her from his camera. She felt the distance and pain in his eyes. All Sanem could think about was how beautiful and loved she used to feel in Can's gaze. Now all she felt staring into those beautiful, brown eyes was loss.

Sanem thought about how his cold stare would be the last look she would ever get of Can ever again. The thought was overwhelming. She promised herself she wouldn't cry in front of him anymore, but it was exhausting trying to hold back her sorrow.

Finally, Sanem ran to the bathroom unable to hold back all her emotions and tears that were bubbling inside. She locked the door wishing no one would find her. Sanem made a vow in the mirror-she would not let anyone see her cry today, especially Can. She will be brave and strong and hold it together.

Sanem repeated out loud to her reflection, "You can do this. You can do this. Don't think about him."

Sanem's pep talk, though, was not helping her calm down. In fact, the more she said those words the more her heartbeat began to race, her breathing quickened, and she couldn't feel the air fill her lungs.

Sanem, lightheaded, felt the room closing in on her. She sat on the floor feeling as if she might pass out.

Sanem panicked and called Ayhan crying.

"Sanemcim?" Ayhan said, sounding concerned.

Sanem crying said, "I think I'm dyingAyhan!"

Sanem's sobs and gasps for air continued as she held her chest feeling her heart ready to explode.

Ayhan without skipping a beat said in a soothing voice, "Sanem, I know you FEEL you are dying but remember you can breathe. Just breathe with me ok? Let's breathe together."

"I can't," Sanem sobbed.

"Yes you can. Trust me kardesim. We can do this together," Ayhan said encouragingly.

"I'm scared."

"It's ok, put your hands on the floor- what do you feel?"

"Tiles- I'm... I'm in the bathroom."

"Ok close your eyes - what do they feel like?"

Sanem obeyed and closed her eyes and tried to feel what the tiles felt like.

"Cold, smooth..."

"Ok great. Are they big tiles?"

Ayhan continued the questions about what Sanem felt around her in the bathroom and slowly Sanem started to breathe more easily. The refocusing helped her to feel grounded again.

Sanem in a calmer voice, "I'm feeling a bit better."

Ayhan responded with concern, "I'm glad to hear that. Do you want to stay on the phone a bit more? "

" No, I think... I think I'm better."

"Ok great, are you ready to stand up yet?"

"I.. I think so."

"No rush, take it slowly."

Sanem slowly stood up and felt relieved she felt she could breathe normally again.

"I definitely feel better. Thank you Ayhan."

"I'm always here for you, kardesim, now go wash your face with some cool water and take your time facing the office again."

"I will."

Before Ayhan hung up she reitereated, "I'm going to call you at the airport."

Sanem smiled with gratitude knowing this was a statement not a question.

"ok."

Ayhan and Sanem hung up. Sanem thought about all the times Ayhan had been there for her and she felt privileged to have a friend like Ayhan who was always by her side. This realization gave Sanem the strength she needed to walk out and face Can once again.