Can't Let You Go

***TALLY/HONEY***

"Food's here!" I sing-song as I walk in Zayan's door for the first time in weeks.

"Yum! Smells good." Zayan comes running over. "What did you get?" Taking the bags from my hands, he peeks inside as he heads towards the kitchen.

"Not even a hug for me? Who do you love best, food or me?"

"Food of course Baby Girl, but you're a close third."

"Third?!"

"Food, clothes, Honey." He runs back to me and gives me a big, wet smooch on the cheek.

I make a big deal of rubbing his slobber off my face while he sets all the takeout containers on the dining table.

"I got a little bit of everything." I start opening lids. "I miss living here with you, Babe. I'm always on eggshells at my Dad's house." We dig straight in, not bothering with plates. "The only good thing about it are the few minutes I get with Jake when I read him a bedtime story, if I get home before the nanny puts him to bed."

"Aww. I want you back, too, but this is for the greater good of your future. Right?"

Answering with only a head nod doesn't prevent Zayan from seeing right through me.

"Spill. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing is bothering me. I'm spending time with my dad and brother, getting to know them both. Work is good, I actually like some of it. My fake fiance is better than any real boyfriend I've ever had. And I live in the same city as you again."

"Oh, I see." He bites into a doughnut. I knew that would be the first thing he ate. He'll eat half of it now and half of it at the end of the meal.

"See what?"

"'Better than any real boyfriend?' This is about Ashton. Did you see him recently? Was he a dick again?"

"I haven't seen him again. It's just that since the last time, I've been taking stock of myself. I need to own my part in what happened with him."

"What part? You did nothing wrong."

"Yes, I did. I idealized the future and attached to that instead of paying attention to the reality of the relationship. I made a habit of it actually."

"Oh, that. Yeah, you did do that. Ashton, James, Umberto, and what was the fourth guy's name?"

"Hey, the fourth guy doesn't count. We'd barely started when I got shipped off to Korea."

"Alright, fine whatshisname doesn't count. Is this about my Jaanu?"

"No, it's not about Liam. I know what our future is. The same as it always has been. The same as my future with you."

"Sorry Sweets, but when it comes to you and I, friends-with-benefits only includes access to my wardrobe."

I laugh and throw a french fry at him, which he immediately tosses back.

"So, why are you thinking about this?"

"I thought I'd done a good job of erasing everything about Ashton except the hurt. After seeing him twice now, I've been remembering how happy we were before Emily came into our lives. He's still with her, so that's something I guess, but he doesn't seem all that happy to me."

"Serves him right. I mean, I miss him and the old days, but still... What's that got to do with you?"

"Don't you think Ashton and I play the same role in our relationships? We're the person who has more love to give than the other."