Savior | ?*REWRITE*? MELLO X OC

Chapter Five: Holly

"Probably that girl I seen him with." He looked at me as I brushed my hair, and my face felt a little warm.

"She cute? You guys gonna fight over the new girl?" I asked, half jokingly.

"Not my type, but definitely Matts." He broke eye contact and looked out the window again at the still pouring rain, it didn't stop at all apparently. The sound of rain hitting the window continued, which was honestly a comforting sound most of the time. Sometimes storms made me think of that night, and it sends a shiver down my spine just being reminded of it. As much as I tried to ignore it and forget, it would forever haunt me. Some days were easier than others and some days were absolutely unbearable. I wasn't the same after that, and felt like I'd never be free of my past. The thunder hit loud and hard, causing me to jump. Mello curved his eyebrows and looked at me, concerned.

And in an instant, anxiety began to wash over me, because of the memory and because of the god awful hangover, everything felt a lot more intense emotion wise. My muscles tensed a little, and images just flashed through my head. I was still shaky, and was hoping my medicine would calm me down quickly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just hungover and on edge. Storms freak me out sometimes." The sky was getting dark again, and we just talked for awhile before deciding to get up for the day. While I showered, Mello cleaned up my room a little since there were bottles of shooters and wrappers from snacks everywhere, from him and Matt both.

Hot showers usually helped, steam filled my bathroom as I sat at the bottom of the shower with my knees to my chest. My wet hair dripped, and my eyes were starting to as well. My mind being stuck in the past, being hungover, and having horrible anxiety over what I did or said the previous night was making me slightly panic, a lot more than normal.

What the fuck did I even say to Lynn? And how'd I get to my room? Jesus fuck, you're a mess Willow. You can't even deal with a storm without feeling impending doom. Pathetic.

I sniffled, trying to keep myself from uncontrollably sobbing so Mello didn't hear me. The last thing I wanted was to worry him or cause anymore unnecessary attention, the night before was enough. The tears were streaming down my cheeks, but I did my best to stay quiet as I finished up showering. I may be a wreck right now, but at least I smell like vanilla. Breathe and calm down, it's okay for now.

Or is it?

Fuck

Trauma was a bitch, one moment things are fine and the next moment something small triggers something and I'm invaded by memories of my past. No idea how long I sat in there and cried, but I knew it was time to get out when the water started to get cold. Instantly turning the water off, I wrapped myself in a towel and shivered. My bathroom was basic and small, there was a bathtub so it was a win for me. The steam coated the mirror, and I slid my hand over it to take a good look at myself.

I wanted to punch my reflection, I hated seeing the person looking back at me. Bags were present under my eyes, and the whites were a little bloodshot from crying. Maybe I deserved to feel that way, but it was too much to deal with so I'd resort to other things to temporarily take the pain on the inside away and made me hurt on the outside.
*
There was a small spot in my drawer where I kept my hair products, along with a few blades that were usually used to cut my hair. However, one had a different purpose that I kept to myself and nobody else, not even my therapist knew. I was ashamed afterwards, but in the middle of the act, it didn't feel shameful because it was moving the pain to a different part of me. What I thought was helping was actually making it worse, but I did it anyways without thinking of the possible repercussions that came with it.