Connection

The walk home felt longer than usual. Each step felt heavy, like my shoes were filled with lead, and the familiar streets blurred together as my mind spiraled.

Why did this happen again? I thought I'd escaped all of it when I transferred. New school, new start — wasn't that how it was supposed to go? But now I wasn't so sure.

Barron's smug grin replayed in my mind, his voice taunting me, his hands yanking at my collar. Ruffling the area of my hair he yanked. I winced at the memory, It was too familiar, too much like the school I'd left behind.

Maybe this school wasn't any better. Maybe the bullying wasn't over.
Maybe it never would be.

And Tyler .. why did he step in? He didn't even like me, I could barely get a full sentence out of him most days, and yet he'd defended me. It didn't make sense — Was it just some sense of obligation? Did he feel sorry for me?

My thoughts spiraled darker, the weight pressing down on my chest as doubts crept in.
What if I couldn't handle this school either? What if it broke me again?

I swallowed hard, trying to push the memories away, but they surged forward like a tidal wave. The nights spent staring at the ceiling, the way I used to punish myself for not being enough, for not standing up for myself, for just existing. The razor blades I'd hidden in the back of my drawer, the ones I thought I'd thrown out for good.

The gnawing ache in my stomach when I skipped meals, convincing myself I didn't deserve to eat. I thought I'd left all of that behind. But now, I wasn't so sure.

By the time I reached my grandparents' house, my throat felt tight, and my face was hot, though I hadn't even cried yet. My hand trembled as I pushed open the front door. The smell of dinner wafted from the kitchen, but it only made my stomach turn.

My grandparents were seated at the dining table, as they always were, their warm smiles lighting up when they saw me.

"How was school, Logan?" Grandpa asked, his tone as cheerful as ever.
I forced a smile, though it felt like it was cracking my face in half. "It was okay," I mumbled, shrugging as I avoided his eyes.

Grandma stood, gesturing toward the kitchen. "Dinner's almost ready. Your favorite tonight — spaghetti and garlic bread!"

My stomach churned, guilt pressing in alongside the nausea. "I'm not really hungry," I said quietly, gripping the strap of my backpack. "I think I'll skip dinner tonight."

Both of them looked at me, concern flashing across their faces. "Are you sure, honey?" Grandma asked gently. "You've never rejected your favorite meal?"

"I'm fine," I said quickly, the words tumbling out too fast. "I have some homework, I'll eat later, I promise."

Without waiting for a response, I bolted upstairs, shutting the door to my room behind me. The silence was deafening, the faint murmurs of my grandparents' voices downstairs barely audible.

I dropped my bag on the floor, sinking onto the bed as the weight of everything hit me all at once. The tears came before I could stop them, hot and unrelenting.
I buried my face against my pillows, sobbing so hard it felt like my chest might cave in. Every emotion I'd been holding in since the locker incident came rushing out. The fear, the shame, the hopelessness.

Why was this happening again? Why couldn't I just be normal? Why couldn't I just be strong enough to deal with this without falling apart?

I curled up on the bed, clutching a pillow tightly as I let the tears come. I felt so small, so useless. I hated myself for letting Barron get to me.
I didn't even know him, maybe it was a one time bullying? doubting Tyler's intentions, for still being haunted by my own demons.

Somewhere deep down, a part of me whispered that I wasn't alone anymore. That I had friends now, people like Ashlynn and even Tyler, who had shown today he was willing to stand up for me. But in that moment, the darkness felt too heavy to see past.

All I could do was cry and hope that, somehow, tomorrow would be easier.