Can't Let You Go

Chapter 43

I put my arm around her shoulders. "Hey Quill. Tally's showing me your favorite park today." I start off the ceremony in the informal manner that Tally has adapted the traditions to.

"Yep, we're back in Alaris," she tells him. "I haven't made much progress, yet, but I'm here to block Bethany from stealing Savis from the family. Oh! Family. I should have brought our little brother today. I'm sorry. I don't think I've even mentioned him. If you can forget that Bethany is his mother, you'll find he's quite loveable. I think you'd like him. He's four, his name is Jacob Arthur, like Dad, but he goes by Jake."

I wipe a tear from her cheek.

"I brought the snacks you used to buy near our house. There's the giant pretzel. The same old guy is still selling them. I think he must have started looking old when he was like twenty and then never changed." She laughs. "Here's a hotdog with everything. A choco glazed," she points to a doughnut. "And a chicken empanada. I think the restaurant this cart is connected to is different than it was, but it probably tastes good. I'll let you know later. I just brought you soda to drink since we're at a playground. Sorry, I'll be in Korea for the next Seollal, so I'll make it up to you then."

Like she's done in the past, once the incense stick has burned down, we consume the offerings. Everything is cold now, but we each take our half and dutifully eat it, even the hotdog. We sit in silence for a while watching the families. Some of them had checked us out when we were doing the ceremony, but Alarisites aren't phased by much so no one openly gawked. As the end of the hour approaches, she repacks her bag.

"Come on, I've got another place to show you." She leads the way to another spot in the park.

"I know this place." I pause our steps and take her hand. "Everyone knows this place. It's like, to get a permit to film a romantic movie set in Alaris, they're required to shoot a scene on this bridge."

Tally laughs, "I know right? But this is not our destination."

We cross the bridge and follow a dry artificial stream deeper into the park. When the temperature is right, it's full of water propelled by fountains. Eventually I can see a small pond, ringed by weeping willows. There's also planting beds and a meandering path under other trees.

She wraps her arms around me from the side as we stand looking over the budding leaves and pale spring shoots of early blooming bulbs. "This is my personal favorite place in the park. It's too early in the year, but later it will be in its full splendor. Something about it is magical to me. I always felt like anything could happen, that every good thing was possible."

"I get what you mean." I kiss the top of her head.

When I get back home after dropping Tally off, I find Emily sitting in the hallway in front of my door. She scrambles to stand when she sees me. I turn to leave.

"Wait. Please, Will."

I sigh and hang my head for a moment before turning around. "What?"

"I came to apologize. I was being extremely petty and immature the other day in your office. You probably don't know, because you're seldom home, but I stop by here a lot. When I had the chance to see you, I was so excited. When you rebuffed me, it stung so badly and I lashed out. I hope you know I would never do anything that would jeopardize your reputation at work."

What I know is that I can't trust her words.

"Can you forgive me?" She reaches out and holds the hem of my jacket, looking like she might cry.

"Fine."

Before I can do or say anything else, she's wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder. I start pushing her off, but she holds tight.

"Thank you Will. That means so much to me."

I get her off me and step out of her reach. "I'm just forgiving you for making a scene at my office. Not for everything else."

"But one day, I'll earn your forgiveness for it all. I promise. I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you."

"That's neither needed nor wanted."

"Please, Will. I know some things have changed between us, but I've missed you every moment we were apart. I had been convinced I was doing the right thing and that our love would endure a little testing. I wasn't gone long before I reached out to you, but you'd changed your number. I even found one of your old partners and he told me you'd moved away. Look, even if it has turned into love between friends, don't let our sacrifice be for nothing."

Standing still, I look her squarely in the eyes, something I haven't done in all the times I've seen her recently. I was afraid of seeing what I see now - the same young woman I loved six years ago.

"You're being too pushy, Emily, bombarding me with your presence. It makes me uncomfortable. Can you please back off?"

"Yes, I can do that. I'll give you a little space and let you get used to me gradually, at your own pace. But you are too important to me to just let you go and I hate the thought that I've lost you to someone else. It just made me anxious and overeager. Sorry."

"You're with someone else, too. It's not only me who moved on."

"But I didn't, not really. Ashton knows what's in my heart. He's been so good to me all this time and I'm trying to not hurt him, but I can't deny how I feel. Even if it's too late for you and me."

She takes a step towards me so I take a step back.

"You've said your piece, now if you don't mind I have things to do today."

"Oh, yeah. Of course. I've also got things to do and I let several hours pass by as I sat here waiting for you. But it was worth it."

I open my door, careful to block Emily's view of the keypad, and enter the home I once thought we would share, without saying goodbye.