Brewed to Perfection

I was still sleeping in my bed. That was the only explanation. I simply wouldn't allow the alternative to be true.

Benjamin did not just call my name from my front door.

I kept repeating that in my head, hoping I'd believe it. My brain couldn't figure out which feeling was more overpowering. The urge to scream, cry, throw up, or hit something.

I felt sick all over, but anger was pumping through my body. The audacity he had to show up to my home after everything that happened this morning. It was baffling.

I stayed quiet, reaching for my tv remote to mute the screen. I didn't want to hear him call my name again, i needed him to believe the house was empty.

"Maeve, I know you're in there. Your mum told me on the phone when you go back home." The voice spoke loudly whilst lightly tapping on the front door.

I didn't believe a single word out of this fuckers mouth.

"I'm not leaving until you open the door" he said again, after a few moments of silence.

I stayed perfectly still on my sofa, unsure what I was going to do. I didn't want some pathetic confrontation, he had taken enough time out of my life. I didn't really want to waste another second talking to him.

But from the continual tapping noise on the door, I could tell he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

I sat up from my slouched position, deciding not to look at my reflection in the hallway mirror and headed towards the kitchen again.

I couldn't remember if mum still had eggs in the cupboard but I prayed. He could stand there all night, but I could also throw eggs at him out of a window. It seemed only fair.

"Please, just open the door." The annoying voice pleaded. I almost laughed, he really had never experienced someone saying 'no' to him.

To my dismay, there were no eggs in the cupboard. I was going to have to find a better alternative.

-

I tied the blanket wrapped around my waist a little tighter before heading down the hallway to the front door. If he wouldn't go away. I'd make him.

I unlocked the door, holding the object I grabbed from the kitchen in my other hand tightly.

The porch light was on and just like earlier today, when I opened the front door Benjamin was standing with what could only be described as a golden glow reflected on his face.

This time, it wasn't his beauty that I noticed, it was my own disgust.

Unlike me, Benjamin looked completely flawless, not like someone who was deathly hungover hours ago.

Benjamin's face always looked so perfect, but I didn't really see it anymore. It was like looking at a robot.

The pain and anger I thought would rush to the surface when I saw him again, never showed. I was bored. Even my body couldn't force another reaction to this shit anymore.

I kept my expression as blank as I felt, as I stared at Benjamin who had my purse tucked under his arm.

Since the last time I saw him, he had managed to find some clothes and from his face, maybe some guilt too. If only I cared.

Seeing him on my front porch reminded me of prom night, and if there were any part of me that wasn't completely broken as of yet, it was now official. I was dead inside.

My voice remained flat, "What do you want?"

He looked confused. Which was annoying because I was the one who should be looking confused.

He reached for my purse and held it out towards me, "You left this at Bev's"

I grabbed it out of his hands and went to shut the door again.

"Maeve. I just got on three different buses to get here and you're shutting the door in my face?"

I groaned, annoyed at his attitude. "Fuck off Benjamin. Seriously. I don't want to see your face, hear your voice, or be in the same vicinity as you for a very very long time."

I continued closing the door, this time more committed than before.

It was almost shut before a black boot stopped it.

"Can I explain?" he pleaded, his eyes searching into mine.

I don't know what he was looking for, maybe trying to see if he could worm his way in again with empty words. Sadly for him, my walls were fully up and had no intention of falling down. Especially for him.

"I told you. I never wanted to see you." I tried to tell him confidently, but the words fell off my lips as quiet as a whisper.

"I asked you to leave me alone. Why can't you just do that? I don't want any apologies or explanations. I just want all of this to finally end."

Benjamin's brows furrowed deeper, as I continued on. "I've been dealing with you and all this shit since I was a literal child. You drained me then, and you've drained me fully now. Isn't that good enough? Just go!"

I felt overwhelmed all of a sudden, with anger and pure unadulterated sadness boiling within. Bubbling to the surface I tried desperately not to cry again.

Despite his foot still being wedged in my front door, I reached for the handle and repeatedly yanked the handle to close the door. It was going nowhere but it felt good to let out all my frustration. Even if it was just on his foot.

"I've been the worst version of myself for years, I honestly don't know who I am or who I used to be, anymore." His sudden confession stopped me in my tracks.

"What are you talking about?"

"Benjamin, you can't do this. I can't-"

Before I could finish my sentence, Benjamin suddenly fell forward, eyes closed and face flat. His entire body fell into my half opened front door with a loud bang.

"BENJAMIN!" I shrieked.