bitter days of july | yang jungwon

15: first problem

But otherwise, it was quite literally the first time I've been abandoned. Abandoned without wanting to be abandoned. As in, I fucking cared.

All this expecting had worsened it for me. I missed her so much. I missed her being that famous girl in our class. But not so famous to the point that every damn person swarmed her. Like me. I wasn't one of them.

To July, I was something more than that. Sure, maybe I was an outlet for all her sufferings that she kept within herself, but we both knew it'd be a lie if we referred to each other as that.

So what was it that angered me every time she appeared on TV? Now she had glass skin and waved her hair around. Her key feature was her height, so she'd show it off by modelling in all sorts of different outfits. She got so many opportunities in America. Or maybe it was them who saw her potential.

Was it her striving in America with fame that annoyed me? Was it the fact that she was getting more and more popular by the minute that stopped her from contacting me that annoyed me? I really couldn't tell.

We helped each other, and soon enough I convinced myself that wanting her back was me being selfish.

The possibility of that pager being lost was high, yet I didn't want to believe it. I assumed that she left to escape from this place that treated her like garbage, but did that mean she had to leave me too...?

I stopped trying to bring her back. She'd only show up through that screen, or on an advertisement. She'd remind me that she existed by putting herself everywhere I went, just not physically.

It pained me. Because it felt like you moved on as if I was never here, yet I suffer having to remember and wonder why I ever talked to you.

You look happy.

But are you?

I tried to stop caring.

Yes. I tried to stop caring.

—the closing ceremony

I took one last painful glance at the empty seat that belonged to that girl.

July. Stupid July.

At times I'd take a long look at her desk and let my brain try and remember what it'd look like if she was there. I would try and envision her figure sitting and paying attention to the teacher. Posture straight and fully focused, just like she always was.

"Hey, Jungwon! Close the lights once you leave." One of my classmates reminded me. I was the last to leave since I was still busy "cleaning my desk." I nodded at them before they rushed out. I remembered her, and not for anything good.

She would be one of the few students that would swarm July every lunch, 'admiring' her for all her achievements. Really, they were all just jealous and played it off by being nice and asking her all sorts of questions. I saw right through it.

Soon enough, once July made it on the news and left school, they all turned their backs.

      "Rumour has it that she was about to— or got assaulted by one of her workers, so she made a whole commotion when her mother didn't believe her to the point that she cut herself."

I was not too far from them, so I could overhear their conversations quite clearly. My friends and I were sitting at the desks a row up from them.

Another girl shivered. "Jeez. I bet she enticed him." They all started laughing as if they weren't all friendly with her two weeks ago. "With her long legs and pale skin." She added, posing to mock her.

This made me raise a brow. Enticed? She's fucking fourteen. Why would she entice anyone that isn't her age?

"I guess she's just the type of person to do that." The girl laughed. "I mean, look at her. She used her mature looks to get a role for that high school drama."

I stood up abruptly, making those girls turn their heads at me.

"Jungwon..?" One girl called, her smile almost fading.

I looked at all of them dead in the eye. I wouldn't have done this if I hadn't met July. Heck, I wouldn't even give a crap about what they were saying if it weren't for her.

"You guys have no dignity." I glared, even scoffing. "I hope you're all aware of how hypocritical you all are." After that, I walked out of the classroom. I'd rather be anywhere but in that room full of people I never even liked.

     They stopped talking about her in front of me after that. I was satisfied, but not enough for me to receive their forgiveness. They were shocked that they got someone like me to get mad. Jay and Sunoo were also surprised. But what did that even mean?

Someone like me... a person who doesn't want to get involved in drama. A person who pretends to care about everyone. A person who lies. That was the type of person they didn't expect to get mad.

After all, I didn't have a problem with any of my classmates until now.

Except for July.

She was my first problem. The moment I ran back into the classroom to make sure she was okay was when she turned into my problem.

July was my first problem.

And I wanted her to be my last.

♡