Broken By My Bully

Chapter 55

She felt trapped.

But for some reason she didn't feel cold anymore.

The room was silent except the sound of their breathing.

Her body exhausted from panic attack, too weak from long night of punishment, and yet again here she was–

In his arms.

His warmth surrounded her freezing bones. It felt like a curse.

A cruel reminder that no matter how much she tried to forget, to run to leave behind her past... She tried, no matter how much she tried to escape... She never truly would.

Because even now, after everything, his arms were the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

Tears threatened to fall burning the corner of her eyes, but again she refused to let them fall. She had already broken enough in front of him.

She swallowed the lump in her throat inhaling sharply before whispering "I hate you."

It came out broken.

Not full of venom or fire he was used to.

It was confession.

A desperate lie she wished was the truth.

She felt the way his body tensed behind her. His fingers twitched against her waist.  He was so close. His breath fanning again Side of her face.

After a long moment he finally answered–

"I know"

Her eyes squeezed.

Why did that hurt more that anything?

Why did that make her chest tighten?

Why did that make ache inside her worse?

She hated that he said it so easily.

That he didn't deny it.

Because deep down she wanted him to, she wanted him to say that he understands her, understands why she did what she did, that she meant something to him, that he cared.

She swallowed hard, forcing back the tears burning blurring her vision. Her voice barely above a whisper when she asked. "Then why don't you let me go?"

The silence after that was deafening.

His grip tightened against her waist. Hard.

So hard that it almost hurt, like he was afraid that if he let go she would slip through his fingers.

When he finally spoke his voice was raw and unsteady.

"Because I hate you too." He murmured.

His grip tightened more like he was going to crush her. Like the very thought of her slipping away was unacceptable.

His lips brushing against her temple. "But I can't live without you."

Her eyes widened.

Her breath caught in her throat.

Her pulse pounded.

She had expected cruelty. But not this, never this.

His grip almost became desperate now.

"You are the only woman in my life." He confessed. But the way he said it– like he was cursed, like it disgusted him– made her breath hitch.

"The only one who has ever mattered."

Her heart twisted violently and her nails digging into her own palm.

"And if you leave..."

And his voice dropped even lower, even darker...

His lips brushed her neck and stayed there for few seconds.

"I will go crazy."

She gasped loudly. Her entire body betrayed her, her heart pounded so loudly.

He meant it.

She could feel it.

In the way his arms stayed locked around her, in the way his grip was too tight, too possessive!!

He hated her.

Yet, he needed her.

Tears slipped down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them away.

Because for the first time she realised–

She wasn't the only one suffering.

She wasn't the only one drowning in regret, pain, hate... He was suffocating, suffering even more. He loved her crazy and her betrayel had made him insane, relentless, he keeps going down and down and no matter how much he will punish her he will never be satisfied because it will hurt him the same.

Hurting her had hurt him more.

The punishment, the cruelty, the nights he made her suffer– they weren't just for her.

They were for him

Because every lash, every torment, every cruel world was just another way to remind himself of the hate he was supposed to feel.

A hate that was supposed to be stronger than the way she made him feel.

A hate that was supposed to be stronger than love!

But it wasn't!

It never had been.

And as he held her now, clutching her like she was the only thing keeping him sane just like he was the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

He was just as Trapped as she was.