His conscience

"Embracing all my scars and imperfections
Turn the tide all my cons are my pros now."
...

I've never woken up so ready and determined to start the day.

Well, I don't know if I would say, woke up, because I didn't really go to sleep. I was up all night thinking a lot and in the end I decided that I was going to start taking risks and start setting some things right. I thought of this really crazy plan I was going to pull off the next day at school that was going to calm my conscience at least a little bit.

I needed a lot of courage for this and I really needed to not think about the consequences because if I did...I would definitely back out of it.

I was running a bit late that morning so I practically ran to Callum's. My hair wasn't brushed properly and was tousled haphazardly atop my head. For my clothes, let's just say I put on the first things I could lay my hands on. Fortunately I have generally nice clothes and I dress really casual, so I didn't bother much about looking off.

I spedwalked all the way to school, taking frequent sips of my-well I won't say sweet-cup of espresso. I walked so quickly that even when I arrived at school, the liquid was still hot.

The first thing I did once I got to school and got my books out of my locker was to look for Sam. Yeah, Star's best friend Sam.

I kmew that the chances of him agreeing to speak to me was about 5% but hey, it's better to try. And I needed to see him before the first period because I don't have any free period classes today and I don't know if would see him afterwards. There was also lunch but, I kinda need him to process this for a while...so yeah.

As soon as I close my locker door shut and turn around, I spot him heading out of the bathroom. Bingo.

I almost chicken out but I yell his name before I can.

He turns to face my direction, looking lost for a second but when he finally spots me giving him a short wave, his expression morphes instantly to utter disdain.

Well, this would be fun.

I call out his name again when he resumes walking to wherever he was going and I have to chase after him.

"Sam! Hold up! Please, could we talk?" I try again but he still doesn't turn around or acknowledge my existence behind him. He starts to increase his pace.

"We should have a play off!" I yell at him and his steps falter for a moment and when I think I've finally gotten him, he just shakes his head and walks on.

"For the spot, center forward and whoever wins...takes the spot and the loser has to drop out of the team."

This causes him to halt immediately. He turns around slowly with a stoic expression but I can see his eyes calculating.

"Why?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down at me. He's a bit taller than I am, I notice. I don't back down though. I can be anxious and do stupid things but I could be really confident. I stare back at him, not breaking eye contact for one second. I don't stare maliciously though, I just give him a hard, sharp stare that shows I'm only here for business. He has every right to hate me but I just want to make things right and all he has to do it to accept this.

"Because I feel like we never got the chance to actually know who...deserves the spot." I run my hands through my hair, messing it up even more. "I'm sure Star has told you what happened with me and the team. I know how messed up it sounds. I'm sorry, it wasn't really my fault. I didn't know that it would affect you. My parents...they gave me no choice. I knew it was wrong from the beginning and I know I should've stopped it then. If I wanted to be in the team...in your position, I should have gotten it the right way."