?Massive tmf/shiz/rant/vent dump book?

So...idk what to say tbh. Had another fallout with my m*m ig. I don't even think I can call her my m*m anymore...

I feel unsafe. She hit my and got mad I defended myself by scratching her so she hit me harder. I cried for almost an hour and it was hard to see and breathe. I actually had to take repeated breaths bcs of it. She had done this before, but yesterday was the first time I've ever reacted like that. It was scary and I couldn't stop shaking, which scared me even more. I basically hyperventilated while at the shower.

So what happened was that my br*ther told my m*m that he needed to use my dad's laptop for some slideshow, but I never said he could bcs I myself had to use it for my own work. And recently I have been sleeping late bcs I've been staying up while doing homework. Maybe around 1am-4am was when I went to sleep or stayed up.

So...she yelled at me and said I was being selfish. But she's a fucking retarded whore bcs either way he was going to do it in the end.

Man idk what to do I'm so scared and am crying so hard while writing this...I wanna live with my dad but I have a feeling I'll be a burden. She aid it herself, she wants me out of the house even though it's not hers in the first place. 

And my br*ther left with my dad bcs they're going on a trip to anther province up until Sunday, so I'll have to spend the entire weekend alone with her if it weren't due to the fact I'm currently on my period, hence why I didn't go with my dad.

I may regret not going bcs I feel so uneasy and unsafe.

I hate my m*m. 

I hate my br*ther. 

And I hate myself for being such a useless piece of shit. I'm a waste of sperm and I shouldn't even be alive right now. I'm sorry guys. I'll try not to do anything, but no promises.