?????? ??????? & ???? ?????
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A handsome, charismatic and successful actor... Young girls' celebrity crush... The actress and singer whose star will rise... What happens if they meet at a party? I...
What I feel now, as I have for days, as I stare blankly at the floor, my knees drawn up in bed.
A feeling I can't describe.
Joy? No.
Sadness? Not really.
Peace? Definitely not.
My room was always the place where I found peace. The light filtering through the large window met softly with the pale pink tone on the walls. I would sit on the edge of my bed, writing melodies that I hummed in my notebook. I loved the silence because it belonged to me.
But now the silence is not peace. It's like it's closing in on me. The room isn't dark, but my insides are. Everything is familiar, but nothing is in its place. Even the slightest movement of my heart rings in my mind with Kaden's name. Whenever I try to breathe, his face appears before me. And the worst part is, I still love him.
Yes. I still do. But there is something sitting on top of this love now. Resentment. Anger. Disappointment. That feeling is more dominant. More real. If there is love in my heart, my anger is what suppresses it.
The distance he shows me, his refusal to hold my hand, his turning to another woman… Maybe he was never really with me. Maybe I was just part of the “image” he wanted to be.
The door opens slightly. I hear a voice break through the silence:
“Are you secretly crying, or did you just want to look dramatic?”
Conan.
I lift my head from the pillow. I laugh, involuntarily. I gently wipe my eyes, but he pretends not to see it. He always does. He speaks to comfort, but never tries to put my pain in my hands.
“Both,” I say. “I think I’m trying to break a record.”
Conan comes in and sits on the floor, leaning back against the bed. “You know, there’s something beautiful about crying. Your nose swells, your voice cracks, but in a way… it feels more real. It’s not like wounds that won’t heal. Some of it comes out when you cry.”
