Savior | ?*REWRITE*? MELLO X OC

Tw: child abuse/drugs
Willow

Therapy always started off with the same bullshit. I had no idea what to say to Del, honestly. There were times where I was okay, but other times I just wanted the world to explode. There's a fire growing inside me, and it's only a matter of time before I just spontaneously combust.

I was angry over my bullshit childhood, I was robbed of a normal life. But damn near nothing about me was normal. Not my feelings, not my bullshit life, not the abuse I endured, nothing. The world was my enemy, and sometimes I made that everyone's problem. But that's not exactly healthy, is it?

"And how's your social life, are you still getting anxiety?" Del crossed her legs, and tapped her pen on the clipboard.

"Almost always," I sighed. "I'm always on edge, you know? I always feel like something bad is going to happen, I just expect it at this point. My guard is always up, just in case."

"And your social life?" She lifted her gaze back to her clipboard, jotting something down.

"It's fine, I have Matty and Mello. Occasionally L and Near, too."

"You don't have any female friends?" I shake my head no, and averted my gaze. Sometimes, therapy was awkward. I know I should've had some girl friends, and truthfully I felt pathetic for not having any. I have the boys, and that's good enough for me. So what if I didn't have someone to paint my nails with? I don't care to talk about boys either. I could paint Matt's nails black, and complain to Mello about stupid assholes. A win is a win.

"Never had one, it's always just been Me 'n Matt. I mean, Mello now too. No girls ever tried to be my friend. You're the closest I've ever had to one, and you're my therapist. Lynn would put a bounty on my head if that meant she could be Mels friend, so I don't exactly have a good track record."

"It's good that you have them, but it might be time to broaden your horizons, kiddo. Maybe having a girl friend might help you more, us women typically understand each other more than men do. Plus, doing girl stuff is fun!" She smiled warmly, speaking calm. "Do you think you might be scared to get close to people because of your parents? When you got here, it was hard getting close to Mello, but you did it." She has a point.

"Yeah, that's probably true. I mean I was raised, or I guess I should say lived under the same roof with two crackheads my whole life, so yeah I'm blaming them. Mom literally tried to sell me, and dad offered us up to his dealer because he couldn't pay 'em. Love was never present in my life from anyone other than Matt, he never betrayed me. He never hurt me, he protected me. And that's what really hurts, Del. Instead of my mom tucking me in at night, or my dad keeping me safe, it was always Matt. Never them, not a single goddamn time in my life have I ever had a parent. I was a mistake, an unlovable mistake." My eyes watered a bit as I spewed the word vomit out, I hate crying. It made me feel weak and vulnerable.

Del was silent for a moment, I felt her gaze on me as I looked the other direction. The posters on her walls were, you guessed it, more inspirational quotes, mental health awareness, yada yada. The walls were wooden, the carpet smelled clean, and overall it's a nice room. Furniture is basically brand new, even the chair I've been using for three years.

Del usually wouldn't acknowledge when I was crying, she knew that if she did, I'd probably just breakdown and sob. Happened once before, it was terrible. But she was so kind, and it made me feel a little safer.

"Willow, you need to understand that what happened to you two was unfair, it is not your fault. You two are amazing, smart, and kind kids that unfortunately dealt with some horrible people who made you feel that way. You were not a mistake, and you are not unlovable darling. You have two people in your life right now that care for you deeply, four if you're counting L and Near. But what Matt did for you, that's love doll. There are some bad people out there, but there are good ones too." Her words are reassuring, but part of me just doesn't want to believe it.