Rules, not Guidelines, for Interaction with & within Second Years

1. If you've been talking with Ichinose recently, avoid going out alone ever. For few weeks, at least. When you hear growling, you're allowed to have a sleepover with friends. Just message your homeroom instructor.

2. No, just because you heard stories about Ryuuen killing snakes doesn't mean girls are allowed to ask him to smash some snakeish guys. Or hit on you girls (Admit you're thirsty, no excuses).

3. If you see who keeps writing nepotism in English on Sakayanagi Arisu's door please inform a teacher. Yes, you will get points. And no, Ryuuen, don't try to blame it on Horikita Suzune just because Chairman kindly chooses to not punish anyone.

4. Do not ask Hirata to take care of your plants. His only source of plant care knowledge is Ayanokouji who is as fickle as Ichinose is prone to making friends. The responsibility is on you if the plant spits acids on you during some night.

5. Please be considerate when doing cosplay outside classes. Be especially considerate to not ask Katsuragi to cosplay Saitama; you would have to face the wrath of the student council president (even if the fault lies, primarily, on Ryuuen and, secondarily, on Ayanokouji).

6. We respect your beliefs, but avoid spreading rumors of 'Silver-Haired Library Ghost Who Gifted me Mystery Books'. For one: there's no such thing. 2: we do not particularly encourage romantic relationships, but perhaps you might be due some search. 3: if your condition has deteriorated to such an extent, we would be sorry to send you back to parents/guardian for required treatment.

7. Do not believe the snake-themed letters about having to pay loans to some adults staff on the school grounds for loss in business. (Unless you want to be stupid, in which case—feel free to pay off student debt as if an American student.) There's no some business. Read your contracts, we know your parents didn't either.

8. If a blonde senpai asks you to carry her bags, first ask her name. If she doesn't answers 'Karuizawa Kei', feel free to do as you wish. But if she does, quickly make a run to call Ayanokouji. You can't carry a tenth of her purchases. Our specialists doesn't need another need to worry about another student's muscles tearing under the sheer weight.

9. Do not follow any of your senpai in calling anyone the following titles: Great King, My Liege, High Emperor, Benevolent Lord. Especially, do not create any doujins in any form.

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A/N:

Random crack stuff. Consider it an AU I guess. Hope you found something funny in my dead humor at least.

I've no idea if "snakeish" is a word. Yet.