bitter days of july | yang jungwon

—them

     Jungwon was restless. The only thing that took up all the space in his head was what he did that night. The night where he let his body take over, acting without thought.

He kissed July.

It was one kiss that made him feel like his whole world was crumbling. He couldn't tell whether in a good way, or bad way.

All he knew was that he'd never felt this way before, and it caused him to panic.

He's felt the same plain old feelings his whole life, and now he's finally experiencing something so unfamiliar to him.

The image of her played in his head over and over again.

The girl he called "Jiyoon", but knew as July.

The girl that had suddenly barged into his life on July.

July who cried, leaving a strange first impression.

The face she made when she finally realized what he had done. It was a look of surprise, but also love. It felt like she was telling him with her eyes that she finally felt free for just a little bit.

And here he was, contemplating his life decisions.

He should've left it at that, be proud of it at least. But no, he was scared. He was scared of himself and what he did. What he was capable of doing.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, the clock was about to hit 9:30 pm. The boy was contemplating whether he should show up or not.

Embarrassment never got the best of him until now.

He waited, frozen in spot as he watched his clock tick closer to 9:30.

And before it could even hit that hour, he rushed to get the device he was given the night before. He desperately searched for the pager in the drawer of his study table before getting ready to type in a message.

He took a deep breath, typing away.

Hey, I don't think I can make it today. —

Something came up. —

— Ah.

— Is that so

Are you already outside? —

— Mhm

— It's alright though ^_^

— Next time!!

He looked at her message, absolutely stunned.

He was hit with disappointment. He felt bad all of a sudden and didn't know what to do.

The boy had a million thoughts running in his head before he prepared to send a message.

Actually, wait there... —

Is what he wanted to send.

*backspace

He shut the thing closed before pouncing onto his bed, burying his face in his pillows in hopes of it hiding his humility.

"I'm an idiot." He muttered.

All he wanted was to see her, but at the same time he knew he couldn't face her this soon. He couldn't understand why he was feeling this way.