Brewed to Perfection

Benjamin walked directly behind me, I could feel him.

"Wait a minute will you?" he whispered, it felt as though he was whispering directly into my ear.

"I-I I'm just getting you some -" I was going to say Haribo when Benjamins fingers grasped my arm. Suddenly no words would form on my lips.

"I didn't come here so you would act as my caregiver" Benjamin whispered and I still didn't have the courage to turn and look him in the eyes directly.

"W-what did you come here for then?"

Benjamin exhaled. "Look Maeve, I was an ass."

I turned to face him, his eyes focused on my wooden flooring.

"Tell me something i don't know"

I was expecting him to chuckle but his face remained solemn. "I've been rude, selfish, arrogant, mean, cruel, thoughtless- the list goes on. But I wasn't always this way, and I think I finally want you to know that."

"I don't understand you Ben." I admitted honestly.

"Not to sound too cliche, but I feel like you're giving me major whiplash."

Benjamin looked up from the ground, his fingers gently wrapped around my wrist.

"I don't know him. Not really, the only way I can describe it is like- well it's like he's a nail polish." Benjamin pulled me back towards the sofa. Following, we both were seated inches away from each other.

I looked at him, confused. "I don't know what you're saying."

Benjamin pursed his lips slightly, looking across the room. There wasn't anything interesting there. Just a plain cream wall.

"I think of him as dark grey nail polish. Covering what's underneath. But that's not really what's there. I can take it on and off as I please but I can't remember the last time I went outside without it on."

"You wear nail polish?" I asked, quickly looking at his fingernails in case I had been entirely blind and missed that fun fact about benjamin.

His brown eyes were back on me, "no. He's the nail polish." he repeated, gesturing at himself. "Benny is the dark grey colour covering who I really am."

He let out a quick puff of air. "I've gotten so used to wearing it, I don't know what's really underneath anymore."

My face scrunched as I started understanding his metaphor. "So what you're saying is I've only ever seen the version of you that you wanted me to see?"

He nodded.

"And that's not who you really are?"

He nodded again.

I shook my head, hoping to the Lord above to grant me some patience.

"Forgive me if I find this difficult to believe but you have only ever brought hurt, pain and cruelty into my life. Do you not understand what that does to someone? For how long I used to wish at night to not wake up so I wouldn't have to face you in school? How little confidence I have because of who YOU made me believe I am."

I let out a laugh, "And now... now what?- im to believe that you've been playing the part of cruel bully #1 the entire time i've known you and now your tired and want to be someone else. Someone, even you, arent even sure who they are. Sorry to be the person to ask you this, but what if this-"

I gestured towards him, using my hand to motion all around.

"What if this IS who you really are. What if... when you wipe off the dark grey nail polish, there's a black nail underneath."

Benjamin pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. His response was muffled. "That's what i've been wondering too."

I sat quickly up and away from him. It was too much. All of this was too much.

"You know I can't be around to figure that out Benjamin. I'm afraid that would well and truly kill me. This isn't something anyone else is going to reveal to you. You need to do it alone."

I inhaled deeply. The words are difficult to free from my mouth. "You need to leave me alone."

My eyes started to burn.