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[𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 '𝐧 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬]
[𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞-𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬-𝐬𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚]

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𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐚'𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐯

With tears welling up in my eyes and my face reddening with anger, I knocked on Iris's door. She had to open it as soon as possible so that I wouldn't collapse on the threshold. I was wiping the salty drops from my face with the back of my hand when I heard the door open. Before I could even look at her, she had me in her arms.

I clung to her as if I had nothing else to lean on. I didn't sob, I didn't scream, but I collapsed. I stood in front of her like the wreckage of an earthquake. She started to pull us inside. I didn't realize it until we sat down on the couch in the living room.

I laid down and put my head on her lap. She gently stroked every strand of my hair, understanding me without speaking. There was no need to ask, everything was read in the air. I was sure she noticed the involuntary tremor in my voice when I called to ask if she was home. It was Iris, my best friend for years, the one who always understood me, wanted me to be okay, and never gave up on me...

"Oh babe," she gently wiped my flowing tears with the napkin she took in her hand, with her feather-light touches.

She could have been angry right now, she could have not looked at me, she could have yelled at me for not listening to her, and she had every right to, but she didn't. She had been proven right again, and she knew it would happen, but she didn't even care at that moment. I was sure that she would have wished that I was the one laughing and she was wrong, rather than that I was the one crying and she was right.

My breathing, my heartbeat, my tears... She calmed them all with her touch. Kaden made my heartbeat quicken, again, but this time not because of my love for him.

He didn't reject, he was with her... He didn't reject, he lied to me. He found peace with her, maybe he didn't cheat, but with what he did, he proved how traitor he was.

The thing that hurts me the most, that makes me hate myself, is that I still love him... How can I be so unfair to myself? How can I not control my heart so much? How can I not resist the man who has me wrapped around his finger?

My shame, my lack of self-esteem suffocated me. The colorful walls of that room I had always loved began to press down on me. I wanted to throw up, to throw up and let out everything I felt. But I knew that feeling would always remain there, it was a hope. Again, a hope founded on a fruitless, absurd dream.