To You ? KTH

Right back to you

"Jin and I used to be like that." Karin's face falls as she hestiates on her second bite. "Can I be honest with you, Seolli? I'm scared that Jin and I are over for good."

I stop eating and watch her intently.

"Before, when we would break up, it was fine. Because we're all friends, and we'd hang out so much, but this time, we can't do that anymore and I don't see Jin. I don't see Jin and it scares me when he isn't around me. Because then, I feel that the break up is for real. 

Ugh, this sucks. I think I made a mistake. Jin and I were best friends before anything. I didn't just lose my boyfriend. I lost my best friend, too. My memories.... they feel bitter and I don't even want to think about anything from my past. I don't want it to be like that. And now whenever I see him, I'm going to have to pretend to be his friend..."

She tears up and I grasp her hand without thinking, holding it tight. She tries to smile, wiping away her tears with her sleeve. "I don't know. I don't know what to do. I just wonder if it would've been better to remain friends. We shouldn't have dated in the first place."

My heart sinks. I know Karin doesn't mean that. I know she is grateful for their memories together, but I understand it would be better if she could have them stored in a special place for when she wants to visit them. Since Jin and her spent so much of their time with each other, any memory of Karin's is a memory of them. She has no choice but to grieve over their relationship whenever she thinks about her own fun memories. 

I understand because I feel the same with my friendship with Eunha. I forget that I do have happy memories from school. Eunha and I had so much fun together, but I can't think back with a smile right now. I can't consider them my own fun memories, but hurtful memories of us. 

I shake my own thoughts and give her hand a squeeze. "I'm so sorry. Did you try talking to him? I bet he would listen!"

Jin doesn't seem like the type to avoid talking to her. Especially if they were best friends before. 

She pouts, squeezing my hand tighter. "He said we shouldn't get back together so soon or we're going to be right where we were. I know that... and I want that over losing him completely."

She looks over my shoulder then gasps under a breath, "Don'ttellTaehyung."

Confused, I turn around to see Taehyung walking into the cafeteria. At the sight of him, I forget how to breathe. It's been days since I last saw him. I actually haven't seen him in person since my shameful dream.

He's mentioned losing sleep between studying and working. Yet, he looks refreshed as he greets some friends. I watch his animated facial expressions and the tilt of his head when he laughs. 

I feel a squeeze, and turn back to Karin. She looks concerned and almost like she caught the feelings I'm trying to deny.

"Be careful, Seolli."

Careful?

She lets go of my hand and waves her hand to catch Taehyung's attention. He waves back, but then looks surprised to see me.

I look down at my container.

If Karin can read how I feel, I don't want Taehyung to read how I feel at all.