bitter days of july | yang jungwon

—him

What I didn't know that day, was how sudden it all happened.

I knew that the more I thought I had her secure in my hand, the less I realized that she could still slip through my fingers at any moment.

That day, reality had stepped out to me. I didn't ask for it. It reached out itself.

The time would come—and I knew it, but I didn't imagine for it to happen in a quick snap of a finger.

I expected it to happen slowly. And maybe it was happening slowly. Maybe, I have yet to experience all the grief that came with attaching myself onto her.

I was yet to experience the version of me that would open that stupid pager at random times. I had yet to experience the moments where I would visit that bridge without any further planning.

There were many things that were waiting for me.

On that day—the day I waited for more than an hour—I would feel the tips of my fingers get cold, as well as my toes.

I would wait until I decided that she wasn't going to show up. I would wonder if something happened to her, but think nothing of it. Then as I would walk back home, I would vividly remember the sounds of sirens that belonged to police cars.

I would wonder what could possibly bring them out at such a time when the sun is almost ready to rise.

The police cars would race their way to that neighborhood I had yet to step foot on. The neighborhood that belonged to that sweet, pretty girl.

The girl I was waiting for.

The girl I would continue to wait for.

And it was only until I heard it from the whispers of my classmates, and the repetitive sound of the news, that Jiyoon—no. July.

My July,

Would be involved in an accident that I couldn't save her from.

And I knew. Something in my gut told me that whatever was said to the public, wasn't even a bit of what really happened. There was more. There was more that these corrupted people decided not to share for the protection and image of the higher power.

It pissed me off so bad.

I wanted to hurt them.

I wanted to kill whoever made her do it.

Because July wouldn't have done that to herself if it weren't for the people around her.

Something had to have happened for her to hurt herself, to break through that precious skin that she protected so dearly.

It wouldn't be just out of the blue where she decides that it was all too much for her. July wouldn't have done that.

That would be the last option. I know it.

♡