Brewed to Perfection

If Karma existed that asshole would be balding with a beer gut. But no, Benjamin was objectively a ten out of ten.

I intensively looked at myself and thought of everything he could potentially take the piss out of. Sure I'd gained weight since high school, but wasn't that normal? I'd also stopped bleaching my hair, so my hair was a muddy light brown colour. Basically the colour of shit.

Everything he used to laugh and tease me about, back when we were both at school was definitely worse now. Even my skin hadn't cleared up, I thought people were supposed to wave goodbye to spotty faces after the age of eighteen. Apparently not.

I was worse looking than how Benjamin had last known me. And I had to pretend I didn't even recognise him. I was embarrassed to be reunited with him. It made my guts turn. Even my soul felt slightly crushed.

I didn't like to think of Benjamin often. Whenever I did, it was unintentional. In my dreams, I'd wake up embarrassed I had envisioned him.

He appeared in my instagram feed around two years ago, when a girl I was sort of friends with in high school posted a photo of herself, with Benjamin and two of the other awful guys I also had the displeasure of knowing.

When I saw the photo I willed myself to keep scrolling. Nope, I wouldn't stop just to see what these little fuckers looked like now. I didn't care.

But I did.

So when Sally Rothram posted a picture of her snuggling with Benjamin and his awful little gang, I couldn't help but pause over the photo and analyse it until I felt awful.

It was a black and white photo, and looked like it had been taken on a 'night out.' Something I couldn't relate to. My idea of a night out is walking to Tesco after my shift, grabbing a bottle of white wine (preferably less than £5) and treating myself to a share size bag of crisps.

I never did the 'going out socially' thing, but it didn't surprise me Benjamin was still fluttering around clubs and bars like the little social butterfly he was. Ugh, even comparing him to a butterfly felt wrong, he didn't deserve that comparison. He was more like an evil moth.

When we were in the last few years of high school, Benjamin would always have house parties at his Dad's place. He was some hot shot businessman who was basically a walking, talking cliche.

It was safe to say I wasn't necessarily surprised to see a photo of Benjamin appear on my instagram feed, but what was surprising was Sally hanging around with him.

In the photo, Benjamin's hair looked perfect while he smiled into the camera lens. He was seated in some outdoor booth with one of his hands wrapped around Sally's waist and the other holding a pint. It made me feel sick.

She had to know what kind of a person he really was. She had seen how he treated me.But that obviously meant fuck all when the 'hottest guy in school' wanted to wrap his hands around your waist. What a sellout.

After seeing the photo, I still prayed to God above that Benjamin Lovat would eventually be a blip in my life. Someone i didn't stop to zoom in closer in a picture he was tagged in.

Once I left high school I never worried about seeing him around town, or even walking into Brewtiful. My friend Charlie told me that Benjamin had gone off to University to study economics.

He was far, far away which was just where I liked him.

In the last year I was actually proud of myself; I hadn't thought of Benjamin much. 

I never checked his social media, I didn't even see him in my dreams as often. The only time I would think of Benjamin was every time i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and didn't like what I saw. When that happened, I could see and hear him perfectly.